Post # 1
So our wedding is August 11th. From the begining I asked my group of BEST friends to be my bridesmaids, along with my sisters and my FSIL. That in total makes 7 bridesmaids, I know thats a big number but I couldn’t imagine having it any other way, every single one of those girls are very important to me.
My groom, has TWO groomsmen. And honestly yes it may look OFF but there is NOTHING traditional about this wedding, and I just don’t care, it’s OUR special day, and i want those special to me included and not, not have someone in the bridal party that I want there because of “wedding ediquitte”.
So I asked FSIL because it was important for me to share this time bonding with her, and symbolize that our families were joining, she’s going to be auntie to my children and vice verca.
Now she’s backing out because she thinks it’s silly to have so many BM’s. I suggested she stand up with her brother, I know it’s become more popular these days to have the opposite sex in your wedding party, and since he doesn’t have many close friends and is very close to his sister I thought it’d be a nice idea.
She thinks it’s to silly.
I can’t help but to be brought to tears over this. Now I feel like things are going to be awkward. I dunno…maybe I’m just being emotional since it’s getting close.
Post # 3
Etiquette has nothing to do with the number of people in your bridal party. Indeed, you’re staying in line with etiquette because you aren’t just treating your friends as props in your wedding, you’re honoring those closest to you. So well done there!
If your FSIL is ridiculous enough to step down because she thinks the sides will look weird, that’s on her. I’d reassure her that her presence is important to you and your FI and you really don’t care that one side has more people than the other.
Post # 4
She could feel like an “odd man out” in the bridal party because the rest of the girls are friends and family. Or it could be financial, but she doesn’t want to say. Or she could feel like you asked just to be nice, and she’s trying to give you an “out”. All you can do is reassure her you want her there, or have her brother ask her to stand up for him on his side. If she stil declines, don’t be upset. Just let it go. She’ll be there as a guest either way (I’m guessing). If she’s comfortable with that, it will be okay.
Post # 5
I understand being hurt if you feel like someone is questioning your wedding choices. However, you said it yourself:
“I know that’s a big number but I couldn’t imagine having it any other way, every single one of those girls are very important to me.”
You sentiment about including your FSIL is great, but realistically the wedding day is a tough time to “bond” with anyone. You’ll be busy and nervous, and FSIL may feel out-of-place with seven of your very close friends there.
My advice: Don’t take the FSIL’s remarks to heart and focus on your REAL goal– to build a stronger connection with her. Are there any aspects of wedding planning she’s into? Maybe you could include her that way and ask her to do a reading instead of being a BM.
Post # 6
@HeathenSwan: I agree with this. I think there might be something else going on. Maybe she says 7 is too many because she feels like you’re choosing too many people to try to please everyone. I think she wants to be helpful and probably doesn’t realize you’re hurting. I would try as much as possible to make her feel wanted.
Post # 7
I can honestly say though that I didn’t include anyone to please anyone buy myself, i made my chioces based on who I MYSELF wanted included in the day.
Oh well, I’m still pretty bummbed about the whole situation and now regret even asking her to advoid the awkwardness. Lets just hope this feeling blows over in the next 3.5 months.
Post # 8
My sister and I stood by our brother’s side at his wedding, along with his two groomsmen. My sister-in-law had her own sisters and friends on her side, along with her brother. Nothing wrong with mixing it up a bit!
If you really want her involved and she does want to back out of the bridesmaid thing for whatever reason, maybe see if she’d like to do a reading or something. I have a small bridal party (3 attendants each) but asked my SIL to do a reading. She’s happy to be involved :o)