- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2018
Bees, I need you! I’m a regular on here, but went anon for this one.
i have been together with my husband for 7 years, married 10 months. We moved in together after we had been dating for a year, and bought a house together over a year ago. I frequently think about leaving him, as well as finding myself sexually attracted to other men, and entertaining the thought. I haven’t ever cheated. I am so angry and disappointed with myself, because the same issues that we had when we still dating are the same problems catalyzing my feelings now. I held marriage up on a pedastol, and ignorantly unconscientiously believed something would change when we got married; that these issues would dissolve.
I feel like he is bipolar in a way, because sometimes he is the sweet, funny, loving husband that I fell in love with, and the other times he is a sarcastic, belittling, arrogant asshole that I am repulsed by. Anytime he has a bad day at work, is overly hungry or tired, or is stressed out about something, he takes it out on me. He will yell, cuss, and throw things if he gets angry enough.
For example: he always wants to use my alarm clock, despite me buying him a $100+ ihome alarm. We wake up at different times, so instead of him learning to use his own, he sleeps on my side of the bed, wakes up to my alarm, then I get up after he gets out of bed, move to my side, set my alarms and go back to bed. This is ridiculous, and so i was going to start using his alarm. I set it when I went to sleep last night, and for whatever reason, it started going off at 5:30 am (not the time that it was supposed to go off). i understand this is super annoying, but then he starts yelling ‘g!$ dammit, why the f@:$ is that going off’ blah blah blah. I didn’t feel like the situation warranted the response.
another example: I was upset at him last week, and he was getting ready to change a retracted light bulb in the ceiling. You know the ones hat you have to use that long stick to unscrew it, pull it out, and rescrew it? So anyway, before he started this, I explained that I was upset with him, and that I wanted to talk. He proceeded with changing the light bulb anyway. He was standing on the kitchen counter doing this, and the grabber wasn’t working properly. I told him to try to fix it or buy another one. Did he? Nope. Light bulb falls and shatters everywhere. So what does he do? Try to replace it!! Guess what? That one shatters too!! I’m standing there, and he throws the 6-7 foor long grabber landing like a foot away from me, yelling ‘g.d. why did you buy this f’ing piece of s$i!?!!!!!?!?’ At that point I took my dog into the bedroom and shut the door. He comes in later like nothing even happened.
These episodes are few and far between unless he is stressed out.
I don’t feel patter attractive. I’m overweight but still have plenty of men looking my way. We can only have sex if he initiates it. It’s not like a ‘rule’ but if I try, he says no. So I just don’t try anymore. When we do have sex, like every 2 weeks, there is no foreplay. I just normally get woken up, and he sticks it in, he comes, and goes to sleep. I haven’t ever had an orgasm with him, because i need clitoral stimulation to ‘o’, and he is grossed out by cunnilingis, and is not open to sex toys and doesn’t even try with his fingers. He might go like 3 days without kissing me, and sometimes I have to ask him to kiss me. There was one time I was in bed using my vibrator, and he came into the bedroom and asked what I was doing, and I told him. He proceeded to tell me that it was so disgusting, blah, blah, blah. I turned it back on to finish, and he told me how disrespectful I was being, and went and slept on the couch.
He has an amazing work ethic, is financially responsible, educated, intelligent, so handsome, and loves our dog unconditionally.
We did a few sessions of premarital counseling, and I suggested we go back, but he claims that he gained no benefit by going, but I’m welcome to go.
I love him dearly, and want to work this out, but I need to feel coveted, and not be the recipient of his outbursts. I can’t go on like this, and need y’all’s help!! I’m desperate, and don’t have any close friends outside of either of our families. I feel like I can’t go to them with this.