Weddingbee boards

So as some of you may know, my sister decided to drop out of my wedding via email months ago for no reason, well, her reason was because she wanted to start a family soon and go back to school so being in my wedding was just 'too much for her'.  Then she just rsvp'd 'no' for no reason either.  It just makes me so mad how people can be so selfish and self centered! I put alot of money out for her wedding back in August, got her a great gift for her shower and spent almost $900 total for her wedding.  Now im getting married, her baby sister and she can give two shits! Why? Why is she being like this? I do not know why.  I tried to contact her but she is ignoring me.  I sent her a long email telling her how much I love her and how much I hope she reconsiders going to my wedding but she is resisting me.  My mom isnt talking to her and the rest of the family also.  There is 5 wks until my big day and I feel it wont be the same without her. There is nothing I can do. My MOH decided to send her a bridal shower invite anyways and she tried calling her this morning to see if maybe she wants to go or send a gift and she told her to stop calling her and not mention my wedding she is not attending anything, period. WTH is wrong with her??!!

@gemston- I know we have 98 more people at the wedding who are more than happy for us but this is my sister, we were so close before she met her husband, I feel like she changed after meeting him, she's been more distant towards the family, I just dont know what is going on

@sctigergirl- I cannot talk to her face to face, she is not the type who can warmly welcome unwanted guests at her house.  I asked her many times to meet for lunch and have a heart to heart but she is ignoring me.  I cant even say she is my family anymore!

It almost sounds as thought she's not ok with you getting married but doesn't want to come out and say it. Does she like or have a problem with your FI? Didn't you say she was just married last year? Are they already having problems? Maybe she's not ready to tell anyone but the idea of going to a wedding is too painful.

@cricket-there is no problem at all with my FI, she told him that she cant wait for us to get married and she's so happy for us, then all of a sudden she is keeping her and her husband away from the family! I want to drive to her house so bad but knowing how she is she would scream at me and klck me out

She had 2 house warming gatherings since she had bought her house last August and guess what? I was not invited!!! I was never told about it! She will never welcome me in her life and it makes me so uncomfortable knowing that. I dont want to be like other families or other sisters out there that drift apart, I dont want this to happen!

@sctigergirl- my mom and brothers stopped talking to her recently, they know its just wrong and its just weird for her to be this way, she use to be all about family values and get togethers and now what?! Everytime one of my family members of close friends talks to her about me, she gets really mad and tells them never to talk about the wedding again! It hurts so bad right now and I have 5 wks to get over it!!!

@mrskesslertobe- I did try to talk to her about just us and not the wedding.  I sent her a long ass email telling her that ever since I was a little girl I have visioned her dressing me on my wedding day and helping me put my shoes on and how confused I am about me and her not being close.  I tried everything I can and I just wish I knew what I can do to make this better

I'm sorry you're going through this. :(

So, this just came out of left field?  No one has any idea why she is suddenly acting so strange and cutting family out of her life?

I agree that she must be going through a difficult time in her life and is not coping very well.

I would find a way to confront her about this (or ask your parents to confront her) after the wedding about why she doesn't want a relationship with you. 

How well do you know her husband?  Do you think there's some sort of abuse/control issue?  I ask just b/c women who are physically/emotionally/mentally abused tend to withdraw from family and friends.

I understand why you'd be so hurt and upset. It sounds like something is going with her or in her life, and it may not be about you or wanting to have a realtionship with you.

At this point, you just have to try to accept that there is nothing you can do to "make it better" since you don't really know what is wrong. I would advise against confronting her or trying to force her to talk to you. Actions like that generally make people feel defensive, which makes it harder for them to hear you.

If your sister is pulling away because of abuse or something like that, putting her on the spot or confronting her about it may have the opposite effect of what you want. Instead, I would suggest that you just keep the doors of communication open.

If it were me, close to my shower I would send another short email saying, "I hope you'll be there. If not, you'll be missed." and leave it at that. Same for the wedding. While I know it's pulling at your heart and I can't imagine how much it hurts, it really does sound like there is more going on and maybe your sister just needs space to realize that you are there for her and love her.

@curlydreamer- You are right on point about not confronting her, I have tried and so has my family and close family friends and everytime she gets really defensive, pissed off! At the beginning of my wedding planning we talked on the phone everyday about the plans for the shower and bachelorette party then one day she just decided to drop out and not even go to the wedding.  My mom is very sad about all of this as well.

I know I have to brush it off and be strong but its hard not to have a closure.  It will be hard to have Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners from now on because of this.

@angela- I dont know her husband well but he seems like he has a temper problem, im hoping he's not keeping her from going for whatever reason it is.  My mom is a hairdresser and he use to come see my mom for haircuts every Sunday and after this all went down he just stopped going to see my mom.  My mom has been waiting to see him to talk to him and see what is going on with the both of them.