Weddingbee boards

I probably should wait to post until I am less upset, but I need some advice!  We canceled our big wedding and planned a wedding with 2.PEOPLE.  2!  Even that has become a problem.  I think I am really mad!

My MOH and her husband have always been selfish people- but I have known them for years and accept them as they are.  Last week she had me over (she lives out of town, but she really needed a friend, so I drove the hour drive) to have someone to vent to about how her husband's family hates her.  I not only took the day to spend with her, I listened to her, and analyzed the situation intelligently (really invested) to try to offer advice and object help.  She brought up my family and this is a very sore subject for me- some bees may know- and she was asking uncomfortable questions and prying, but not really investing.  I felt un-understood, so I kept it as light as possible.  She asked questions like, "well, do they CALL you?"  "What about your sister?  She didn't seem so bad..."  Comments like those are un-intuative.  My family situation is complicated and has little to do with how my sister is personally!  I tried to explain, but I didn't feel she really even listened to me. 

Anyhow, I thought I should just tell her how I felt.  In the past, we have communicated very well on email, so I wrote several drafts and after a day or two came up with a straight-forward and kind email that just told her how I didn't think we should talk about my family anymore because it is still so raw.

I went out on a limb a little because I don't usually communicate my needs, but I am trying to learn to communicate better.  I got no response.  It bothered me.

A few days later I wrote another email that said, "Hey, it's been awhile!  How are things?"  I felt I was giving her the benefit of the doubt.  FI and I also made some small changes to the wedding plan- we ended up renting a limo instead of a car like we had planned (they didn't have the car we wanted available).  Since limos go in 2 hour sessions, FI and I thought we'd just get ready together and then MOH and husband (best man) can meet us at the Chapel.

Originally, MOH wanted to do my hair, but I thought it would be easier (and I would prefer) to do it myself.  Now that we have the limo, it would work out better for us -because originally FI was going to pick MOH and I up in the car, or MOH was going to drive the rental car with me as a passenger to the Chapel.  So, I told the changes to MOH.  Now, the ONLY real change was that we got a limo.

So, MOH also has a baby, so I thought this plan would be better so they can come to town later and have time to put down the baby.  She told me it is going to cost a lot for her mom to change her flight now that they don't need her to watch the baby as long- ???  I told her that the only change was the limo!  She writes me an email today that says she and best man feel used and that they were cut from the wedding.

What on earth?  She says that "if you want us to be a part of your wedding, you'll have to show us that you truly want us there."  Want them there?  They are my only guests.  Of course I want them there.  I got her a $200 pearl necklace as a gift.  I listen to her.  I drive out to see her.  I bought best man a matching pair of shoes to FI's for the big day. 

I am doing my best to be a good communicator.  I don't know why getting married has to be so difficult with the people in my life.  When should I be a better friend and when should I say "this is really ridiculous" because I think it is! 

Thank you for reading this! 

Thanks bees... I am so upset...

She sounds as crazy and irrational as my mother is being right now. Good luck with this!

I'm so sorry! I wish I knew what you could tell her, but I really don't! I didn't read anywhere that she and the BM were cut entirely from the wedding!

Thanks bees!

@fontgoddess- so true!  That's exactly how is it.

@Amaryllis- I can really relate.  I feel so deflated.

Thanks for the support bees!

I don't know what I am going to do.  :/

Thank you bees!  I think my friend-ship with MOH may have sailed.  FI and I are coming up with an alternative plan for the big day.  It's amazing how much stress this is!  I guess you find out who your friends are.  :/  It's all about her- if she feels guilty she makes your life H*** for it.  I hope to choose better friends in the future!

Thanks bees, I am starting to feel like friendship with some girls is like dating.  :/ 

@Rockts- isn't it strange?  I agree- I certainly feel like her care taker!  She left a message on my voicemail today that sounded like she was jogging!  :/ (?) 

Thankyou for all of the well wishes, bees!

 @Soon2bee- I like that idea.  I actually have been saving the gifts for the night before the wedding, so I still have them!  I even bought her a dress :/