Post # 1
We were married by my husband’s mom’s minister who I did not know well, and felt it would be appropriate to invite her to the wedding reception. She RSVPd stating that she would be bringing her daughter (by email) and I emailed her back explaining that we were not having children at the wedding other than our flower girl and ring bearer. She never acknowledged the email so when we met in person I confirmed with her that she was not to bring her daughter, and she said she knew and it was fine. However, she brought her to the dinner anyways! Her daughter was awful! She was noisy and ran around the entire time. She never made a single attempt to control her or have her sit quietly at what was a formal evening wedding where she KNEW that children weren’t welcome. Since (and during the wedding) I have had many guests, many who are parents themselves point out how appalled they were at her behaviour. They said she was such a distraction that it made it hard for them to enjoy the wedding and a lot of people were actually getting up and trying to control her themselves. I feel very cheated that she felt the need to bring her daughter if she didn’t plan on controlling her at all. I had even put them at a special place at the front like a seat of honor, and I feel like this was a slap in the face. I guess there is nothign I can really do now but I’m just very upset and feel like I need to let it out. I REALLY regret inviting her and am also upset with my husband’s mother for not doing anything about this situation, as she was aware how upset I’d be at this girl being there, and could see how horribly she was behaving. I feel like she should have at least attempted to control the situation. I know there is nothing to be done now, but I’m just getting this off my chest. And I also TOTALLY side with anyone not inviting children to weddings, because all it takes is one horrible child to detract from everyone’s experience. I just wish I could say something to the minister about what a rude and selfish person she was by doing that.
Post # 3
I think you can and should say something to the minister. As you said, nothing can be undone to make your wedding day better, but that doesn’t mean that this woman shouldn’t have her bad behaviour pointed out to her. Let her know what a negative effect her daughter had on your day. At the very least, maybe you will save a future bride from the same fate.
Post # 4
I am so sorry that this happened to you.
If you do a reveiw, I would include what happened, so that other couples are aware of what could happen to them.
Post # 5
In this case, I think you should say something to the minister. MILs minister or not, this was someone that was “hired” for the day to perform a service, not cause disruption. She may not see anything wrong with her child running rampant all over someone else’s reception and maybe nobody else has ever said anything to her about it.
Post # 6
I also think you should speak with the minister. I would not, however tell her what a rude and selfish person she was. When faced with words like that most people would get very defensive and I doubt the conversation would go well.
I would tell her how I was feeling as no one can ever argue with your feelings.I would say :
I would like to talk with you about bringing your daughter to my wedding.
I am disappointed that you ignored my request in the conversation that we had prior to the wedding.
I felt disrespected and upset that you brought your daughter when you expressly said you wouldn’t.
Your daughter’s behavior was a distraction and an irritant and is exactly why I did not want children at the wedding.
I need you to know the effect this had on me and my guests .
Post # 7
Wow, that really sucks. I’m sorry, that would drive me up the wall for sure.
Post # 8
Thanks for the responses everyone! It seems like maybe I should talk to her about it. My question is how? Should I write a letter or is this something to do in person? I don’t have any plans to see her again so in person I would need to make a special appointment to see her. I also found out from my husband (yay love saying that) that she will be baptising his niece in october, so I think we will probably have to spend some time with her again then, and I wouldn’t want to have any hard feelings clouding his sister/niece’s special day. What do you think is the nicest way to get my point across?
Post # 9
julies1949 said exactly what I would advise you to say, too.
As for how to do it, I’d write her a letter. It’ll keep her from being able to argue with you right there.
Post # 11
That really sucks. I would go with a letter also but that’s because I don’t like confrontation.
Post # 12
I would phone her. I know this kind of conversation takes practice to be comfortable in person, but I think a letter might be too formal.
Sometimes it is easier to be brave when you don’t have to look the person in the eye. I would write out what I wnated to say and practice ahead of time so it didn’t sound like I was reading it.
If she apologizes, accept her apology and thank her for hearing you out, then end the conversation.
Post # 13
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Totally inappropriate.
Post # 14
whoa, sorry, chica. i’d be livid, too. Not cool.
Post # 15
Wow its one thing for a guest to ignore your request for no children but for someone that you are paying for their presence to ingnore your request in my eyes is downright disrespectful! I would right her and email or letter so she isn’t able to argue back with you. And If she does right back in a confrontational way then you have time to think your response over. Good luck! This would really piss me off too! Ask for a refund haha!! Jk
Post # 16
I dont know if I would confront her about it after the fact. If you do you really need to make sure that your heated feelings dont interfere during the confrontation. If you are still feeling really upset you dont want to say something that you would regret so make sure you are in a calm place if you are going to address the issue with her. At this point though if it was me I would leave it alone. I dont think its worth it in the end and I think it will just cause a lot of hurt feelings.