So very confused

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You are not her mother and unfortunately you cant stop her from doing what she wants to do. I understand that youre concernced about her well-being. I have a best friend who goes where ever the wind takes her and it scares me to death but what can I do about it? All you can do is tell her how you feel and voice your concern for her safety. If she chooses to go, thats on her. You did your part. 

Post # 4
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@alyssaC:  There was a really good thread on this exact subject recently but I can’t find it. Can any Bees help us out in finding it?

Post # 7
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I work with CPS so I remind them that if he is willing to hit you once he is willing to hit you whenever he wants and he will hit your kids. When he hits you in front of your kids or he hits your kids, CPS will take your kids away from you and they may end up in foster care. She really needs to go to a counselor or speak to a survivor of domestic abuse so she will hopefully snap out of it. I don’t get it either when someone would rather gamble with death than be alone

Is there any way to cut off all communication between her and the ex? Change her number, shut down Facebook and change email addresses if necessary. Every time he talks to her he tells her she is nothing without him and nobody wants her but him. Men who perpetrate domestic violence pick weak victims and then attack their weaknesses to reduce their independence and self esteem and self respect so that they think they deserve to be with their abusive partner. It’s a vicious cycle of dependency.

Post # 8
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@alyssaC:  just be honest and sincere. its ok to be emotional but you have to have self-control. keep the focus on her and her safety and not on you because this isnt about you. 

before my friend married a man that i knew was the wrong man for her, i told her. i said  “you may not like what i have to say but as your friend, i believe its my duty to be honest with you because i have your best interests at heart. i dont think you should marry this man. he isnt the right person for you. hes a nice person but hes not what i see for you. i know you well and im not saying i know whats best for you but i want the best for you and he is not it. “

she married him anyway, called me about 90 days later and said she made a mistake and now theyre getting a divorce. so you see people are going to do what they want to do, but when youre honest with them, they carry that with them even while they are traveling down that path of doom.

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