- 3 years ago
I’ve been a bee reader for the past couple of weeks, and never really thought about posting until yesterday. I really need to hear some advice.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years (living together over 3). We have a wonderful, honest relationship and I couldn’t be happier. 2 years ago he moved with me across country to Seattle so I could go to graduate school. We talk about getting married and having kids all the time, it’s not a taboo topic at all. Just due to life circumstances we haven’t yet (moving first, then he lost his job a few months ago). Now we are finally “getting there” again, I am ready to graduate in a few weeks, he has a new job… then… BOOM! His dad is diagnozed with early onset alzeimer’s. His family is in Chicago, and being the oldest of 5 children he wants to move there and take care of all of them. The problem is, I don’t want to move.
Here is why I don’t want to move. His family (aside from his father and one of his brothers) are a complete mess. His parents split up after 30 years of marriage, one of his sisters is an unemployed single mother of 2, his other brother and sister work but do not make enough to support themselves. They all live together in one big house (even his mom, she helps take care of the kids), and his dad is the main source of income. Oh gosh, just writing it out makes me cringe. I just don’t see how us moving there can work. I am really torn. On one hand, I admire him for wanting to take care of his family, but on the other, why does he have to take on all the responsibility? I would understand if it was just his dad he wanted to take care of, but that’s not how it’s going to work. We will be stuck there taking care of all of them and it’s just not fair 🙁
Also, my parents are moving to Seattle next week. I am an only child and since we both thought we would settle down here they went ahead and made the plans. How can I tell my parents that shortly after they move here to be closer to me, we are moving to Chicago? I thought it would be great having them here when we start a family, and they both desperately want us to get married.
Am I being selfish? I have been thinking about possibilities since I found out about this and can’t really come up with a good solution. Move his dad here to Seattle is one (SO doesn’t want to do that, sais in his condition it would be cruel to remove him from what he is familiar with), having him go there for a couple of months at a time is another, but I don’t know he will go for that. I am scared that if I flat out tell him that I am not moving to Chicago he will leave But I also think if I go with him, I won’t last long out there with his family.
Any thoughts or suggestions will be greatly appreciated, especially if anyone has ever been in this sort of a pickle.