SO wants to push the wedding back a year :'(

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

I’m so sorry you are feeling disappointed and I completely understand why you are upset!

I don’t know if my story will help you or not, but DH and I dated for 5.5 years before we were engaged. We were married on our 7 year anniversary. We were very young when we started dating and we felt no need to rush into anything. You have the rest of your lives to be married. In the grand scheme of things is another year or two such a big deal?

DH and I dated all through college and waited to get engaged until we were both done with school and established in our careers. TBH, I can’t imagine planning a wedding while in college — That sounds really stressful to me!!


Post # 4
2581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@cmoest:  I knew I was going to marry my FH pretty early on, about a year or two in we’d chatted about it.

By the time we get married we’ll have been together 8 years.

Honestly, I’m glad we waited. I’m glad we both finished University, and our postgraduate courses. I’m glad we’re waiting until FH has finished his PhD. I’m glad we’ve lived together for four years, and have become adults together, and know that moving in to life as a married couple we’ve completed all the commitments we had.


I can totally see your FH’s point about waiting until closer to your graduation, I know I wouldn’t have wanted to get married before I graduated! But everyone’s different.


I promise you, time will fly!

Post # 5
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Mine too. He thinks 2 years is a short time. I’m beyond disappointed. 

Post # 6
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@cmoest:  I’m sorry that he wants to push it back but the time will fly. And 2015 isn’t that far away when you think that it’s almost 2014 now. I say if he wants to push it back set a date and book the place so you have it and have something to look forward to rather than waiting out in limbo wedding planning land. This way you can also know that he is serious and not just going to push it off again when you hit the middle of 2014. 

Post # 7
8385 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

if you know thats the person your going to be with then why postpone marriage??

@cmoest:  Because I knew we were going to be together, so I wasn’t in any rush.  A piece of paper doesn’t mean as much as the relationship to me.

Post # 8
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@cmoest:  I am going against the grain and siding with your FI on this one. He is being very reasonable and sensible. He wants to wait until you guys are almost finished with college. That isn’t, be any means, an unreasonable request. He is being responsible. I know it is hard to wait, but if you guys know it is 2015 you can still book a venue and take time to research ideas.

Post # 9
2184 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

My husband and I started dating when I was 19. I thought we could get married right after we graduated. He pushed for our timeline to be whenever we had stable jobs. I was so pissed at him, but he was totally right. We graduated, and moved across the country together. We finally found good jobs. He held true to his word– once we were living comfortably and had some savings, he proposed. I was 24 at that time, and we were married when I was 25. 

Honestly, because we waited, we were able to have our dream wedding (we paid for it ourselves). We still had our times of struggle throughout the years, but our married life was built on stability. We knew we’d get married, and I was impatient. He was right, though. 

Talk it out together. Find out what is most important to you both. Know that he loves you and wants to marry you. That matters. 

Post # 10
43 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

Whoa, calm down… if I’ve done the math correctly you two have only been together for 2 years at this point and you’re already engaged? And you’re only in your second year of school right now? That’s an incredibly quck timeline if you ask me! Not “forever” by any stretch! Why are so in such a rush to get married before you’re even close to being done with school?

Many people are together for 5 or more years before they’re even engaged. (FI and I were together for 4, 5 by the time we’re married). This happens for all sorts of reasons, but I imagine your FI just wants to be in a more financially secure place first. That seems responsible. It also depends on how much you want to spend on a wedding. If you honestly just want to be married, have a simple civil ceremony and be done with it. If you want something extravagant, you wait longer. (Note that I don’t mean you in particular, just the general “you”)


Post # 11
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@cmoest:  It’s disappointing that you had already planned a date and now it’s being pushed back.  So long as his reasoning is he wants you both to graduate, I think that’s a good idea to wait because getting married may affect your ability to get loans and scholarship money to pay for school.  But I have to admit my bias in that among my friends and family, it’s generally frowned upon to get married before graduating college.

Post # 13
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@cmoest:  In that case, is ther any possibility of you moving out of your parents’ place? Maybe into a dogy flat share with three friends? 

Please believe me that postponing can be really good – more time will only cement your relationship. And if you’ve never spent time living away from your parents then it might be a good idea to try before you marry. 

Good luck with everything

Post # 14
8385 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@RainStorm:  +1,  if you’re ready for marriage, you should be ready to be independent.

Post # 16
64 posts
Worker bee

My H and I were together 7.9 years before getting married and our engagement was 2 years to the date. Of course I would have loved to have gotten married way earlier, but I am thankful we waited. We both have steady jobs, and purchased our first home together last year and we saved every penny we could for the past 8 years to have the wedding we both wanted. Try not to be upset, just know that it will be worth the wait.

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