Post # 1
My SO and I originally planned to get married in 2014, sometime during the fall, preferably during the fall (September/October). About a week ago, he told me that he would much rather get married in 2015. He said he feels like that would be a better time. We would both be almost done with college and he believes that would just be a better time….
BROKE MY HEART!
I was so upset, even though I didnt let him know that I was upset. All I did was ask him why and let the matter go…
It seems like I have been waiting forever for us to finally get married. In 2015 we will be together a little over 4 years. I feel like hes making me wait just because he can….
I was so excited when we talked about and agreed to get married in 2014, even started looking at wedding stuff and then he tells me that we should wait ANOTHER year…
I cant even imagine people that has waited for 5 years or longer to get married. I mean if you know thats the person your going to be with then why postpone marriage?? I just dont understand. Im starting to get very impatient with him.
Will someone please give me some comfort or a voice of reasoning…
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
I’m so sorry you are feeling disappointed and I completely understand why you are upset!
I don’t know if my story will help you or not, but DH and I dated for 5.5 years before we were engaged. We were married on our 7 year anniversary. We were very young when we started dating and we felt no need to rush into anything. You have the rest of your lives to be married. In the grand scheme of things is another year or two such a big deal?
DH and I dated all through college and waited to get engaged until we were both done with school and established in our careers. TBH, I can’t imagine planning a wedding while in college — That sounds really stressful to me!!
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
@cmoest: I knew I was going to marry my FH pretty early on, about a year or two in we’d chatted about it.
By the time we get married we’ll have been together 8 years.
Honestly, I’m glad we waited. I’m glad we both finished University, and our postgraduate courses. I’m glad we’re waiting until FH has finished his PhD. I’m glad we’ve lived together for four years, and have become adults together, and know that moving in to life as a married couple we’ve completed all the commitments we had.
I can totally see your FH’s point about waiting until closer to your graduation, I know I wouldn’t have wanted to get married before I graduated! But everyone’s different.
I promise you, time will fly!
Post # 5
Mine too. He thinks 2 years is a short time. I’m beyond disappointed.
Post # 6
@cmoest: I’m sorry that he wants to push it back but the time will fly. And 2015 isn’t that far away when you think that it’s almost 2014 now. I say if he wants to push it back set a date and book the place so you have it and have something to look forward to rather than waiting out in limbo wedding planning land. This way you can also know that he is serious and not just going to push it off again when you hit the middle of 2014.
Post # 7
if you know thats the person your going to be with then why postpone marriage??
@cmoest: Because I knew we were going to be together, so I wasn’t in any rush. A piece of paper doesn’t mean as much as the relationship to me.
Post # 8
@cmoest: I am going against the grain and siding with your FI on this one. He is being very reasonable and sensible. He wants to wait until you guys are almost finished with college. That isn’t, be any means, an unreasonable request. He is being responsible. I know it is hard to wait, but if you guys know it is 2015 you can still book a venue and take time to research ideas.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
My husband and I started dating when I was 19. I thought we could get married right after we graduated. He pushed for our timeline to be whenever we had stable jobs. I was so pissed at him, but he was totally right. We graduated, and moved across the country together. We finally found good jobs. He held true to his word– once we were living comfortably and had some savings, he proposed. I was 24 at that time, and we were married when I was 25.
Honestly, because we waited, we were able to have our dream wedding (we paid for it ourselves). We still had our times of struggle throughout the years, but our married life was built on stability. We knew we’d get married, and I was impatient. He was right, though.
Talk it out together. Find out what is most important to you both. Know that he loves you and wants to marry you. That matters.
Post # 10
Whoa, calm down… if I’ve done the math correctly you two have only been together for 2 years at this point and you’re already engaged? And you’re only in your second year of school right now? That’s an incredibly quck timeline if you ask me! Not “forever” by any stretch! Why are so in such a rush to get married before you’re even close to being done with school?
Many people are together for 5 or more years before they’re even engaged. (FI and I were together for 4, 5 by the time we’re married). This happens for all sorts of reasons, but I imagine your FI just wants to be in a more financially secure place first. That seems responsible. It also depends on how much you want to spend on a wedding. If you honestly just want to be married, have a simple civil ceremony and be done with it. If you want something extravagant, you wait longer. (Note that I don’t mean you in particular, just the general “you”)
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@cmoest: It’s disappointing that you had already planned a date and now it’s being pushed back. So long as his reasoning is he wants you both to graduate, I think that’s a good idea to wait because getting married may affect your ability to get loans and scholarship money to pay for school. But I have to admit my bias in that among my friends and family, it’s generally frowned upon to get married before graduating college.
Post # 12
A lot of people wouldnt see anything wrong with being together for a long period of time and waiting even longer to get married BUT our situation is a little different, I guess you would say.
We cannot live together
My SO goes to a Christian based University which does not allow nonmarried couples to live together, even off campus.
I have heard of people that attend the University have in fact moved in with their SO but we are just so afraid that if he gets caught then he will loose his scholarships so its one of those things where its better safe than sorry.
So since we cant live together, he lives in a dorm with his best friend and I still live with my parents.
And with us not being able to live together till marriage makes our relationship harder. I feel like we are high schoolers! I have to ask my parents if its ok if my SO even comes over!! He cant just show up at my house without permission. Its not that my parents dont like him or dont trust us, its just always been like that with my parents, even with my friends. I have to be sure to tell my parents that if I have guests then they need to know.
Im not sure if i can live with my parents for one more year, now that im older and an adult now, its not very fun living with your parents.
Post # 13
@cmoest: In that case, is ther any possibility of you moving out of your parents’ place? Maybe into a dogy flat share with three friends?
Please believe me that postponing can be really good – more time will only cement your relationship. And if you’ve never spent time living away from your parents then it might be a good idea to try before you marry.
Good luck with everything
Post # 14
@RainStorm: +1, if you’re ready for marriage, you should be ready to be independent.
Post # 15
I would really like to move out of my parents house but all my friends are either already married or are living with their SO.
I really dont have anyone to room with and I dont want to live alone. I dont even like being home alone at my parents house.
Post # 16
My H and I were together 7.9 years before getting married and our engagement was 2 years to the date. Of course I would have loved to have gotten married way earlier, but I am thankful we waited. We both have steady jobs, and purchased our first home together last year and we saved every penny we could for the past 8 years to have the wedding we both wanted. Try not to be upset, just know that it will be worth the wait.