Post # 1
Today I texted SO asking how his day was going, his response was that he was looking into costs for opening a home studio so that he could start to offer pin up photography sessions. First, let me explain a little about his business. SO is an amazing photographer and has recently started doing sessions for friends and family but the majority of his business comes from his coworkers. He works in a hospital so there are obviously a lot of potential customers, most being female. I’ve always encouraged him to quit his job and open a photography business since he really loves it however he never wanted to. I was happy for him when a friend asked him to do maternity pics since the pics opened up all of these new opportunites for him. He currently does natural lighting maternity, newborn, family sessions and he has his first wedding booked for next year.
Today he texxted saying a friend at work wants to do a pinup session with him as a gift for her husband. My anger level was off the charts. I was pissed that he would bring that up over text instead of face to face, I am pissed that he thinks I am going ot be ok with him looking at naked or half naked women, mostly his coworkers, I am pissed about the amount of time he’ll spend looking at said naked women for editing purposes and I’m even more pissed about him having an unlimited amount of compromising pics of these women saved on his computer to look at whenever he wants. don’t get me wrong, I don’t have an issue with porn, it’s just different when the naked women are people he would know and work with everyday.
I am also angry because I have given him 2 boudoir sessions as gifts and he’s never even really cared about the pics. He actually said he didn’t like the first set I did. I am also mad because I would have never even consdered going to a male photographer for these pictures, regardless of how great their photos are.
Post # 3
I completey understand where you’re coming from.
I trust my husband 100% and I’d still be completely uncomfortable with this. I just don’t think it would be an appropriate position for my husband to be in.
But rather than have a blowup about it, I think you should try calmly and honestly speaking to him about how this makes you feel and why you’re uncomfortable with it.
It sounds like he honestly just didn’t see why this would be inappropriate and didn’t think you’d be upset by it. Men can be a little clueless sometimes.
Post # 4
Considering its his coworker I think its really inappropriate. I would be pissed, too.
Though I wouldn’t want my DH doing boudoir shots at all, coworker or not lol.
ETA: I guess I consider it being different than seeing a gynecologist. Laying in stirrups with a paper gown on isn’t exactly sexy (IMO). Someone in lingerie attempting to look sexy for the camera is much more sexual to me.
Post # 5
Well… I suppose my initial reaction would be anger as well, but think about it logically. He’s a good photographer. If he was in med school and decided to go into gynocology, would you be pissed as well?
Editing photos isn’t that much fun… so it’s not like he’d be getting his jollies by seeing half naked photos.
Photoshoots aren’t exactly seductive ground… he’ll likely be spending more time trying to make the poor woman comfortable than ogling her.
Post # 6
I don’t see the big deal. The women are doing it for their SO’s, FI’s, DH’s….your SO is doing it for the Art and money. As a photographer myself…I’ve done men, good looking men…and trust me…there was “nothing” there to persue. I was there to do my job, that’s it. I was more worried about posing, lighting, my camera settings….etc.
You’ve given him photos. He probably didn’t like them because he’s a photographer himself. We like to critique people…silently or outloud. Why don’t you offer to let him photograph you?
Post # 7
I think id be pissed that its co workers or friends but thats probably all. Id feel compared too.
Post # 8
I can definatly see where you are coming from, as he did not discuss this with you first. That seems highly insensative, and really, open communication would probably change the way you feel about this.
That said, if your SO can keep it professional, I see absolutly no problem with it. My FI has gone to a strip club once or twice for other people’s bachelor parties. He always comes home and makes a comment about how glad he is to be with someone he doesn’t have to pay.
Post # 9
I voted that I wouldn’t have a problem with it regardless of client. If it were my husband’s career I wouldn’t mind. We are pretty open and we aren’t very jealous and I trust him completely. With that being said…..
You have every right to be upset and I don’t blame you. You are not comfortable with it and maybe bringing up the conversation over text message wasn’t the smartest approach. Like someone mentioned before, men can be pretty clueless. I would suggest having a sit down and explaining your feelings. You are completely justified. And if you feel this strongly about it, I think it is reasonable that a compromise be made.
I hope you guys straighten this out painlessly and everyone wins! 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 10
I would have no issue with my husband taking these pictures as part of his profession, but as the client, I’d never personally want my coworker to be the one taking them. That’s a little odd to me that she would be comfortable with that, but then again I like to keep an extremely professional relationship with my coworkers to the point I was nervous about telling them I was pregnant because I didn’t want them to think about me having sex lol. Just try to talk to him calmly and rationally about your feelings towards it. I’m sure you guys can find some compromise.
Post # 11
If this were my SO, I would think I might get jealous/insecure, but those would be my issues. If my SO were a gynecologist, I wouldn’t be able to get mad at him for having a Victoria’s Secret model as a patient; it’s just part of his job.
Post # 12
@MrsOrange: I don’t think it matters what any of us think about it. I think your comfort level is what is important here. Personally, I dated a guy who did Lowrider-type shoots with crazy gorgeous women. I weigh EASILY twice as much as them and the shoots were always with them in bikini tops and/or their asses hanging out. Hell, he sometimes had booty shorts in his truck from shoots. I knew he wasn’t into those girls (hello? He was DEFINITELY into me and I didn’t look anything like them), so for me it wasn’t a problem. But it took a personality like mine to deal with it. If that’s not you- it’s not cool for him to do it.
That said- it’s a growing request in the industry. It’s super awkward for his coworker to want it, but once he starts branching out maybe you could come up with some ground rules. Like maybe you have to assist on the boudoir shoots. Being there & seeing what’s going on might help.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t care, I guess I don’t see the big deal. I trust him and I don’t think women book boudoir sessions trying to get with the photographer…
Like PP said, I find it similar to being upset if he decided to go into gynecology. It’s a job (outside of a select few possible weirdos).
Maybe he just didn’t think it was a big deal? I’m sure you two could work out some type of compromise.
Post # 14
I definitely wouldn’t like it, either!
I hope you guys can reach some kind of a compromise!
Post # 15
I would not have a problem. I feel like if I were to date someone who was, say, a gynecologist… I’d pretty much have to be ok with the fact that they will be face-to-vagina in a professional capacity more often than not.
I would be fine with it because it is a professional relationship.
Post # 16
Thats like saying your if your DH is a gynocologist he must be interested in having sex with all his patients. If your husband is a professional then you have no reason to worry.