So, we just set a date. No ring. This is weird.

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
829 posts
Busy bee

I would feel really uncomfortable planning a wedding without the proposal. Tell him you’re not spending any money (deposits, invitations, etc) until the ring is on your finger!

Post # 3
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

WifeyGtoBe:  You can be engaged without a ring. Some couples mutually agree to get married without a formal proposal. I’d move forward with the planning and let him know you are excited about getting a ring , and that you’d like the night or day he gives it to you to be a special day.

Post # 4
1329 posts
Bumble bee

My mother NEVER had an “engagement” ring from my dad, but she had been engaged twice before to rather dopey guys who gave her nice rings (I have both of them-the rings, not the guys).

Therefore, since I was crazy about my dad, and since they were married thirty-nine years before he died, I’m inclined to think that the ring is MUCH less important than the mutual commitment, which it would seem to me, you have.


Post # 5
458 posts
Helper bee

If it feels weird to you then tell him so, but sometimes people opt to not get engagement rings as soon as they get engaged.  It is a little odd to me, since you’ve already picked out your ring (it’s not like he’s waiting for you to pick it out after the proposal).  Maybe tell him that you’ve always dreamed of a nice proposal, and he’ll get the hint 😉

Post # 6
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

If you’re planning a wedding, you’re engaged, and that’s awesome! We set a date and booked a bunch of vendors before we got our ring (and told everyone) – it’s more common than you think. We had a very open discussion about engagement (like you). 

I have to admit, even though we were planning, he did eventually get down on one knee out of the blue with the ring, and that was still super exciting.

Post # 7
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

WifeyGtoBe:  Don’t fret!  I’m in the same position.  We actually started booking things because with less than a year out, things are booking up fast already!  I would just triple check before you put down any money… or ask him to do it.

People get engaged without rings all the time.  Of course, this isn’t your situation… because it sounds like it’s coming!  My SO has been getting my ring custom-made, and months and months later, it still hasn’t arrived.

I’ve decided to keep my engagement (wedding planning) rather private to allow him the excitement of a proposal.  However, it seems that more and more people are finding out every day.  I know my SO has been working hard getting the ring together, and I want to give him that official moment.

Many people are going to have opinions about planning without a ring, but it’s silly.  I feel a bit weird too, but you get used to it.  It actually shows that your relationship is strong enough to have open conversation about this without the social formality of a ring!  Congratulations!!

Post # 8
179 posts
Blushing bee

I ended up in a similar situation. About 3 months after picking a ring, but while still waiting for the proposal, the FI and I went to look at a venue we liked. At the end of the tour they said, “Well, June of next year is already booked. Did you have a date in mind?” We were floored! So I asked him, “2015 or 2016?” and he said to go for it! We picked a date for 2015 and headed from the venue to the ring store. We had a venue and a photographer by the time the ring was ready a week later.

Not the world’s most romantic story, but the FI and I are both direct and open people, so it worked for us. I thought we were weird at the time, but the more people I talk to, the more I find out they were in the same situation. As long as you’re both on board, I think there’s no harm! 

Post # 9
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

WifeyGtoBe: I think it’s completely fine if it’s a mutual decision between you and your SO.  Being engaged is typically marked with a ring, but if you both have communicated and committed to being married, I see that as being engaged.  

My SO and I have been talking about marriage for a year; on a whim, I found the perfect stone and we made a decision to finally move forward with a wedding. I was told I’d get the ring some time in 2015.  Talk to your SO about the ring- if you want something specific, now’s the perfect time to start looking together.

Popular venues book up quickly.  I have already booked a venue.  When I called to see what fall, Saturday dates were available for 2015, there were only 3 open.

If he fails to follow through with his commitments or to move forward with planning, then you can start feeling weird.  That would definitely warrant a discussion.  Until then, enjoy and book your venue to get a date that works for you guys.  Congrats!

  • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  jar111415.
Post # 10
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

Bridey77:  You can be engaged without a ring. Some couples mutually agree to get married without a formal proposal. I’d move forward with the planning and let him know you are excited about getting a ring , and that you’d like the night or day he gives it to you to be a special day.<br /><br /><br />

ITA with this, this is kind of how it happened for DH and I. I think it was March, and we were talking one night and agreed to get married during the following December. However, it was not a formal proposal. It was a mutual discussion between us about our timeline and our plan. 

He formally proposed with the ring about one month before we were actually married. I was OK with it because we didn’t have a regular wedding. We just eloped to the courthouse because there was so much going on.

But OP, in your case, if you’re going to be planning an actual wedding and reception, then yeah, I would hold off until you have the ring. Just talk with him about it and find out if he’s open to you having input on the style of ring. For your sake I hope he is! Lol. If so, then happy ring shopping! 

Good luck and congratulations!

Post # 11
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m in the same boat! Starting to plan but not going to spend any money til the ring is on my finger. Wish they would both hurry up!!

Post # 12
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

WifeyGtoBe:  We had our date before he officially proposed as well.  We were in Ireland and he turned to me and said “I’m going to marry you” (very matter of factly) and I said “Yep, you are.”  When we got home from the trip we took a look at dates that would work with my work schedule and the school schedules in Ireland and Germany and picked our weekend.  I was lamenting to my mum that we were going to have to get married on Valentine’s Day when she mentioned that its a long weekend with a holiday Monday, so we could get married on the Sunday.  And then we had our final date.  

He didn’t propose (or buy a ring) until 3 months later.  We’d actually checked out 3 venues (and chose one of them) before the actual proposal.  

Post # 13
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Congratulations! Enjoy this time, savor the fact that you know it’s gonna happen and you get to enjoy a quiet period of bliss before everyone starts pressuring you for wedding  details. ..

Post # 14
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

You’re definitely not alone! We started doing a little planning, such as picking a tentative date and choosing colors. But I told him that I don’t feel comfortable doing much more until the proposal.

Post # 15
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

You’ve decided together to get married. You’ve set a wedding date. Congrats, you’re engaged. 

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