Post # 1
I try not to let people bother me, but sometimes it’s hard to ignore the negativity. I just don’t see why almost every person I tell that my FI went dress shopping needs to remind me that it’s not traditional and ask my why we did it that way, and remind me that the surprise is now ruined.
Obviously we talked about it and decided it was the right decision for us, yet so many people have already questioned it, and it just bums me out. Dress shopping is not my thing, and my mom is a very tomboyish person who cares NOTHING about dress shopping with me. My sister is in Korea, and taking too many people would overwhelm me. FI and I agreed we liked the idea of doing it together. I wish people would just let me be happy about things and do things my way and understand I know what is traditional, and I understand that if he has seen it it’s not a surprise anymore.
I think the worst response was his mom. When we told her she literally stopped in her tracks, said “WHAT?!”, gave me a really nasty look, and then just kind of shook her head and walked away. I calmly responded by saying that our marria would either last or not last and that him seeing my dress would have nothing to do with it.
Anyone else deal with feeling bummed when friends/family act like it’s some huge deal that you bucked tradition?
Post # 2
MissPhish: I can’t say that this happened to me because my DH wanted to be traditional in that sense. I’m sorry that people are giving you grief about it. Maybe tell them that he won’t see you in makeup/hair/veil etc until the big day, so it will still be a surprise on the wedding day(and they should stop worrying/judging about something that doesn’t have anything to do with them).
Post # 2
I took my fiancé shopping with me for my dress. It was fine because I know my body shape and what looks good on me. I wanted to see if he had any particular preference. Not that it mattered per se but I was curious. Haha
Anyway, I took him shopping and pick about four dresses in each of the two stores I went to. I then went back on my own and picked the dress I liked the best the following week. He has no idea which one my dress is.
I say go with whomever makes you the most comfortable and beautiful.
Post # 4
I didn’t bring FI dress shopping with me, but we will be doing “first look” photos on our wedding day before the ceremony. I’ve told some people about it and gotten the same reaction as you did from a few old-fashioned people. Who cares if he sees the dress before you walk down the aisle? It’s your wedding day, and all that matters is that you two are happy.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
I had mine pick one out with me online and he knows the it’s the dress i ordered, he just hasn’t seen me in it. I even have a copy of it pinned up inside the closet door. We are having a first look too. I didn’t care. He hasn’t seen ME in it, with all the accessories, all dolled up and I guarantee he will still be taken aback at that first look on the wedding day. 🙂
Post # 6
MissPhish: Yes, people can be really harsh. I come from a place where weddings are really simple. Lots of relatives, but no bridal party, no dinner, no gift registry, etc. People get married after dinner and then we have a big dance in the community hall, with little or no food, and people generally bring their own beer or they can buy it there. We just don’t believe that a young couple starting in life should be spending that much money on a party!
Well, I am getting married away from home to a really nice guy, but he is more accustomed to the USA and English Canadian traditions (I am French Canadian). I just can’t do a gift registry, they are absolutely not a part of my culture and I don’t like them. So instead, we decided to ask people to make a donation for the Canadian Cancer Society…(we don’t need gifts, we have all we need, and lots of our friends just bought a house or had kids, and we figure they should keep their money). Well, his friends were shocked and upset that I had no gift registry and wanted no gifts (they don’t even have to make a donation, it is just a suggestion on the invitation). They were also shocked that I don’t have bridesmaids or maid of honor, or that the reception is actually a party in the party room of our condo building (with lots of food and drink and even musicians). But apparently, the room is not fancy enough (who cares? I want people to have fun and dance and eat and mingle, not spend the night at the same table listening to speeches!)
Anyway, I understand perfectly what you are going through. But I say do what you feel is right! I think it is great that your FI is going dress shopping, and I would have loved mine to come with me if he wasn’t so traditional! After a while, his friends accepted that my traditions had to be a part of our wedding, and like you said, the marriage will last or not, and that will not depend on the traditions!
Post # 7
MissPhish: I really think you should do what makes you happy! I do have to admit that if you told me IRL that you took your fiance, I would ask why. Not to judge you, just out of curiosity.
Also, by the time you get married he probably won’t remember your dress anyways. And you will look infinitely different with your hair, makeup, accessories etc.. Anyone who says it ruins the surprise is completely wrong!
Post # 8
Lol, people are so funny! Especially older women (moms, aunts).. god forbid you break like a 1000 year old tradition! My FI did not come shopping with me but I did kind of want him too. I did show him like every option online though, so i’m pretty sure he has some idea of what my dress will look like just from all the pictures I’ve shown him.
You are completely correct, your marriage will not fail just because your FI saw your dress, so silly!
If it makes you guys happy, then go for it! So sick of people making brides feel bad for doing their own thing. I think it just creates another special, happy moment between the two of you 🙂
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May
I scoff at some of these old fashioned traditions. My FI was minutes away from coming dress shopping with me when my mother literally stood me up. Instead his sister came but he had no issues coming for support and neither did I. For the record, I don’t believe in most traditions anymore. With my first marriage I followed every tradition to the T and it still went bad, so this time around all old fashioned rules go right out the window.
Post # 10
I think in Asia, it’s really common to take your man wedding dress shopping with you. I guess because quite often it’s the fiance paying for the dress, so it makes sense he wants to be part of the decision-making process.
I think it’s totally fine to take your FI with you…especially if you trust his judgement. FI insisted I be there when his suit was made, picking out fabrics, lining, buttons etc – and again when we bought his tux for the wedding dinner. I completely trust him when it comes to picking out his own clothes, but he wanted me there. I don’t see the difference if I wanted him with me dress shopping!
Honestly, seeing you in a dress that’s not necessarily in your size, without all the accessories/hair and makeup done, is a world away from seeing you walk down the aisle. He may help you pick out your dress, but it’s still going to take his breath away on the big day. You could also maybe keep some element of surprise by taking him dress shopping, but not revealing which gown you choose.
Post # 11
I always knew I’d take my fiancè dress shopping with me. He’s particular about fashion, I didn’t want him to pretend he liked a dress if he didn’t & he isn’t the type who forgets what I wear on special occasions (he remembers particularly beautiful dresses I’ve worn on special occasions from 5+ years before).
When his family members found out, they all gave me crap about it, even though they knew how particular he is. My family, being neither traditional nor sentimental in this aspect, were amused but not shocked & did not fight me. His family wouldn’t let it go, however, & even started bringing up the topic just to call FI names in “jest” (but actually meaning it), like that he was nosy, that this was a “woman’s thing” & a man had no business participating. Therefore, we went shopping without telling any of them & chose my dress. Only FI & MOH went with me. That’s the price they paid for not minding their own business! Who cares if he sees the dress? If he wants to & is excited to share this moment with you, what does it matter? I’m dressing for myself & also for my FI on my wedding day, not for anyone else.
They still “joke” about it but have accepted that they’ll see the dress when I go for my fitting.
Don’t let annoying, nosy family members get you down. Do what’s right for you!