Weddingbee boards
I just got back from walking Francis the pug and picking up my dry cleaning. The owner of the dry cleaners has known me for 3 years, and she regularly asks me when I'm going to have kids.
The two year mark of marriage was when we really started feeling the pressure from friends, family, and strangers about having kids. Mr. Bee and I have been married for 4 years, and two miscarriages later, I don't want to have kids as much as I did when we hit the two year mark. In fact I would wait another 5 years if I could!
I know people mean well when they ask so it usually doesn't bother me. I admit I was guilty of asking people too before I got married myself. But now I never ask anyone when they're going to have kids.
So has the "when are you going to have kids" questions started for you yet? How do you usually answer?
We've had people ask- and we've had people tell us to wait!
Honestly, we aren't even worried about it right now. I'm more concerened about the wedding and us both keeping jobs!
His family has been asking since we first dating-which is really odd to me..my fiance is asian and everyone in his family tells me it's just their culture..marriage=hurry up and start popping babies.. My family always mentions.."in the distant future WHEN you have kids..." haha so they are different.
Now that we are engaged and to be married in less than a year..his mom keeps reciting "2011 is a very good year to have a baby-boy or girl!" I don't get it...they are very superstitious ppl though so maybe thats it..
We have decided when we are ready..it will come..which is fine with my fam..but his family is already annoying me =) Don't get me wrong-I want kids..but I feel too many ppl (at least in his family) rushed just to keep the family happy-not gonna happen with us..havent these ppl heard...."A BABY CHANGES EVERYTHING!" ;)
We've been dating for 8 years+ so we've already been asked the question! The questions was never IF we would get married. But when.
I love kids, I have 3 beautiful niece and nephews and will gain 2 more through way of marriage and I love them all to death.
I have ALWAYS wanted kids, this is a sentimental topic for me so I won't go too deep.
But I've always wanted my first kid before 30, god willing...so I'll be 28 when I'm married. We'll be trying pronto! after marriage! 
Mrs. Bee,
I'm very sorry about the miscarriages.
My mother has the "I want to be a grandparent bug" and she keeps asking me. i keep telling her that She's going to have to wait awhile.. at least until we get married and then maybe even a few more years!
Although we get asked the same question a lot, We want to wait another 2 years. Me personally, I have gotten used to ignoring the question :)
Our parents have been asking about grandchildren since we got engaged (my FIL's response to us getting engaged was "I'm going to be a grandfather"). My mom even went as far as getting chocolates to put on our pillow the night of our wedding which were two big gators and six (!!!) baby gators to remind us that there will be children in our future (we're both UF grads).
We have both decided to wait atleast two years before we start a family so that we can enjoy each other and being newly married. We also wanted to wait until we were settled in our jobs and felt financially ready to support a child. Fortunately, our families have been supportive of our decision and both mothers know that the question is off the table for atleast two years.
I'm sure no one will start asking us too soon, because I'm only 22 and have been very vocal in the past few years about the fact that I'm not even sure I want to have kids. My FI is 30, but I don't think his age is an issue. Neither FI or I has very strong feelings either way, actually -- we just want to be together, kids or none. We won't be getting married for another 2ish years, and it would be 5 or so more before I'd even consider kids.
My parents are only in their mid-50's, so they're probably not feeling the "grandparent bug" too much yet. But I am the youngest of their three children and, as of now, I'm the only one who's ever so much as talked about marriage. My FI's brother and his wife just had their first baby in Oct., so FMIL is probably too busy fawning over her first grandchild to think about any more.
Thank GOODNESS my brother is five years older, has been married for five years, and has a beautiful two year old daughter ... or else we'd be in big trouble! My parents are the best grandparents to my niece but I know they are ready for more ... and thankfully, so are we! We've been asked, but not too many times, we are young and we already both have big extended families - so there are lots of babies to go around at holiday parties. A few people who know me well and know my love for babies have asked how long we will wait, and when I say "not long" they know I meant it!
People have been asking us this question since we got back from our honeymoon! We actually aren't planning on having children and that's always the standard answer we give whenever we get asked but the same people still continually ask anyway. They always say "oh you're just saying that" or "you'll DEFINITELY change your mind", especially with people that have been dreaming about being parents since they were young and have always been absolutely sure that they wanted to be parents and think that anyone who doesn't want to be a parent is crazy. I try to be patient about it but I have to admit, it gets pretty frustrating once in awhile. I can only hope that they get sick of asking and getting the same response every single time!
People started asking me this MONTHS ago, and we're not getting married until June! One was some random relation of FH's who I barely know, who proceeded to count 9 months from our honeymoon and inform us that she would be expecting a "new little bundle" at that time... so that was a bit awkward.
We get the question ALL THE TIME from my husband's family, but not from mine. I find it incredibly frustrating, and often rude, when people ask. For starters, when we decide to have children is OUR business, and we will share when we want -- it is not THEIR place to nose around and ask us. My mother had seven miscarriages and a stillbirth; my MIL had several miscarriages as well, who is to say I won't be the same? Even when my husband and I start trying, I certainly won't share that information with anyone because nobody outside of our marriage or our doctors needs to know if we're having fertility problems.
Plus, in June, my husband is moving away and we'll be in a long-distance relationship for a couple of years. And yet they still think it is appropriate to expect me to get pregnant now and raise a child on my own while I am in the lab 80 hours/week working towards my Ph.D. and my husband is living a couple states away?
My husband's grandmother is the worst of them all. I cannot see her without her asking if I'm "doing anything useful" yet (i.e., is there a great-grandchild growing in there). Because obviously, my only use in life is as a fetus-incubator.
I'll be 32 at the time of the wedding, so time is definitely not on my side on this one. Emotionally we're both ready to have kids right away, but I'm thinking about starting my own business and the FI is thinking of starting a new career, so timing is definitely causing a bit of stress all around. I think whenever (or IF ever) you want kids is the time to have them. If you don't want them, don't cave to the pressure!
Not a lot of people ask us. I think because we're both older, I'm 32, he's 39, they assume that we'll have them pretty quick. And they're right! We don't want to wait too long. Part of me wants to start trying a month or two before the wedding! And part of me wants to wait 3 or 4 months after the wedding to just be able to relax and be us.
My FI are going to wait a couple of years after we get married. Somewhere between 3-5, we'll see.
None of our family or friends have really pressured us in any way, possibly because I'm only 23 :)
My fiance is a lot older than me.... (gasp! lol we didn't know one anothers age when we first started dating. You know what they say "To assume...") so he really, really wanted to have children post-haste! We've discussed this many times & we've agreed to reassess a few years into our marriage. I feel like the longer we wait, the better off our odds are!
We live with his dad, so I'm sure he's not itching for grandbabies from us til we move out. His mom however (his parents are divorced) asks me every time we go over there if I'm pregnant, to which FI and I both get very irritated. His sister has 2 kids and another on the way, you would think she'd be fine with them.
My parents on the other hand, have no grandchildren and are fine with that. I've been back and forth on whether to have kids or not, and my parents have always told me to whatever makes me happy, they'll support me either way. They even said that when I told them I was going to swear off men and become a lesbian (when I was a teenager) to which my mom replied "That's not a bad idea, maybe I'll do the same!!" Even though my parents have been happily married for 30 years...
His sister jokes with me about it, I know she would love to be an aunt but she understands that I want to be MARRIED before I start having kids. I'll be almost 26 when we get married, FI will be 27 1/2 (we're getting married on his half birthday!) and I figure we'll wait til I'm 29 or 30 to have kids. There's a chance I can't have children, so I think once we're married I'll find out for sure. We've talked about it, and if I can't then it'll just be us. My boss are her husband don't have kids, so they get to spend all their money on themselves and spoiling their friends' kids and nieces and nephews. They go on vacations quite a few times a year, so that wouldn't be so bad.
I honestly don't feel that I'll ever be ready to be a parent, and will probably look at my children throughout their lives wondering how the hell I ended up being a mom. Either way, I guess I'll be happy.
Ok, enough of my rambling. I think its totally rude of people to keep asking this question, and it seems like family thinks their entitled to ask since your family!! I have a couple of friends who try to make me pregnant every time I talk to them, like them saying I am will magicly make me pregnant...freaking weirdos
I already have one and the Mr and I want to have kids very soon. We haven't tried but are planning to wait until I graduate from law school and find a job which will be another year and a half, but we plan on getting started right away. Women in my family have had problems getting or staying pregnant past a certain age so I want to have all my kids by 30 so I hopefully wont run into that same problem- plus, it lessens my risk of certain kinds of female cancers that are also prevalent in my family so I have multiple reasons to start sooner
Luckily, no one has asked us when yet. My mother keeps bothering us to start now because she wants a girl to corrupt by spoiling but no other comments other than that
People ask us all the time- espeically since there are so many little ones running around in our family and Mr. Peep is closer to 40 than 30. I'd like him to be a Dad before he's 40, but since we aren't ready yet, I am hoping we can eek it in right before his big 4-0.
We get that question from strangers mostly which shocks me that people feel they can feel so free to ask a personal question like that. We have agreed that neither of us wants kids and everyone who knows us knows this about us so they just hassle us with WHEN is the wedding. We just had a run in with a guy at a furniture store who gave us hell for not wanting kids...maybe we just look like we care about people's opinions--who knows? :)
I'm enjoying just being being a wife right now. I love that I can spend as much time with my hubby as I want and transition into this new (and big) role without a baby (yet). We'll probably wait about a year or so before "trying." Hubs and I want to be young parents so that we'll still have energy for them - that's the advice we've gotten. :)
We want to start trying immediately! I cannot wait! My FI is 7 years older than I am, and he is convinced that if we don't have kids right away that he'll be using a walker when they graduate high school! :)
We get the question occasionally, but not in a nagging, invasive way, just curiosity on part of our friends. We will probably end up waiting at least two years after we're married...just so we can get some only us time and work on saving and transitioning to a place in life where we'll be ready to take care of another human being =).
I've always known I didn't want kids, and I have had the sterilization to prove it (yay Essure!), so we're able to dispense of the question pretty quickly. My fiance's parents were a bit disappointed that they won't be having grandkids (as were my parents), but they're over it.
Well, we WERE waiting. :) Just found out on Wednesday that the schedule is being moved up about 6 years. And actually, people encouraged us to wait. His dad said "I don't want to be a grandpa before I'm 60!" and the other day his mom told me that she hoped we would avoid the "pregnancy epidemic" that is sweeping our group of friends.. definitely biting my tongue on the phone in that conversation. Oh well, I know they'll be supportive, but yeah.. life is what happens when you're making other plans, right?
Congratulations December!!!
My mom definitely LOVES being a grandmother! She has been wanting a grandbaby for YEARS! Luckily my sister had a baby last year - and she is the center of my mom's world!
My family is pressuring me just a little bit b/c they love my fiance so much and think we'd be great parents. When I told my aunt that we were probably not going to take a very long honeymoon, her response was "yeah, you don't need to be gone for too long. Take a quick trip and then get home and start making babies!" LOL :)
It doesn't bother me yet. Ilove kids and would love to have one about year - year and a half after our wedding :)
when I was young, I wanted to be married a year before even thinking about kids. Considering I was 29.5 for our wedding, and he was 31, we are hoping to start maybe 9 months after, off pill before then...I would like it to be sooner, in case there are problems, but I need to graduate in December, so really there is not much stretch room.
My parents aren't pressuring us at all but his have been for awhile!
My hairdresser asked as soon as I announced I needed someone to do my wedding hair. I just said no and that it would be quite a while.
We didn't get asked at all because I found out I was pregnant a month after our wedding! I missed one stupid little pill (ok not so stupid!) and BAM I'm knocked up. Its good things just a lot sooner than we thought...
Now That I'm pregnant, I've realized that there really isn't a "good time" to have kids, just like there isn't a "good time" to move. ya just do it and figure it out
you mean getting knocked up at 19 and then getting married isn't the norm??? lol. I've already got 2 kids, and at 23, I'm done!
My goal is to pregnant with my first child by the time I'm 30. Since I'm already 26, that gives me a few more years of freedom! :)
I have one and he has two.
We *Might* still want one, but it'll be up to my doc and after we're married. I'll be an elderly para gravida!
I actually don't want kids, we have fur babies--as of right now, just one, shelter cat: Warhol. We saved him from getting killed, but no kids for us, I am a wild one, who wants to see the world.
We have already started trying. We hope to have our first baby within the next year.
We are in the group of no kids in our future. We talked about it before we got married and both were adament that we didn't want kids. My husband says that he'd get the snip snip so I can go off birth control. I still don't see us having kids but when he mentioned having the surgery in the next year or two I asked what he would do if I changed my mind and he said he would get it reversed and support me in anything I wanted (I'm only 25 and could, but don't see myself, change my mind)
We've been asked a few times already (we'll have been together over four years by wedding day, and we're both in our late 20s), but not with too much regularity. I'm sure it will start up after we're married, but I have two planned answers: if it's someone who really has no business asking, I'm going to tell them we're barren (that will shut them up, I think! an inappropriate question deserves an inappropriate answer!), and if it's family, then it'll just be "When we're ready." We actually would love to start trying soon after the wedding, but it's really an issue of financial stability. When we get there, we'll get there.
We don't really get asked this and that's fine by me. We're getting married in early summer 2010 and then we're both graduating the next year (EdD for me, MBA for him) so it'll definitely be after that.
His dad (mostly kiddding) told us about a year before we got engaged (dating for 3+ years) that he really wanted to be a grandpa and and he'd overlook the whole "married" thing if that's how we wanted to do it. The FIL's aren't pressuring us, but they've definitely got the grandparent bug.
We haven't had our wedding yet and people are already asking. My co-workers are constantly making comments. My parents are asking me if it's going to be next year. They would love it to be soon after the wedding. The worst I would have to say is my FMIL because last week when we went to go visit her she had this magazine on the table:
when I asked her who it was for she said, "for you because you need to start getting ready to have kids you know." Ahh seriously I'm not even finished with the wedding planning and they are already trying to get me to have kids. 
They want more grandkids and all I want to do is finish school.
dude, we were only married a few months and our families are already asking us when we're having kids.
I have been asked by multiple people since we got engaged. We've been together for nearly 8 years so I think that's why people assume we'll want to try right after the wedding. But I'm only 22, FI 24. If you would have asked me 2-3 years ago, I would probably have said I want to try on the honeymoon... Things have changed lol. I have always loved kids and cannot wait to be a mother but right now more than anything I just want time with my husband. We want to travel a little bit, when funds allow. I want to have a good career, and we want to make sure we'll have enough income to support a child. We're thinking 2 years then start trying :)
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