Post # 1
- Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York
I just got back from walking Francis the pug and picking up my dry cleaning. The owner of the dry cleaners has known me for 3 years, and she regularly asks me when I’m going to have kids.
The two year mark of marriage was when we really started feeling the pressure from friends, family, and strangers about having kids. Mr. Bee and I have been married for 4 years, and two miscarriages later, I don’t want to have kids as much as I did when we hit the two year mark. In fact I would wait another 5 years if I could!
I know people mean well when they ask so it usually doesn’t bother me. I admit I was guilty of asking people too before I got married myself. But now I never ask anyone when they’re going to have kids.
So has the "when are you going to have kids" questions started for you yet? How do you usually answer?
Post # 3
We’ve had people ask- and we’ve had people tell us to wait!
Honestly, we aren’t even worried about it right now. I’m more concerened about the wedding and us both keeping jobs!
Post # 4
His family has been asking since we first dating-which is really odd to me..my fiance is asian and everyone in his family tells me it’s just their culture..marriage=hurry up and start popping babies.. My family always mentions.."in the distant future WHEN you have kids…" haha so they are different.
Now that we are engaged and to be married in less than a year..his mom keeps reciting "2011 is a very good year to have a baby-boy or girl!" I don’t get it…they are very superstitious ppl though so maybe thats it..
We have decided when we are ready..it will come..which is fine with my fam..but his family is already annoying me =) Don’t get me wrong-I want kids..but I feel too many ppl (at least in his family) rushed just to keep the family happy-not gonna happen with us..havent these ppl heard…."A BABY CHANGES EVERYTHING!" 😉
Post # 5
We’ve been dating for 8 years+ so we’ve already been asked the question! The questions was never IF we would get married. But when.
I love kids, I have 3 beautiful niece and nephews and will gain 2 more through way of marriage and I love them all to death.
I have ALWAYS wanted kids, this is a sentimental topic for me so I won’t go too deep.
But I’ve always wanted my first kid before 30, god willing…so I’ll be 28 when I’m married. We’ll be trying pronto! after marriage!
I’m very sorry about the miscarriages.
Post # 6
My mother has the "I want to be a grandparent bug" and she keeps asking me. i keep telling her that She’s going to have to wait awhile.. at least until we get married and then maybe even a few more years!
Post # 7
Although we get asked the same question a lot, We want to wait another 2 years. Me personally, I have gotten used to ignoring the question 🙂
Post # 8
Our parents have been asking about grandchildren since we got engaged (my FIL’s response to us getting engaged was "I’m going to be a grandfather"). My mom even went as far as getting chocolates to put on our pillow the night of our wedding which were two big gators and six (!!!) baby gators to remind us that there will be children in our future (we’re both UF grads).
We have both decided to wait atleast two years before we start a family so that we can enjoy each other and being newly married. We also wanted to wait until we were settled in our jobs and felt financially ready to support a child. Fortunately, our families have been supportive of our decision and both mothers know that the question is off the table for atleast two years.
Post # 9
I’m sure no one will start asking us too soon, because I’m only 22 and have been very vocal in the past few years about the fact that I’m not even sure I want to have kids. My FI is 30, but I don’t think his age is an issue. Neither FI or I has very strong feelings either way, actually — we just want to be together, kids or none. We won’t be getting married for another 2ish years, and it would be 5 or so more before I’d even consider kids.
My parents are only in their mid-50’s, so they’re probably not feeling the "grandparent bug" too much yet. But I am the youngest of their three children and, as of now, I’m the only one who’s ever so much as talked about marriage. My FI’s brother and his wife just had their first baby in Oct., so FMIL is probably too busy fawning over her first grandchild to think about any more.
Post # 10
Thank GOODNESS my brother is five years older, has been married for five years, and has a beautiful two year old daughter … or else we’d be in big trouble! My parents are the best grandparents to my niece but I know they are ready for more … and thankfully, so are we! We’ve been asked, but not too many times, we are young and we already both have big extended families – so there are lots of babies to go around at holiday parties. A few people who know me well and know my love for babies have asked how long we will wait, and when I say "not long" they know I meant it!
Post # 11
People have been asking us this question since we got back from our honeymoon! We actually aren’t planning on having children and that’s always the standard answer we give whenever we get asked but the same people still continually ask anyway. They always say "oh you’re just saying that" or "you’ll DEFINITELY change your mind", especially with people that have been dreaming about being parents since they were young and have always been absolutely sure that they wanted to be parents and think that anyone who doesn’t want to be a parent is crazy. I try to be patient about it but I have to admit, it gets pretty frustrating once in awhile. I can only hope that they get sick of asking and getting the same response every single time!
Post # 12
People started asking me this MONTHS ago, and we’re not getting married until June! One was some random relation of FH’s who I barely know, who proceeded to count 9 months from our honeymoon and inform us that she would be expecting a "new little bundle" at that time… so that was a bit awkward.
Post # 13
We get the question ALL THE TIME from my husband’s family, but not from mine. I find it incredibly frustrating, and often rude, when people ask. For starters, when we decide to have children is OUR business, and we will share when we want — it is not THEIR place to nose around and ask us. My mother had seven miscarriages and a stillbirth; my MIL had several miscarriages as well, who is to say I won’t be the same? Even when my husband and I start trying, I certainly won’t share that information with anyone because nobody outside of our marriage or our doctors needs to know if we’re having fertility problems.
Plus, in June, my husband is moving away and we’ll be in a long-distance relationship for a couple of years. And yet they still think it is appropriate to expect me to get pregnant now and raise a child on my own while I am in the lab 80 hours/week working towards my Ph.D. and my husband is living a couple states away?
My husband’s grandmother is the worst of them all. I cannot see her without her asking if I’m "doing anything useful" yet (i.e., is there a great-grandchild growing in there). Because obviously, my only use in life is as a fetus-incubator.
Post # 14
I’ll be 32 at the time of the wedding, so time is definitely not on my side on this one. Emotionally we’re both ready to have kids right away, but I’m thinking about starting my own business and the FI is thinking of starting a new career, so timing is definitely causing a bit of stress all around. I think whenever (or IF ever) you want kids is the time to have them. If you don’t want them, don’t cave to the pressure!
Post # 15
Not a lot of people ask us. I think because we’re both older, I’m 32, he’s 39, they assume that we’ll have them pretty quick. And they’re right! We don’t want to wait too long. Part of me wants to start trying a month or two before the wedding! And part of me wants to wait 3 or 4 months after the wedding to just be able to relax and be us.
Post # 16
My FI are going to wait a couple of years after we get married. Somewhere between 3-5, we’ll see.