So who's NOT super kinky?

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@juliana192:  I was definitely “kinkier” with exes than I am with my FI. I know for a lot of people it is empowering, but to be completely honest- I did most of the things I did because I felt bad about myself and thought I needed to bring something “extra” to the table. FI & I have a great sex life and I don’t miss that stuff at all. I have just as much physical pleasure and a whole hell of a lot more emotional pleasure now than I ever did before. That might not be true for everyone, but that’s where I’m at. 

Post # 4
Member
800 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@juliana192:  Be exceedingly happy! It doesn’t matter if anyone else is like you! You sound very happy and content with your relationship. That’s all that matters. These days there’s very little privacy and people feel the need to share all their personal information. I can’t believe everything I read. Whatever works between two people is all that matters.

My husband had a pretty kinky FB before he knew me. He got to experience all kinds of things men fantasize about and TBH it sounds like it was more about how weird they could get than anything else. They used each other. I’m glad he got to have that (and was tested just before we met!!).

I used to think he couldn’t possibly be happy with me because there wouldn’t be all that going on and I had some insecurity (as it was I was coming out of a 25 yr marriage that was mostly sexless). However, it’s turned out that I’m actually less vanilla than he is, in the long run. He loves the comfort part of our intimate life and says nothing in his life compares to how good it is for him, and I believe him.

Post # 5
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@juliana192:  Oh man, we are SO vanilla. We both have pretty low sex drives right now with work and grad school and life, but we are both 100% okay with that! We only get it on maybe once a month, twice if we’re feeling frisky 😛 haha. But no, we are not too crazy, and I like it like that. I’m not someone who needs crazy sex ALL THE TIME to be happy in a relationship.

Post # 6
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@juliana192:  I totally could have written your post!!

You are definitely not the only one. We are an incredibly loving and happy couple, and our sex is, 99% of the time, like 3 positions + oral, lol. And I am totally satisfied and feel very sexy and desired. But like you, at first I was a little insecure about it–like, will he get bored of this? Should I be breaking out the handcuffs? Fortunately, I figured out a few months in that he is satisfied too, and I have stopped worrying about it since. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Me!! I’m the same, my previous bf we were all over each other but not with Dh. But its due mainly to me feeling insecure. I agree, I’m also content with what were currently doing but im planning on being with him forever so i hope we do end up spicing it up!

Post # 8
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@juliana192:  I am, my FI is, and we are very happy being, incredibly vanilla. 🙂 All I need is a nice chemise and SO is like a mad man, I love it. I found an ex with more robust sexual needs very tiring.

FI and I also are very affectionate. I don’t need sex to fulfill my emotional side of things, and I have a low sex drive at the moment (him pretty normal)

I am definitely the most content Ive ever been 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2741 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Me and my FI are HELLA VANILLA, and that’s okay. Haha. I’m sure he would like it if we did it more, but I generally have a pretty low sex drive. Like, doing it once a month is fine with me. I’m just not that sexual a person.

Post # 10
Member
1969 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We get REALLY kinky a few times a year, but most of the time we keep it pretty vanilla. And that’s just the way I like it.  

Post # 11
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@juliana192:  Be happy with it!  Look, when it comes to sex, it’s whatever floats your boat.  If everything is awesome for your & your SO, that’s just as awesome & intimate as the couple that needs hardcore bondage & midget in gimp suits to get them off.  Having a sex room a la Fifty Shades of Gray doesn’t make one couple better at sex or make it more fulfilling sex than the couple that doesn’t need it. Sex isn’t a contest.  Wild, crazy, kinky sex doesn’t always mean it’s a good sex life, a good relationship, etc.  Just like vanilla sex doesn’t mean that your sex life is boring.

 

If being vanilla works for you, own it & enjoy it.

 

 

Post # 12
cherrypieBee
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

Hey, don’t feel bad! We identify as kinky, polyamorous, and into BDSM, but here’s the deal… We and have tried all SORTS of things over the last 13 years, yet 90+ percent of the sex we have is regular vanilla sex, missionary style, with minimal foreplay, and we don’t even have crazy amounts of it. Our sex drives aren’t unbelievably high, and we don’t have a lot of requirements of each other or strict fetishes that we need to get off. We like regular sex where you insert tab A into slot B, too.

Kink is great and so is being creative, but life happens and we’re often tired, not in the mood, or stressed for time. Being kinky doesn’t necessarily mean that you have beuacoup crazy sex hanging from the chandelier, it just means you’re game when the time is right!

Post # 13
Member
8518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

Oh, us (though mostly me.) I’m way too shy to do kinky things.

Post # 14
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m in a bit of strange boat, i like the kinkier side if things but my partner is quite vanilla. Don’t get me wrong he is a great lover, very giving and has a high sex drive, but there are things that I like that we don’t really do that much. Sex is a beautiful, special thing you and your man share so trying things can be really fun!

Post # 15
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@aribanana:  Same here. DH is about as vanilla as they come but I’ve been getting him on board for some more stuff lately! We don’t have sex a whole lot due to his work schedule, which is fine with me. My BCP drained my sex drive down to nothing lol.

Post # 16
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Mr TTR & I are older, and Encores.

And we are very much VANILLA NOW…

The story that @lorie: (Reply # 3) tells & mine are pretty similar

Mr TTR is older and more worldly than I am.

I came off of a 20+ year marriage that was pretty loveless & sexless… so I am totally ok with Vanilla.

That isn’t to say that Mr TTR & I don’t throw in another spice into the mix once in awhile… it just isn’t anything too exotic or unfamilar.  Vanilla works for us.

Lol as they say variety is the spice of life.

But too much hot & spicy, and people tend to end up in the hospital… eventually… doesn’t matter if it is food or sex !!

Surprised * Embarassing is having something somewhere it shouldn’t be… and having to have a Doctor remove it or “treat” it !! *

 

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