Post # 1
So, I’m a very sentimental person. I like to keep tickets and momentos of things we’ve done together, etc. Celebrating the “dating anniversary” (just yearly, not monthly) is important to me. My SO thinks that it is weird to celebrate it, and says that we will do anniversaries when we’re married. I discussed with him how important it was to me before our 1-year last October. He said he understood but still did not want to do it. I asked if we could at least go out to dinner to mark the occasion. He said ok. Our anniversary came around, and he went back on what he said, resulting in an argument.
The 2-year is coming up in a few months and I know the same disappointment is going to happen again. I’ve told him that I’d rather have an anniversary than Valentine’s Day (which he has no problem celebrating), and he still says no. Am I being unreasonable to ask that we do the anniversary thing? I know he won’t allow it this year either, so I’m just venting 🙁
Post # 3
I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all that you want to do it, but it might be a little unreasonable to expect it when he’s made it clear he won’t do it. I am sure it’s disappointing and honestly I can’t understand why he wouldn’t celebrate a dating anniversary. I see dropping it once you get married be cause the wedding day becomes your new anniversary, but before the wedding? I don’t get it. However, if you’ve told him it’s important to you and he’s still not willing to do it, I don’t know what other options you have.
Maybe you can just go forward and make some plans for the day yourself. Do you think he wouldn’t be willing to go out to dinner even if you are the one who plans it?
I would certainly not expect anything from him though; I think it’s setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment.
Post # 4
Why don’t you try to make it special for you two? It doesn’t have to be going out to dinner or gifts, but just cook up a nice meal. If you’re the one who wants to celebrate something that not everyone celebrates, then I think it’s on you to make it what you want. Don’t expect much from him out of it since he has already told you that he’s more than willing to do the traditional holidays and the marriage anniversary celebrations, but I’m sure he would say “thank you” if you made him a great meal or something.
Even if you do want to go out, why don’t you plan the date? Make it something he’d enjoy, too. Is there an activity you’ve both talked about trying, but never got around to doing it? Make it a date.
There are two people in the relationship; you shouldn’t sit around waiting on him to do something romantic on days that you specify he should be romantic.
Post # 5
My Fiance doesn’t do the “dating anniversaries” either, he says we’ll celebrate wedding anniversaries and I started our relationship wanting too. We did go to dinner on our first “date”iversary, well, actually a few days later because day of I was in the ER. lol. This past year? I don’t even remember thinking about it in all honesty. I don’t think we did anything special in celebrating.
I think by expecting something each year, knowing he won’t want to celebrate it, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. If you want to do something to signify another year passing, go ahead and do it! But continuing to pressure him about it isn’t going to be good for either of you, or your coming years together.
Post # 6
I am the LEAST sentimental person on earth. I can see why your Fiance doesnt want to “celebrate” it. However, I am always up for going out to dinner. I think he should compromise on that.
Post # 7
I find that totally bizarre. Boyfriend or Best Friend and I don’t celebrate anniversaries, but we’re both on the same page about it.
Is he opposed to celebrating even if you plan it? I mean, who is opposed to going out for a nice dinner (assuming it is affordable)?
Frankly, I would be worried he would go back on his word once you’re married. I don’t see his reasoning. It’s not about the anniversary, it’s about him being willing to participate insomething’s that iimportant to you.
What do you think is at the root of his unwillingness? You’ve got to get to that. Is it him being stubborn and wanting to be right? That’s a yellow flag to me. Is it that he truly doesn’t understand what it means to you? That is easier to solve. Does he have some bad history with anniversaries?
Is there any other area where he is unwilling to do something reasonable??
Post # 8
@Kurzweil: Is it him being stubborn and wanting to be right?
Yep. This has been a problem at times in other areas.
It’s not about the anniversary, it’s about him being willing to participate in something’s that iimportant to you.
This, exactly. This hurts the most.
I would plan a dinner, but he will undoubtedly say something about it being weird and then I’m going to feel bad. So I’m not going to do anything this year. Like I said, I’m just kind of sad that we don’t have that in our relationship. He used to verbally mention that another month has gone by, and he said “wow, we’ve been together a year” when the one-year came up.
Post # 9
I think it’s strange he won’t do it when he knows it means something to you. My Darling Husband grew up in a family where no one ever gave each other cards and my family does it for EVERYTHING which he thought was weird BUT he knew it was important to me so he makes it a point to get me cards because it makes means something to me. I think your SO should WANT to celebrate to make you happy 🙁
Post # 10
I don’t understand the “dating anniversary” thing, are you going to expect an “engagement” anniversary too? After you’re married, are you going to expect these to go on including another anniversary, the wedding anniversary?
I was thinking of “graduations” when I read this post… Schools make a big deal of graduating kindergarten, after grade 6 (primary school), after grade 8 (middle school), after high school… ONE graduating ceremony is enough! And that should be after school is over, you’re still going to school after kindergarten, why have a graduation?
I understand you SO. Wedding anniversary is enough.
Post # 11
My boyfriend thinks you should be married to celebrate anniversarys aswell!!! haha we have been together 6 years soon, we didnt celebrate till 4 years and 5 years and I think he gets its kind of fun to do something to celebrate so now we do something small and get eachother a small gift. If you want to celebrate and he doesnt you can still.. get him something small make dinner plans hes not going to cancel them. if thats what you want to do then do it he doesnt have to get you a gift its really just to spend time together even if you do something eally small like take a walk or spend the evening together it doesnt have to be a big thing
Post # 12
I have a friend on FB who remembers the ‘anniversary’ of her bf asking her dads permission to date her, their first date, their first kiss, the day he asked her dads permission to marry her, they day they got married and the day they found out they were pregnant. It’s mind boggling… =O I don’t really care either way honestly, my Darling Husband never wanted to celebrate the ‘dativersary’ so we never did and now we don’t have to xD I don’t think it’s a big deal tbh.
Post # 13
@happyface: No, I’m not going to expect an engagement anniversary. This is about commemorating when we first met. And no, I’m not going to expect both when we’re married. This isn’t comparable to a kindergarten graduation. You don’t have to be snide.
Post # 14
I would let it go. It sounds a little high maintenance and like another poster said, setting yourself up for disappoinment – you are already thinking about this for October and it’s only May!!
He acknowledged it verbally, which is cute, and is willing to celebrate other romantic holidays…he’s not a total anti sentiment guy.
Post # 15
@newcitylights: Can you commemorate when you first met as part of your wedding ceremony instead? That seems reasonable moreso than a yearly thing if he really is not into it.
Post # 16
Did you ask him why? Maybe he had an ex that made dating anniversaries a big deal and now doing that reminds him of bad thing so he doesn’t like to do that. There are some things that remind me of my ex and I avoid like the plague even if they seem innocent or normal to other people, so maybe that could be a possibility?
In any case going out to dinner shouldn’t hurt 🙂