SO won't say "I love you" after 6 months

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3006 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

OK I am going to be in the minority here, based on most people’s experiences, but my DH is just like your SO. We *never* said “I love you”. We’d say “love ya” or some variation of those 2 little words, but never those 3 little words…..

Until the day he proposed.

No shit.

And you know what? It made the proposal a million times better, more heart-felt and meaningful. To us as a couple.

It IS worth it to stick around, as long as he makes you *feel* loved. To me, feeling and knowing deep in my heart that I am loved means much more than hearing the words all the time.

I hope this helps you!

 

Post # 4
Member
398 posts
Helper bee

i agree with the pp…my so didnt really say i love you till we had been together for about a year…even though i knew i loved him he wasnt there yet & he had never really been in a relationship where they said that all the time…everyone has their own timelines…

feeling loved and hearing i love you are very different things…

Post # 5
Member
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I said “I love you” after about 6 months with my now FI. His response was fairly similar to your SO’s – he said those were big words, he didn’t want to say anything he didn’t truly feel, etc. but as a PP said, he shows me every day how much he loves me and that I am the most important person to him. After almost a year together, he said he loved me. That was about 2 years ago now and he says it at least every other day now. 

Las long as he shows you he loves you, I’d wait and see how things go. It has only been 6 months. 

Post # 6
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think 6 months is too long to have not said it, but I do find it kind of odd that he wouldn’t say it until he proposes. If you’re going to get married, I’d assume it’s because you love each other and have loved each other for far longer than just starting the day he proposes.

 

Post # 7
Member
5351 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Well your scenerio was my husband and I but flipped flopped, he said “I love you” after 6 months, and while I cared for him very deeply, I wasn’t ready to say it. 

It took me almost a year to learn that I KNEW with every part of me, that I loved him, and meant it 100% when I said it.

Everyone has their own timelines, and for some people, like me and your BF, we need time to allow our love to grow. 

Post # 8
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@beach_lover89:  

I think this is a grey area and there might not be a clear-cut answer.

I would focus more on his actions than his words. Yes, it’s nice to hear “I love you” but it’s much more important that he shows you he loves you with his actions.

DH told me he loved me after two or three months of dating, and I was very happy about that, but honestly — he was just so wonderful and nice, that I would have been OK if he had taken much longer.

I know you want to hear it, and I totally understand your feelings. I would keep a close eye on his behavior and actions. We all know what actions of love look like and feel like. If he is sticking right by your side and being true blue, focus on that and trust that the words will come much later, when he is ready.

If at any point he pulls away from you or says things like “I’m not sure I want to get married,” I would consider that a big, red flag. But it sounds like your SO is not like that.

Good luck!

 

 

Post # 9
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@beach_lover89:  Yes, it is worth it to stick around if he treats you well and you’re happy in the relationship.  But there’s no harm in telling him how you  feel and that you love him, if you do.  But – if you say it, you’ll have to be ok with it if he’s not quite ready to say it back yet.  As long as you’re not expecting him to say it back, tell him that’s ok, but you love him and want to say it, and you’ll wait patiently until he is ready to say it.  Tell him you need to hear the words when he is ready to say them. 

The fact he takes it so seriously and has already confided to you that he’ll say it with a proposal means good things – when you hear it you’ll have no doubt it is true. 

Post # 10
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think 6 months is too long to have waited for the “I love you” so you’re in good standing right now.  Don’t worry!  As long as he shows that he cares and loves you, I would stick around. 

Post # 11
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@beach_lover89:  DH said he loved me just after two months, but WOAH how INCREDIBLE would it be if the first time you heard it was at the proposal! Aaaah SO romantic! And knowing you’re the ONLY girl he’s EVER said it to? AMAZING!

I would wait for it, and I’m an obsessive “Tell me you love me! Now say it again!” type!

Post # 12
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@beach_lover89:  

you only been together 5 months almost 6,he may not love you yet.most people do not fall in love in such a short time.i also belive you dont really know a person truly in just 6 months.

i would not be upset with him if he doesnt love you yet,you havent been together long enough to be inlove yet imo

Post # 13
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It depends if it’s important for you to hear it. It’s important to me. I wanted a man who could verbalize his feelings, it’s really important to me, that’s how I was raised with my family, we were never uncomfortable about saying it. Not all people can do that easily, though.  We got engaged after 3 years of dating, I do not think I would have waited for the proposal.

This doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, or that he won’t ever say it, or that he’s bad or you should dump him or anything like that. You just need to decide what’s important to you.

Post # 14
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@beach_lover89:

I don’t think you should pressure him.  People say it whenever they are ready to.  It’s good that he doesn’t take it to lightly.  I knew a girl who would literally change boyfriend’s every month and each one she told she loved them.

I’m not saying you have to put up with it but your only other option is breaking up with him.

Post # 15
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think you need to think about what’s best for YOU. For me, this wouldn’t fly. Now, I could wait 6 months (probably not much more than a year) but I would absolutely not be able to not hear those words until a proposal. For me, I need to know that both of us are actively in love and comfortable sharing that with one another before I could even fathom a future with someone. But I’m a highly affectionate person and words are big for me. My SO and I say “I love you” as the first thing when we wake up, last thing before we fall asleep, at the end of phone calls, in text messages, etc. Hearing those words throughout the day is a big part of our bond.

However, I know that’s not for everyone. I know couples who never need to say or hear the words and that they can share love in other ways. 

Post # 16
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Does he show you that he loves you? Can you tell in other ways? I knew I loved my FI after about 2 months but I didn’t tell him until we were about 5 months into the relationship. It took him even longer and it didn’t bother me. I knew deep down that he loved me by how he looked at me and how he treated me. He started saying it at about  8 months but it would be when he was walking out the door so it was like “did he really say that or not?” We have been together 4 1/2 years and I tell him everyday twice a day (when he leaves in the morning and before we go to sleep) and he still doesn’t say it back very often.

If he has had some bad experiences with women in the past it may take a little longer. I wasn’t worried too much it took my FI so long. He has known a long line of cheating women in his past (his ex, his brother’s ex, his mom, etc) so he was basically waiting for me to cheat on him. When he finally figured i wanted only him I think he let his guard down. Don’t give up on him.

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