S/O: Would you ever marry a man who had children from a previous relationship?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Would you marry a man who has kids from a previous relationship?
    Yes - I have no issues with this even if he has sole/partial custody : (54 votes)
    46 %
    Yes - But only if he did not have custody/never saw them much : (6 votes)
    5 %
    Yes - But I will not be their stepmother and I should be his #1 priority : (1 votes)
    1 %
    No - I simply can't deal with that set-up : (57 votes)
    48 %
  • Post # 3
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I have a daughter from my previous marriage and my future husband loves her as much as he loves his own children. We are a family and he is a parent to her the same way he is to the other two kids that are biologicaly his. 

    He even went as far as allowing my ex husband to stay with us for 3 months while he searched for a job and an appartment when he moved from another state to be closer to his daughter ( I moved to be with my future husband thus taking my daughter away from her father).

    I’d like to think that if it was the other way around I would be the same way my FH is. 

    Post # 4
    5207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I think that once you become a parent your kids should be your #1 priority. Therefore a man and his children should come as a package deal. I’d be put off by a man who put dating ahead of his children.

    Post # 5
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Never, I wouldnt even date men with kids. I also do not and never have expected my fiance to parent my kids. One of the resons we waited 9.5 years to get married is because I did not want step parents for my children. They are grown now, youngest is almost 18, they do not need another father, they have one. I’ve seen too many marriages destroyed by stepkids.

    Post # 6
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I voted yes because I love my DH so much that I would have wanted to marry him no matter what. 

    I completely agree with you that the kids should always come first, and if you enter into a marriage where there are children from a previous relationship, you must always consider their needs before your own.

    Having said that, I was really grateful that DH had none of that baggage. It’s not that I wouldn’t have wanted to be a step-mom. It’s just that I really love having DH all to myself. And I REALLY love that we don’t need to be involved with one of his “ex’s” for the sake of kids. 

    Post # 7
    6928 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    It was a non-issue for me, so this is purely me sharing my opinion on a situation I have no clue about (other than being a step-daughter.)


    I would not want to be a step-parent at this stage in my life; this also goes hand in hand with the fact that I’m not a parent right now, period. If I had not found my significant other until I was a bit older, and I chose to date someone who had kids, it’s not a deal breaker. I would prefer an involved parent as a good quality in my SO, not a “Disney Dad” like I call my own (he only had us two weekends per month and was “fun” but never actually parented.)

    I applaud people that do it successfully, and pity those that don’t, for whatever reason. I was a step-daughter (on both sides) and it was a point of contention in both marriages at times.


    Post # 8
    3077 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I don’t know if I would. I love my SO now but if she had kids before we met, I don’t know if I would’ve even gone on a first date if I knew about the kids. I’ve never liked a man or woman with kids (I’m bi) and I don’t think I would be interested from the beginning unless it was a baby & the other parent wasn’t in the picture at all. Even then you risk the parent coming back into the picture…but I love and adore infants so I think even if my mind told me I don’t want to be a stepmom, I may not have been able to help but fall in love with a baby lol

    I’m in my early 20s and I just am NOT ready to be a mom of any sort. I don’t even want kids honestly so no I don’t think I would but I couldn’t say for sure.

    Post # 9
    7664 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    Partly, this depends on your age. If your are 40+ and getting married for the first time, you have to expect that kids will probably be part of the deal. On the other hand, if I was 18 and just starting the dating process which I hoped would eventually find me a husband, I wouldn’t be terribly impressed if a potential partner had children.

    It also depends if you enjoy dating older/younger men or not.

    In general, though… from a quite early age onwards (maybe 21+), this wouldn’t have bothered me. I always wanted to build a family in whatever form- conventional or non-conventional, a the case may be- so it would have been a non-issue for me.

    Post # 10
    2818 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I only wanted to marry a man who already had children. I didn’t necessarily seek this out, but I got my wish. 

    Post # 11
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I could never date a man with kids unless i was coming out of a marriage myself with children, & we were mixing families, but even then it would hard.

    I had a very difficult childhood due to my dad marrying the step-devil. She also had a son, & my dad had 3 daughters. I am very easily to get along with in most situations, & very accepting & really wanted a mother since my own was/is a drug addict & absent, but in every way possible she made me feel unwanted & unloved. So glad my dad divorced that evil bitch.

    I don’t think I could handle mixing families, as I wouldn’t trust someone with my own children, & I wouldn’t want to create haredship for his children.


    Post # 12
    1996 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I always said I wouldn’t. Felt I’d bring me unnecessary drama until I met my fi. DSS was about to turn 4 at the time. I just fell in love with them both. I think it helped that he was young & really accepting.  Fi & dss mom were never a couple so I think that helped too. We have a daughter who is almost 5 & they love each other so much. It definitely works for us. I treat him like he’s my own son.

    Post # 13
    896 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    Nope. Nope. Nope.  Unless they are already grown and independent, just nope.  

    I firmly believe that 1) I should not marry a man who has children and with whom I plan to have children; and 2) remarry and allow another man to move in while my children from a previous marriage are still living with me.  


    I sure hope I spend a lifetime with my husband because once we have children, I will not re-marry or cohabitate with another man until my children are grown and out of my house.  Call me crazy.  Just my belief. 

    Post # 14
    89 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    I would absolutely date a man with children!! i have two kids myself and i am so blessed to have found a man willing to love my children the way that he does! I would not date a man that had children if he didn’t take care of his kids! i wouldn’t want priority over his kids as he wouldn’t take priority over mine! that being said me and Fi are both pretty young 22 and 21 and we’ve been together for 2 1/2 years. my youngest is 3 so you can imagine he’s been in my sons life the majority of the time and he has been a wonderful father figure since their father is really present… he’s a sometimes dad… so if a man i were to date were that man no i couldn’t see myself with him…

    Post # 15
    980 posts
    Busy bee

    Yes, but ONLY if he was close to his kids and respected them. How someone treats their kids says a lot about them as a person. If he was someone who couldn’t care less about his kids then no.

    Post # 16
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I always felt I was meant to be a mother in some non-traditional way, whether it be through step-mothering, adoption, etc. But, DBF and I do not have children yet and plan to try for biological ones, so I could be totally worng, lol

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