- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
I’ve never posted in the emotional category but I figured I’d give it a go and get some advice. This is a long and drama filled story so it might be best to save for a boring hour at work lol.
My FI and I have been dating for almost 9 years, since the middle of high school. I have a group of three good friends who went to high school with me and while we went to different colleges, we maintained our relationships fairly well. One of my friends, we’ll call her Nancy, has a serious penchant for drama and always has. She is a type 1 diabetic and has come to expect a LOT of attention because of it, she really thrives on attention and drama.
Nancy introduced us to a casual friend of hers Clark in January 2008. Shortly thereafter, one of the group, we’ll call her Mary, started dating Clark. Nancy was not dating Clark, has never dated Clark, has never implied that she wanted to date Clark, and Clark had never shown any interest in dating Nancy. Mary and Clark really hit it off and have been dating ever since, but Nancy holds a huge grudge against them and won’t speak to either. She feels that Mary stole Clark from her because she had a “crush” on him that she never vocalized, and because Clark is also a type 1 diabetic and that makes him hers.
Mary and Clark have since had a child together, are engaged, and in the process of planning their wedding. I have always supported Mary and Clark and felt that Nancy was being ridiculous. I had hoped that after their child was born that Nancy would drop her grudge as they were clearly not going to split up but no such luck. Because of my support for Mary, Nancy has been very distant with me and has only maintained some sort of a friendship with my third friend, Eva. Eva is still friends with all of us but doesn’t like being in the middle.
When my FI proposed. I asked Mary and Eva to be bridesmaids along with two other girls, one a relative. I did not even think to ask Nancy since she had been so distant with me over the past two-three years and I didn’t want to make either Mary or Nancy uncomfortable. FI asked Clark to be one of his groomsmen, his decision because we’ve spent so much time with Mary and Clark.
Well, after hearing of our engagement Nancy started talking to me a bit more, perhaps thinking she would be made a bridesmaid. I told her that I was sorry, but I was having a small wedding party and couldn’t ask any other people but would love for her to participate in other ways. She seemed okay with this until she heard that FI had asked Clark to be a groomsmen.
Nancy took this as a personal offense, felt that FI had asked Clark to hurt her, and hasn’t spoken to either of us since. FI tried to send a nice letter to her explaining that it wasn’t meant to upset her but she turned it around and told people he was attacking her. He now wants absolutely nothing to do with her and has asked me not to invite her to the wedding. In the meantime, Nancy has told Eva that if she came to our wedding she would set off fireworks during the ceremony or “burn down our wedding”. Her words.
Normally I would write this off as Nancy drama, but she is also dating an illegal immigrant from Mexico who is known to be violent. He intentionally got his crazy ex girlfriend pregnant at 19 but they broke up so he now has a child who Nancy resents for tying him to his ex. Nancy is very overweight and hasn’t really seriously dated anyone so when this man began paying her attention she jumped on it. It’s a bad situation all around and as much as I’d like to brush it off I’m genuinely worried about one or both of them causing problems if invited. She already knows the location and address of the wedding since she was initially proofreading my wedding website.
I’m about 24 years old and feel like I’m in high school again. I do not like holding grudges or drama and would like to reconcile with Nancy and move past this. Thus far, she has not shown the maturity to be able to do so. Our save the dates have already gone out and I’m in the process of printing invitations and it feels wrong and petty to not invite her. I was also very close with her family and feel terrible not inviting them as well.
Now that you know the whole sordid tale, what would you do? Would you invite her, and subsequently her crazy illegal boyfriend, or leave them off the list? It doesn’t sit right with me to not invite her, I’ve even had dreams about us reconciling and her agreeing to let the whole thing go. No such luck in real life. Should I get over the discomfort and not invite her? Or invite her and have the fire department on stand by?