- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Hey bees just wanted to get a little support because I know you guys are good for it 🙂 I suffer from severe social anxiety, have my entire life, and have just recently started going to therapy for it. I have to say it has been doing wonders and making a big difference already, which is very positive. However, I am in a not-so-perfect living situation right now and it really is taking its toll on me. My FI and I are living with family members because we do not have the means to live on our own right now and won’t for a couple of months. I don’t want to get too detailed because I don’t want anyone I know reading this, so I will leave it at that.
The thing is that my FI and one of the other family members don’t get along so well, but we are living under their roof so we have just not been saying anything and doing whatever they say. Tonight they did something rude to my FI, and my FI got mad about it. Sounds normal enough, but for someone like me with social anxiety I seriously am panicking. Let me tell you what I am thinking…
I feel like the family member probably heard my FI say he was mad, and in turn that made them mad. Then they are going to tell other family members about what happened and everyone is going to gang up on us. They are going to tell us that there is something wrong with us and that we are wrong and need to fix ourselves. It is going to be completely awkward around everyone, and no one is going to want to talk to each other. Eventually we are going to get kicked out of the house. 🙁 That’s just how my mind works.
The thing is we are so thankful that they are letting us live here and they have always helped us out throughout the years and we are so grateful. However, I also am starting to lose my mind a little bit because we are adults yet we are having to follow everyone else’s rules, do chores every week, live on their schedules, etc. I feel so completely judged for every little thing we do that I feel like I can’t even breathe around here. 🙁 They make us feel like terrible people sometimes for little things that we do that they don’t approve of. I want to tell a bunch of stories but again I’m afraid of getting too detailed…
I’m so happy that I am going to therapy but I am so burned out emotionally and physically. I haven’t been getting enough sleep, I’ve been getting migraines, all the while putting a smile on my face and pretending everything’s ok with other people. I’m just checked out right now… I can’t take it. I need someone to tell me that my FI and I are not bad people, that we are doing the right thing, and that everything will be ok. My therapist has even been telling me that my living situation is not healthy, but there is literally nothing I can do about it. All of my FI’s family lives far away or out of state, and the rest of my family has no space to live with them. My grandmother offered for us to live with her at point, but she has been in the hospital the past few weeks (add that to my list of stressors) and I would not want to burden her once she got back home.
There is so much going through my head right now that I want to say, but I just don’t have the energy or time to tell all of you. Can you bees give me some support? Even having someone read this would make me feel heard. I know this might not look bad to others, but keep in mind that I have sever social anxiety, and that I am keeping it very short and not detailed whatsoever. I suppose if you wanted to know more I could message the interested people. Just please help me out 🙁