Post # 1
I just got home from a baby shower, and the only person I knew at the entire event was the guest of honor, the expecting mom-to-be. I’m a nurse practitioner at a practice that she frequently calls on as a drug rep, and we’ve become friends over the past 3 years. Of course, I don’t know her family or social circle outside of work. I felt so awkward at the shower, but thankfully there were two very nice girls who took pity on me and made an effort to include me and introduce me to people, and I’m so grateful. But I also couldn’t stop that horrible little inner voice, whispering into my brain that all the other girls were judging my outfit and my dumb hairstyle, and didn’t think I look interesting enough to talk to. And then I actually came home and cried! I don’t know if I’m hormonal or WHAT, but right now I feel like I’m in the 8th grade again, questioning my self-esteem and everything! I’m 30, for crying out loud! Please reassure me that I’m not the only one who occasionally feels this way in similar situations. Do I need therapy??!
Post # 2
If I was invited to a social event where the only person I knew was the guest of honour then I would consider long and hard about whether I would go…factors including how close I was to them and what was going on.
I know a lot of people would say that its important to make an effort with others and I would agree…but if you are the one on your own I feel it is more imporant for those in the group to be welcoming and then for you to reciprocate. Or if you are bold and make a move to get to know them then they should make you feel welcome and included.
As someone who has been and still is on outside of these situations I do make a conscious effort to talk to those on the fringes because I know how it feels….it’s a very lonely place to be and you wonder what’s wrong with you.
I think if you are always someone who is included in the centre of things it may be difficult to appreciate those on the outside, especially if you aren’t empathetic in that way.
Post # 3
The fact that you even went to the shower knowing that you wouldn’t know anyone is awesome – you put yourself out there because your friend is special to you.
Therapy might help. I think most people would feel awkward in this situation, but the inner voice saying that people are judging you is definitely something you can work on.
The tone of your post is quite self-deprecating e.g. “two very nice girls who took pity on me” – what if they genuinely thought you looked like a lovely person and wanted to chat with you? And talking about your “dumb hairstyle” is just .. I don’t know, it makes me feel sad. It’s not a dumb hairstyle, it’s your hairstyle, and it’s lovely because you chose it.
You are as beautiful and worthy as anyone else in the world, and what other people think of you is none of your business 🙂
Post # 4
NurseKaoru: Hey, you went so that’s huge! Do you feel anxiety in situations where you do know everyone? If not, it sounds like this is a pretty normal feeling. I’m very introverted (but not shy), I feel fine if I know people and it’s a fairly small group- but I would also feel anxiety in the situation that you described. I try to remind myself that most likely no one is looking at you. People are usually mostly thinking about themselves, so when you feel like people are staring or judging- remind yourself that it’s mostly in your own head.
Post # 5
I am sorry you felt awkward. It takes a lot of guts to go to an intimate gathering not knowing anyone. Good for you!
I consider myself very good in social situations. And, while I have felt awkward at times, I’ve realized it is only as awkward as you make it.
If you are ever in a similar situation, I have found it easiest to talk to people in the very beginning. Break the ice by complimenting their dress, scarf, purse, hair etc. Then be honest and say you don’t know anyone, and ask if you could sit by them.
Side note: you don’t need therapy. You need a hug! ::hugs::
Post # 6
Thank you all so much for the reassurances and internet hugs! I normally know at least a FEW people at events like these, so today threw me a little and made me feel like the “new girl” at school! You’re right, I’m sure no one was really judging me or even paying attention, so I should work on those negative inner voices.
Happy Sunday night to you all! Xoxo