- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
I’m a regular poster but I went anon because I know that this is going to upset people, but I really am at a loss.
My fiance comes from a HUGE Catholic family. I mean enormous. And of course this huge Catholic family is extremely devout and conservative. We are the first couple ever in his family to live together before marriage, and that shocked and upset everyone.
Well, we have our venue and we are making our final guest list. I firmly believe that you cannot seperate a social unit, so everyone who is engaged, married, or living together is bringing their significant other. However, many of his family members are in long-term, probably headed for marriage relationships. They do not live with their SOs for religious reasons, but many have been together longer than some of the cohabiting couples who have been invited have.
So can I not invite their significant others? Our venue has a capacity of 150 people, and his family already takes up about 80 of that. Then between my family, our close mutual friends, and his office (small, tight-knit company, they have to be invited) we only have a few spots left and we both have friends that we want to invite and have there for our wedding day. But, if we invite plus ones for his family we will have to cut out some of the people we want there. If we don’t give plus ones, his family will be offended.
My thoughts, which future hubby agrees with: In choosing to not live together they are not only choosing to “save it for marriage” they are also choosing to not be a social unit. They have not entangled their finances, they have not combined lives, and they are not presenting themselves to society as, well, a social unit. You can’t have seperate lives because of your religion and then expect people to treat you as though you don’t. Grrrrrr….I’m sorry, I’m just frustrated.
So any thoughts? Should I suck it up and cut out friends for plus ones, or should I put my foot down and just keep repeating “Married, engaged, living together” ad naseum?
EDIT: I’m also concerned about the “flood gates”, so to speak. If I give his family plus ones I open the door to criticism from other people who are in more casual relationships about not giving them a date, or of trying to pass judgement on what relationships are “serious” enough or “worthy” enough for recognition.