Post # 1
A bit long winded but I want to explain the whole story.
Me and the husband have very different social circles. I am a student and thus hang out with young, broke students. He is in the Navy and is older, so his friends and mostly married with kids and mortgages. I am a people person and enjoy meeting people, chatting, and can generally make conversation with whomever. He is not. Recently I went out for a Christmas dinner with friends and their boyfriends. He was invited but did not come “I’ve got nothing in common with them”. Whatever, I went and had a good night. Right, now onto the point…
He’s quite good friends with his boss (nickname Blue) at work who I have met a few times and he came to our wedding. Blue is married with children. It turns out Blue has been having an ongoing affair and has now left his wife. I have never met his wife or children but Husband knows exactly what I think of the situation, and unfortunately affairs are all too common in the Navy (lucky me!)
It turns out that we are going out for drinks on Friday with Blue and his new slut girlfriend!! After he refused to come out for dinner with my friends, how the hell can he expect me to go out and be all sociable and nice with these two! What the hell would I say? I cannot believe he has put me in this situation!
So, do I refuse to go, do I go but make it clear I am not happy, or do I suck it up and go and make polite conversation?
Post # 3
I really dont think it is healthy for relationships to be a nic for nak sorta thing.
I think you should put aside the fact that he didn’t go out with your friends and think about it purely for the situation it is.
I personally would go because I always go to events that my Darling Husband invites me to. But some couples dont work that way.
In regards to being nice, I guess I would personally be the bigger person and just be polite. Being nice doesnt mean you approve of his life choices… but that being said I highly doubt he cares if you approve or not.
Post # 4
This is your husband’s boss, and you being “not happy” could impact his career. Go, suck it up, and be nice and socialable. You don’t have to hang out with him all the time, and you can keep your feelings about him all you want, but I think it’s important to be nice.
Post # 5
Honestly this mans personal matters are none of your business. You don’t know the whole story nor the dynamic of his previous relationship. Calling the new woman a slut is low and immature in my eyes. If you can’t be cordial, them no do not go. By no means do I agree with cheating or codone it but I also try not to judge situations/relationships I know nothing about.
Post # 6
@Showers: Tell him you really don’t have anything in common with a cheater and a mistress. So you would have nothing to talk about. 😉
Because it’s his boss I would go and make nice. But, I think he needs to make more of an effort to do things you want him to do. It’s not fair that he gets to bail on things you want to do, but you have to go to the things he wants to do.
Post # 7
@tranquility: If it was a work even then I would definitely go, but it is a double-date type thing with just the 4 of us going for drinks.
I’m just stressing out about what the hell I am going to speak to them about!
So how did you meet? Oh while he was on a night out without his wife…
So where are you spending Christmas, with or without your kids?
I just hate how “acceptable” it is to cheat on your wife in his social / work circles.
Post # 8
I voted Don’t go. I think that if you go you’re going to have a hard time playing nice all night and keeping your feelings in check.
Post # 9
I think the worst part about your situation is that your Darling Husband refused to go to dinner with your friends. I think you should have a talk with him about being more supportive and the importance of spending time with people who are close to you. Especially if you are willing to do it for him!
As far as hanging out with the cheaters, I’ve done this before. Honestly it isn’t that bad. They are people at the end of the day, even though they’ve done something horrible like breaking up a marriage. I wouldn’t automatically label the girl as a slut, it’s not her fault. Don’t go into it with a judgemental attitude, approach it as meeting two people for the first time. I’m sure it wasn’t ‘easy’ for them to overcome the situation of him being married and if there are kids the situation will continue to be complicated for them. So let that be their punishment. Plus, if your Darling Husband has determined they are worth his time, then you should respect that and keep an open mind.
Post # 10
I say either don’t go or go and be nice. You can’t go and not be happy. That is childish. But if you really don’t want to go, tell your husband you don’t feel well and stay home.
Post # 11
You should go and you should be cordial. Its your husbands boss, not his best friend. You dont have to like him, but you have to pretend to when youre around him!
Post # 12
Oh girl I am the worst person to give you advice. When I was put in this situation I waited til there was a lull in the conversation and then said “So Gregg how is Tiffany doing? How are Olivia and Aaron taking the break up? Is Tiffany still living with your mom?” Umm as you can imagine that brought dinner to a screeching halt.
Post # 13
I would go, and then say, “see how I went out with your friends even though I strongly disapprove of their cheating? you need to make more of an effort with my friends.” relationships are all about compromise. dh and I had a similar tiff lately about hanging out with each other’s friends, though not involving any cheating/real issues with friends, just personalities not clicking. He doesn’t always like socializing with my grad school friends bc we end up talking about school a lot and he feels left out, but I’ve hung out with his old, high school friends many many times (including weekend trips that were like torture to me) when I really have nothing in common with them, so it’s a balance.
Post # 14
@Showers: The thing here isnt it about being acceptable. Trust me I don’t support cheaters at all but at the same time it is not my place to go around judging people for their actions.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t go, but I am a feminazi and so is my SO, so I wouldn’t be in your situation because SO would hang out with a cheater, boss or not.
If I WERE in your situation I guess I would get “food poisoning” at the last second, because I am the type of person that says what on my mind so my attending a function with people I don’t like for whatever reason would be bad.
I don’t mean to sound like I’m judging you or anything because I am not but I do think that you shouldn’t compromise what you feel is right just to make face with some dick who ditches his wife and kids for a newer model.
Post # 16
I would go if it were me, this is his boss so its not really comparable to you going out with your friends. I also dont know why you are calling the bosses girlfriend a slut, if you dont know ALL the details its best not to judge