Post # 1
[Sorry this is long. I needed to write it down.]
So I’m not one for emotional outbursts, and perhaps the fact that it’s ten days before my wedding is prompting this. But I’m really upset.
I should preface by saying that both our families live on the other side of the country (or, in my case, in Canada and Europe). We’re doing a small (<50 guests) wedding.
My mom has been uninvolved in the wedding planning – partially because she doesn’t ask, partially because she never accepted my invitation to come out for a weekend and help, and partially because I stopped telling her stuff when every time I had an idea or plan she responded with “I don’t think that’s a good idea” or “Do you REALLY want to do that?” (Saturday breakfast for OOTers instead of Sunday, short outdoor ceremony, no veil/train, etc.). She went a little momzilla on me at the beginning, but I pointed it out to her, and she (mostly) stopped telling me what to do. (We’re paying for the wedding ourselves). But both she and Future Mother-In-Law were going to come out next Wednesday to help with all the last minute stuff. (There’s a lot I planned to do in the last two days!). FMIL’s making the bouquets, mom was going to help with all the other stuff (signs, centerpieces, etc, and just generally hanging out with me).
Last night my mom called to say that she and my father had they’re swearing in (to be US citizens – they’re Canadian, and are planning on moving back to Canada later this year anyways) on the Friday before the wedding, so weren’t going to be there until late Friday night (my dad had originally planned on coming in on Friday afternoon).
Guess we’re not doing a rehearsal or rehearsal dinner, then. My mom first suggested that she could do all the Wed/Thurs/Fri tasks on Saturday and when I pointed out that was not going to happen, she offered me money to hire someone to do ‘all the tasks I wanted her to do’. But it has nothing to do with the wedding preparations (thank goodness my Future Mother-In-Law will be there to help), and everything to do with hoping to spend some time with my mom so she would be an active participant and not a spectator.
Am I being unreasonable to be this upset?
Post # 3
No, you are NOT unreasonable to be this upset! While almost all of the wedding party is in some sense absent, everyone is doing their utmost to come. For people to schedule (negotiable) things for the day before your wedding when they’ve already agreed to come… That’s incredibly rude to everyone but the couple, and vaguely cruel to you (intentional or not.)
At the end of the weekend, though, you’ll have spent it with loved ones and you’ll be married to your love.
Fiance and I are former Army and he’s a defense contractor (the point comes at the end of this paragraph). This week alone: MOH’s heart problems resurfacing, Best Man’s leave not approved, found out why Bridesmaid or Best Man2 hasn’t gotten a dress yet (good thing if I’m correct, and I understand why she hasn’t told me), photographer almost couldn’t come (couldn’t find money for a return flight for her and her daughter, and the flight only had three seats left when my mom intervened – my mom wisely didn’t tell me until after it was sorted), brother’s/SIL’s (GM/BM3) schedule conflict with him picking up his tux and her coming for ANYTHING but getting her hair done, my dad’s going further off the deep end (forgot to get a new car battery and that he was supposed to choose one of his CD players to use for the ceremony, surprised my mom with an $1100 dental bill for stuff he could have put off, and, inexplicably, tried to get the officiant to arrive late for our rehearsal because “it’d be funny” – the officiant, fortunately, knows my dad well enough to ignore him on most issues), and FI’s mom is maintaining radio silence, though she now has the money to pay Fiance back the $1900 he loaned her for plane tickets (her boss paid for the tickets with frequent flier miles, and FI’s car broke down this week. Between the time off for that and the money, there’s no way we can do a honeymoon.) The way I’m still in good spirits is repeating this: “Osama is dead, we’ll be married in (10) days, and we get to spend a week with loved ones.” I’m finally meeting my nephew. I get to hug my grandpa and kiss my grandma. I get to wander around my parents’ woods/actually spend time outside. Anything that goes wrong at this point can’t be helped, so their’s no point worrying about it.