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I really like this, thanks for posting :) All the women in my family (and I have huge families on both sides so that's a LOT of women) always talk about being fat, ruining diets, not eating dessert, and how skinny one of my female cousins is (she seriously has a supermodel figure). I never consciously thought about it but it definitely has affected my own body image, which is terrible. This is great advice for everyone, not just mothers :)
I also think that this is VERY important! My family sounds about the same as yours and it’s definitely affected me pretty strongly. I still struggle with it a lot and I find myself focusing on those wrong things a lot of the time. I have been consciously thinking about taking a different approach lately though and it helps me and I know it's healthier for the people that I'm around!
I think that it's even relevant/important advice in relation to WB. When a bride posts a picture in her dress I try not to respond with anything like "oh you're teeny tiny", etc. I try to focus more on things like how happy they look, how well the dress fits them, how it really compliments their skintone, how the tone in their arms is amazing, etc.
i have always had issues with my weight but my only niece, is 18yrs 5'10 and a size 2 and is beautiful and her father calls her fatso as his nickname for her (she obviously isnt fat) and it drives. me. crazy!
he says she knows he is joking and yes she does but it only takes a bad day/event/relationship and you can become obsessive about the wrong thing
@galloway111: Thanks galloway. I think so too. It is a big problem in my family. I thought it was good to share, because some people may not even realize the effect this kind of talk can have on us.
@Running Elley: Yes, it is relevant to WB. It is so deeply engrained in our culture. It is hard when people, especially families, seem to value appearance so much. It is easy to forget what really matters. My Dad is always talking about my mother's weight in a negative way and it bothers me SO much! I hung out with this girl who was going on about "people that keep buying a larger size," and I stopped hanging out with her. It is like, really, lady, why do you care about someone else's size?
@eloping: That would drive me crazy! That is not a good nickname no matter how you look at it.
@piglet_625: Thanks piglet!
I think this is a great reminder! Especially with the holidays coming and everyone eating like gluttons and complaining about being fat, yada yada.
I LOVE my brother & SIL to death, I do. But it bothers me so much that they always tease my niece about eating too much. And saying she is going to be fat. I understand they don't want her to be obese. But for godness sakes! A) We're Chinese, we're naturally skinny and eat a shit load and never seem to gain weight for some reason. B) She is FAR from fat!!! C) She has a healthy appetite and is growing!!!
Every time I see them say that I always tell my brother to stop saying that. Then I immediately turn to my niece and tell her don't listen to your dad. He's an idiot, you're beautiful. (I'm a firm believer of not telling people even family how to raise their kids. So normally I will not go against parents like that. But in this scenario I always do) Every now and then when I talk to her on the phone I remind myself to always say something positive to her. Like you're so kind hearted and sweet. Good job on getting a 80/100 on your test! You're beautiful!
I totally get this is how my culture is when raising kids. We always set the bar high and don't compliment. That's how I was raised too. But ugh! It bothers me!
P.S. I know how horrible I'm making my brother and SIL sound. But really minus that part, which again, was how we were all raised so that's how a lot of Chinese family raise their kids. They really are great parents and I know they love my niece like crazy and she loves her parents a TON.
hahaha - thanks! I know I can't change my brother and SIL so my husband and I try to combat it by always complimenting her. And she is def a super special kid. She has SUCH a mothering instinct. She's the oldest out of all the cousins and she is always taking care of them. When my mom isn't feeling well she'll ask "grandma, you're not feeling good? Don't get sick because then no one will pick me up from school. Do you want a massage?" hahha
When she found out I was pregnant the first thing she asked me was "goo jie (paternal aunt in chinese) are you feeling well?". She's SEVEN! How does she even know to ask if I'm feeling well???
We love all our nieces and nephews like crazy. But she def has a special bond with my husband, he thinks she's one unique special kid. I'm trying to schedule my baby shower around her break so that we can fly her and my mom up for it. I think she'll get a kick out of being a part of an "adult" girls event.
OK...sorry to sidetrack!
This is amazing advice! I really hope this type of thinking catches on. I really do feel like my whole life has been about weight, and its association with being attractive.
My favorite are the people who are like, "Oh my god I'm so fat! Etc etc," right in front of - or even while talking TO - people who are bigger than them. I always pull out some serious side-eye for that one. Like, you know what you're doing. I know you know what you're doing. Come on now.
Good advice. Thank you for reminding me. :)
@Beluga: I know exactly what you mean! That is really rude. A girl in my class that sits next to me does that and talks about how she doesn't want to be "one of THOSE people" (that gained weight) and it is so annoying! And rude! There are people of all sizes in our class...It is like, what do you seriously care about some else's body? Urgh!
I think I am sensitive to that kind of talk too because the best people I know come in all sizes.
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I just heard some good advice on the news. I always follow this, but hearing it made me want to share. I usually don't write posts like this, but I think this one is important.
They had a small segment where they talked about the importance of not doing "fat talk" around your daughters. This is relevant as we approach the holidays and, as the segment put it, might be around family we haven't seen in awhile and tempting foods.
"Fat talk" refers to any talk you do about how your or someone else's body looks. Instead of saying, "Oh, this pie is going to ruin my diet," and then eating the pie, you could eat the pie and then say, "that was good now I think we should go for a walk."
Or, "Look at how skinny your cousin is!" Instead, you could say, "Your cousin has been playing basketball all year, ask her about winning the playoffs." The point is to focus on what people do not how their body looks. Ultimately, the focus should be on health and what people accomplish.
This issue is personal for me. I come from a family that constantly talks about one another's bodies, and I know it affects a lot of people. As a young woman, it is easy to equate self worth and love with how thin you are. For a variety of reasons, that is what happened to me. Still working on it.