Post # 1
I guess I need advice and need to vent. My fiancé and I are having small wedding of no more than 50 people. I am Hispanic and most of my family still lives in Latin America, but I do have one aunt (Aunt 1) who lives in the US. My mother and my aunt (my mother’s sister) have a very toxic relationship and my mother has decided that she won’t have anything to do with my aunt for her (my mom’s) own well being. I am not very close to my aunt and I don’t want to invite her to my wedding.
One because of how she had treated my mother and two because I just don’t want to deal with her drama. For example, for my college graduation my mom invited my aunt which ended up being a disaster. My aunt showed up late to my graduation and my mom did not get to see me walk. I am an only child and my mom raised me as single mother and she was crushed when she did not get to see me walk.
Here is the problem. One of my aunts (Aunt 2) who lives in Latin America keeps insisting that we need to invite Aunt 1. My mom has told Aunt 2 that I am the one making the decisions on who get invited. Well Aunt 2 won’t let the subject go. Not everyone in my fiancés immediate family is getting invited and my told this to Aunt 2, but that does not matter to her. Aunt 2 even went as far to ask my mom if we were embarrassed my Aunt 1 because she is poor. Aunt 1 is not poor; she makes twice what my mother makes!
I just want the family peer pressure to stop. Why can’t she drop it? I won’t be bossed around, but I just don’t know what to say to her to get her to stop without hurting her feelings. I don’t know if its cultural thing (I moved to the US when I was 10 and pretty know little of Latin culture).
Post # 3
Sounds like you need to let those Sisters work out their own problems and drama! You make the call! And ask your Aunts to drop it! Sorry they are dragging you through this, dont get sucked into it! Best of Luck!
Post # 4
I am also being semi-bullied into inviting certain family members that I wouldn’t if everybody else didn’t apparently care so much about appearances. Some people don’t seem to understand that sometimes, how things look is not as important as how things feel. I don’t really have any advice, because I caved and agreed to invite the offending parties, but I did want to give you a hug and tell you I FEEL YOUR PAIN!
Post # 5
My opinion? It’s your day, you invite who you want. If I knew my mom didn’t get along with one of her siblings that I wasn’t close to, I wouldn’t invite them no matter what anyone else says, because my mom is important to me and I want her to be happy and comfortable on my wedding day.
My fiance has a large family and we’re not inviting a couple of his uncles & aunts, simply because we’re not close with them and we need to save money. Good luck!
Post # 6
Can’t your Mom deal with Aunt 2 and tell her how she feels? I’d never get in the middle of it, but you may have no choice if they make it your problem. This is an important day for your Mom too, and I’d want her to be happy and not worry about anything except making sure you have a great wedding day. I just wouldn’t invite Aunt 1, period.
Post # 7
[email protected] I try to stay out of it, but it seems that every time my mom talks to Aunt 2 all Aunt 2 want to talk about is why Aunt 1 is not invited and why we need to invite her.
[email protected] I am sorry that this is happed to you too. Thanks for the hug. If you don’t mind me asking did you regret caving? Besides my person reasons of not wanting Aunt 1 at the wedding, I don’t want to give in because I feel that it will set a precedent and my family will think that if they ask enough they will get what they want. All my are Aunts are strong women willed but sometimes I think that manifest its self in being bossy and thinking that they know whats best for everyone.
Totally agree with you that more about perception for Aunt 2. Families are not perfect and seems that Aunt 2 is totally ignoring our feeling just to met some expectation of what perfect and close family is.
[email protected] Thanks, I think of our wedding as our day too and it should up to use who we invite. By the way, I love your screen name!.
[email protected] My mom has tried dealing with it but Aunt 2 won’t drop. My mom told me today that when she told Aunt 2 that Aunt 1’s adult children have family events that they don’t invite either one of us and she does not see why we have to invite Aunt 1, Aunt 2 hung-up the phone.
Thanks everyone for the feedback and advice. I think the hardest thing for me is working up the courage to have a talk with Aunt 2. I am not aggressive person and I hate confrontation, so just thinking about having that conversation is making anxious. I know how feel but I need to translate my feelings into Spanish which will take some time.
Post # 8
Best of luck with dealing with Aunt 1 (and Aunt 2 who doesn’t give up). You sound like you’ve thought this through and have good reasons. You said they’re both strong willed to the point of bossy, but if you can show them that you can stand up for yourself and your mother while being respectful but firm, that’s a great precedent you’d want to set. I agree with @deliciousappleblue:, it’s about how things feel, not how they look. So do what will make you and your loved ones most comfortable on your wedding day and enjoy yourself. I’ve made decisions like this too, not inviting some family to our wedding, and as long as you’ve thought about your choice and are firm, they’ll get the point.