Post # 1
I was at work today, and a colleague asked what my husband does for a living. I proudly answered that he is finishing up training to be a United States Sailor and that following this he will be training elsewhere for a year or so. He just kind of stared at me for a second, then said, “Ohhhh…. that’s really terrible!! I’m so sorry….”
WTF??? Why are you SORRY? Why is it terrible that my husband is going to have a kickass job, doing something that only a miniscule percentage of the population even qualify for? I personally think it’s pretty sweet that I’m married to a man who is capable of a job like that.
Secondly… that’s really hurtful that your first response to knowing he is in the military is that it’s “terrible.” Really?? Not a ‘thank you’ or ‘wow, that’s really awesome!” at all? I get that it’s the first reaction to knowing someone’s going through a separation like that, but really?
Yes, it sucks, and yes it’s hard, but we choose to do it because we understand that having freedom is MORE important that being together since it’s the freedom we have that allow us to have the life he comes home to…. and I wish more people understood that.
Post # 3
That is a terrible response! Please tell your husband I appreciate his service.
Post # 4
Ditto. You and your husband are more selfless than I, and I appreciate it.
Post # 5
Firstly: I am also a Navy bride, so I won’t argue your points at all.
BUT…is it possible he meant that it was terrible you’d be apart for another year? That was the way I read it at first, but I don’t know if you copied the conversation verbatim.
I would be surprised if he honestly meant that it was terrible that he was in the Navy – I haven’t really had any experiences with normal people being anything but appreciative of my fiance’s job. Example: we just had our e-pics taken last week in a very public place, and Fiance was wearing his uniform part of the time. We had a huge audience the whole shoot and got tons of positive comments, pretty much because of his military status.
But then again, we live a HUGE military town (San Diego), so maybe it’s different here.
Post # 6
My ex bf was in the US army and alot of people disliked it where I live, I have never understood why. I was always proud of what he was doing. He has served the US for TEN years! I just don’t get people saying things like that.. some times I wonder if it ‘s for provocation. Medics/doctors/nurses, journalists, soldiers, photographers in warzones and conflicted territories out there with a purpose to us. I admire them all for being so BRAVE!
Post # 7
@baliahi1029: That’s what I was wondering.
If he meant otherwise, well, at least you know to avoid this coworker in the future. People don’t think at all. I had an English teacher in highschool start ranting about the Iraq war and how evil the soliders were in the middle of a lecture about Beowulf. My dad was deployed at the time and I just got up and left. More than half the class followed me. My point is, there are people, like the Bees that posted above, who understand what you and your husband are doing for them and will be loving and supportive. Don’t waste your time with the assholes who aren’t.
Post # 8
First and foremost please give my biggest thanks to your husband for serving his country. He is owed a great deal of gratitude.
Do you think perhaps he meant that it was terrible you would have to move around for a year and be displaced rather than he was sorry your husband was in the military?
EDIT: I see I was a bit delayed in posting. I apologize for restating what previous posters have said. 😛
Post # 9
I think he probably was sorry that you guys would be apart. That makes most sense to me.
Post # 10
@piglet_625: Wow, that is a bad response to have. I live in a military town, so my response is always, “That’s really awesome! What branch of the military? What kind of work will he/she be doing? Etc etc”. I don’t say I’m sorry or that sucks until we go deeper into the conversation and the wife/husband relays to me how hard it will be to be away from them for x amount of time. Sometimes they don’t even say that, so in that case, I would never say sorry. Weird.
Post # 11
@baliahi1029: That’s what I was thinking! On our wedding night we went to check in at the hotel we were staying at and SO MANY people stopped to thank hubs for his service since he was still in his blues. I joked that his outfit wasn’t supposed to outshine mine (I was still in my wedding dress)! And I’ve actually found we get more comments/thank yous when we AREN’T near a base since people aren’t used to seeing anyone in uniform!
@piglet_625: You can’t assume people mean the worst, you’ll drive yourself crazy – especially being a MilSpouse. Plus, it IS terrible when your SO has to leave for long periods of time! It effing sucks!
Post # 12
Thanks so much for all your support, bees!! I know that there’s LOTS of support and understanding out there and that does mean the world to me! Thank you… 🙂
Unfortunately, this guy really did mean it was terrible he’s IN the Navy, and not just that we’re separated. I live in a fairly conservative area with lots of pacifist religious groups, and while I very much so respect their opinion and their right to voice it, sometimes I wish they didn’t voice it directly to me. However, they can and they do, and I probably should just tune them out more than I do, but that’s hard!
I usually avoid mentioning what he does directly, because of getting comments like this in the past, but I’m just so stinkin proud of him, I don’t want to keep it a secret!! I will just be glad when we move! 🙂
Post # 13
@piglet_625: Well, I understand that you are proud, geez louise who wouldn’t be having a guy like that? ^_^ I agree with what you said, it will probably get better when you move. Sorry that you have to hear that stuff.. totally unecessary! Hugs!
Post # 14
@piglet_625: But why would he say he’s sorry if he just thought the professional path your FH chose (that you obviously support) is, itself, terrible? That’s what I don’t get…
Post # 15
@Navy_Wife: I wish I knew. Maybe he did mean he was sorry we were separated at that point, but his attitude and the way he said that did NOT convey that — it was almost sarcastic. Like, “umm…. well, sucks to be you” type of tone.
Post # 16
@MrsWeddingbliss: Thanks! I am very, very proud of him! 🙂