Post # 1
She’s firmly convinced that she IS a bridesmaid in my wedding…and actually cried because I’m the first person to “ask” her. However, I didn’t. With the budget I have, I can only have a MAXIMUM of 4 attendants (including MOH), and those slots are filled by family and my best friend…
How do I tell this girl that she’s NOT a bridesmaid without totally crushing her? Is there ANY other place I can put her where she doesn’t feel like I’m just trying to placate her? I don’t mind her being part of the wedding–just that she’s trying to insinuate herself into my wedding in a place where she’s prettymuch not welcome.
Post # 3
I’d have her be an usher(ette) and tell her that you had to place family as your BMs.
Post # 4
Wow, that’s a tricky one. Sooner is obviously better than later. I guess you just need to be as polite and non-confrontational as possible. Definitely asking her to do something else important in your wedding is a great way to smooth it over. I guess the perfect role for her depends on how close you two are and what her skills are? Maybe she could be the MC? Or a hostess. Perhaps she could do a meaningful reading or some sort of performance (if she has a particular talent). Good luck!
Post # 5
i agree with pp. give her another job to do. not sure what she is like but would she make a good day of coordinator? or have her do a reading or greet the guests and hand out programs. whatever you choose, make her feel important as to not hurt her feelings.
Post # 6
Ohh tough one! I always wonder how people think they’re playing a role in weddings without bride/groom actually asking them.
A couple ideas for other roles:
- Personal attendant (hand out programs, help with ushering, help set up rooms)
- Do a reading (poem, message about couple, biblical verse) during the ceremony
Post # 7
How does someone get the idea that she is your bridesmaid? Did you accidentally give her the impression? Did she misinterpret a conversation?I guess I have a hard time figuring out how someone just “assumes” they are a bridemaid, to the surety that they would CRY about how happy they were. It’s just…. bizzare behavior.
I would talk to her- TODAY. Call her up, take her for coffee, whatever- but don’t let this poor friend of yours get any more excited about this. It will be an awkward conversation for sure, but you’re not doing yourself or your friendship with her any favors to let this go.
And unless you were already planning to have a reading done, or need someone to pass out programs, don’t give her a consulation prize. Don’t guilt yourself into giving her another task unless you really need the task done.
Post # 8
I’m also wondering why she decided she is a bridesmaid? You should have corrected her as soon as she said ANYTHING.
Your friend: OMG I’m so excited to be a bridesmaid squee!!
You: Actually, we haven’t chosen the wedding party yet, and really want to keep it super small. Hey, did you hear about the crazy thing that Kim Kardashian did? Here’s the article in US Weekly! (or any other pertinent subject change.)
Now that ship has sailed. You can ask her to do a reading instead, perhaps telling her that you wanted a more special role than just standing there looking pretty. Otherwise, either suck it up and keep her in the bridal party (uneven sides are fine) or prepare for the worst if you decide to tell her she actually isn’t a bridesmaid.
Post # 9
I was in a wedding once where she only had space for her sisters to be bridesmaids, so another girl and I were candle lighters. We still had pretty matching dresses and corsages. We were the first down the aisle when the wedding music started, lit the candles and took our places in the front row. Then the mothers, etc… It worked out great for us.
Post # 10
Make something up if you have to. A really believable wedding fib comes down to who is funding the wedding. Say something like “oh my aunts and uncles contributed so much to the wedding, so I decided to make my cousins bridesmaids.” Even say that they sort of insisted. Or if she doesn’t know the bm’s very well explain that you were one of their bridesmaids and you are returning the favor. Or say that your groom only has 4 really close friends and relatives and that if you added one more it would put him in a pinch to find another groomsman to make it even. A little lie can be good if it makes her feel like it is completely out of her hands. Whatever you do don’t break it to her in a way that makes her feel embarrassed or stupid for offering to be a part of the party. I love the ideas of being an usherette or a reader. Wish I could help more. So glad I am not in your position right now.