Post # 1
As you all know, I adore Mr. A. He is smart, funny, compassionate, generous and all around wonderful.
Mr. A was married before me (shocker, right? I also thought the world did not exist before me). He has an amazing little boy that he pays almost 2k a month in child support for. Because of this, Mr. A works ALL THE TIME.
So while financially, I am doing better when it comes to time and effort, I still feel like a single mom. I still attend her school events alone. I’m still the one who drives her to and picks her up from school, gymnastics, sports, friends’ house, etc. I do all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and whatever else.
I can’t really blame Mr. A because he’s either at work, sleeping, or has his son so he honestly doesn’t have the time to help with the other stuff but it still makes me sad.
He is absolutely fantastic to Annabelle and they are extrememly close so it is not a lack of love or emotional connection. It is simply time.
We all know I adore little Miss A. She is phenomenal in everyway. She is amazing. But is it wrong to wish I had a little more help?
Post # 3
I definetely do not think it is wrong to want more help. I think a lot of moms feel this way from time to time (and sometimes dads feel like that too).
Have you spoken to him about how you feel? Even if there really isn’t much he can do about making the day longer then 24 hours 😛 but at least that way you can get some of this off your chest to him. Maybe that will help a bit of a discussion about it and you will find out he probably misses being there with you guys too.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way! I completely understand how you feel. I don’t have children, but sometimes I still feel like I do most things by myself just due to our schedules. I talked to my FI about it and now he makes an effort to do little things like take out a bag of trash, put dishes in the dishwasher, etc. From reading your post, it seems like you two are separately parenting your respective children. Maybe you could talk to him and try to do more together?
Post # 5
@jen24au: when his son is over, we do everything together. We go out to dinner, we go away to FI’s family’s lake house, etc.
It’s just when his son is not here that Mr. A. isn’t really here either.
Post # 6
@SoontobeMrsA: I don’t think it’s wrong to feel that way at all. My (step) dad traveled 5 days a week when my brother and sister were born and did up until they were 6 and 7 and my mom always said she felt like a single mother even though she wasn’t.
I’m sure he feels just as bad about it, but I agree with talking to him about it. Don’t come off as accusatory of course, but I’m sure he’d listen and understand.
Post # 7
I don’t have kids, but I feel like a single wife most of the time. When DH is gone from March-September, I have to do everything myself – cooking, cleaning, bill paying, appointments, etc. Not to mention I have moved TWICE by myself, and will be doing that again in June. Our dog had to have emergency surgery last year, and I had to handle all of that by myself too. It gets frustrating, and we don’t even have kids yet.
It is definitely something we will have to think/talk about before TTC, because I don’t know if I can handle that.
Post # 8
It’s never wrong to wish for a little more help. It’s completely understandable – especially b/c you KNOW what it’s like to be a single parent. And not knocking Mr. A, b/c he’s working so much to support his son and to be a great partner to you and father to your daughter, but you always want more time than you can have with him.
Post # 9
@SoontobeMrsA:hmm..I think all you can really do is let him know how you’re feeling. He may not realize it’s even happening that way for you. Hope you feel better!