- 3 years ago
I’m a new-ish Bee, from Canada (I don’t see many of you on here, which is why I’m pointing it out. I can’t remember exactly when I became a Bee, but as I mentioned before, I’d been reading waiting posts since last year. I think I joined 2-4 weeks ago…
Anyway, some of you might have seen a post I made, about my upcoming stress season, as my anniversary with my SO is Nov 18, my birthday Dec 14, Christmas, New Years, Valentines, and SO’s birthday in March. I know that seems spread out, but we really have NOTHING going on for nearly 7 months, and then all of the “classic” proposal dates are in one chunk of the year. This makes it hard for me, because every September-October, I start planning what I will do for/with SO for all of these holidays, and I start thinking OMGosh, what if he proposed?
Last year was the roughest EVER, but this year was not even 1/4 as bad. I made the realization at least 2 weeks before our Anniversary that this was not going to be “the proposal year”. I joined the bee so that I can vent to you lovely people, instead of airing my concerns with him, because I really DO NOT want to pressure him into a proposal.
Call me crazy, but it feels foreign to me, that I have hit a plateau of worry, if that makes sense. What I mean is, it comes to me, and it goes, but it doesn’t LINGER for days on end driving me insane anymore… I am 22 (just had my birthday 2 days ago) and I had one of the best birthday’s I’ve had that I can remember, even without a proposal, or any hint of one being imminent, so maybe that’s why I’m ok? Last year, and the year previous I had an absolutely HORRID birthday (family drama, nothing to do with SO).
Anyway… I think what I’m trying to say here, is that joining the Bee, and posting on the Bee, and reading more of the stuff here has made me a more realistic person. I have come to realize that I will be insanely lucky if we are engaged by my 25th birthday (which I really hope to be). Now that I’ve set a mental timeline that is much more realistic for my gun-shy SO, I am much happier. It is by no means a “rigid” timeline. He did not say “We will be engaged by the time you turn 25” and I did not say “We are over if we are not engaged by the time I’m 25” — that being said, I think we have come to the understanding, that more serious conversations will be had sometime after my 24th birthday, and I think that now that he seems more willing to set what I have coined a “ball-park-timeline” I am much more at ease. (I have control issues).
My point: don’t be afraid to have a few conversations that get you “nowhere” before you finally have a conversation where you feel like you have achieved something. You SO and you are growing together. This is important to do BEFORE you get engaged and married, because now I figure, we’re growing together, and not apart. <3 You got this!