(Closed) Someone assumed their baby is invited to our wedding…what to do?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

How old is the baby? If its a newborn an exception should probably be made… if not give her a quick email or call and say, sorry, about this but we have a blanket no children rule at the wedding, because of the venue.

Post # 4
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Depends. How old is the baby? Is the mother nursing? Many times there is an exception to the “no kids” policy for little ones under a year old, especially if the mother is nursig.

Post # 5
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Heat990:  Just cut it off right now. Do not delay. Have your FI or yourself (if you’ve met her and talked to her before) send her a message like:

I was so excited to see your post on our wedding website, and we are thrilled that you will be attending! I just wanted to let you know that because of our space not being baby friendly (and us wanting to give you a night off as well!), we are not having any children under the age of _____ at our wedding. I would, however, love to meet _____ at another time! But if you do need to change your RSVP, I totally understand. Just let me know as soon as you can.

Thanks!

 

Post # 6
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

OMFG I know how you feel my cousin just messaged me on facebook yesterday, telling me that she received her save the date and noticed that only her and her oldest daughter were on the save the date. She said that her middle daughter will go to her fathers that night, but she’ll for sure have the youngest who is 3, then asked if it ws ok if she came? So I did my first o crap moment and then I just replied back, that her oldest is the youngest (confusing I know) that will be coming to the wedding i.e. no kids. She then replied back saying since her parents are going to be there she doesn’t know if she can get someone to watch her :O I know her other side of the family very well and they would love to watch her, don’t try to guilt me ๐Ÿ™ UGH!!!

 

Just hang in there, and just nicely tell people that want to invite kids or babies that your not having kids at the wedding. Even if its a lie they won’t find out until the wedding and then its too late.

Post # 7
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Is the baby nursing? That complicates things a bit. Most people make an exception for newborns if they really want the couple present. If you don’t really care, just say “Sorry no babies” and go from there.

Post # 8
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I agree with the PPs.  If the baby is nursing, it might be nice to offer an exception so that you can still have your friends come.  A nursing baby really can’t be away from mom for the length of a wedding, and she would need to pump during it also.  We had a no kids rule, but two of our friends brought their nursing babies, and I was totally fine with that.  It’s not like they eat the food or really take up space, and I wanted to see them too.

I can understand you not wanting babies for the ceremony due to crying or for whatever reason.  But, if you don’t want the baby there, you should communicate to your friends that unfortunately you can’t accomodate any babies, and understand if they can’t attend because of that.

Post # 9
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It is up to you, and I am a nursing mom and would really appreciate being offered the exception but I wouldn’t expect it. Personally I didn’t have issues pumping and that’s what I did but not every mom can pump. 

One thing I disagree with that I hear and that has been mentioned in this thread is telling the parents that you are trying to offer them a night off. This has always annoyed me for some reason- if you don’t want kids at your wedding, that’s totally fine and acceptable, but I hate when a host tries to make it seem like they’re doing me a favor by not inviting my children. Babysitters are expensive and not always easy to find, and this may mean your fiance’s cousin will have to decline.

Post # 10
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Yeah…I never believe when people say to just put the adults’ names on the invites. Sometimes you have to be more strict than that, especially when there’s babies involved. However, that’s not YOUR fault. It’s THEIRS for not being properly versed in etiquette.

Call them & explain that you’re “really sorry for the confusion, but unfortunately baby X isn’t invited to the wedding”. Say that you hope they can still come, and if they try to press you on the baby point, keep repeating that it’s not possible.

Post # 11
Hostess
16217 posts
Honey Beekeeper

We had to make an awkward phone call. They were understanding.

Post # 12
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Even if it was born yesterday, this child is going to be at least 5 months old by the time of the wedding, so it certainly can be left with a babysitter for a few hours.

The baby is not “excited” to go to its first wedding- at that age, you’re excited when you eat and have people make funny faces/sing at you. :)-

Since it’s FI’s cousin, he probably should be the one to make the call/send the e-mail. If there’s an issue (with nursing, for ex.), is there a room which could be utilized as a nursery? We are inviting five OOT guests who have children, and I have told all of them we will help find babysitters if they need them. Some guests may not be able to attend because of it, but we’re making an across-the-board decision.

Post # 13
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Was easy for me, I called and explicitly said well there is no children being invited… There will be no food, no seating, no special arrangements made for your baby as we intend to have an adults only wedding/ reception… and the music will be loud and not the place for a baby. However, if you are nursing, I understand if you can’t get away from the baby for an evening. But please do understand no special circumstances will be made for your child. I said I’m sorry, and hope she can still make it for a good night out.

 

She later confirmed no baby will be attending- much to my reflief.

Post # 14
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@rebwana:  “The baby is not “excited” to go to its first wedding- at that age, you’re excited when you eat and have people make funny faces/sing at you. :)”


Haha, this is what I was thinking. ๐Ÿ™‚  Best of luck. We did have some guests decline because they just had a baby (and a few other reasons) and were concerned about the logistics of it. We’re sorry they can’t make it, but they seemed understanding. Hope it works out with your FI’s family!

Post # 15
Member
2273 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We have allowed 2 of our guests to bring their newborns – a GMs wife is due late June (baby will be a month old by wedding) and my friend is due 9 days before the wedding ๐Ÿ™‚ thou she is being induced early (due to medical reasons) so bub will be about 3 weeks old – she doesn’t want to bring “it” but has conceded she might have to haha.

I also found out one of FIs friends wife is pregnant due in June also but as far as I am aware she is opting out of coming thou FI’s friend is still coming… I keep telling FI to tell wife baby can come but he hasn’t (I told the others but I don’t know friend or wife so I can’t/won’t tell them).

Everyone else it is kid free… Thou everyone else’s kids are going to be 9 months + at the wedding, even my god daughter is not coming. 

Post # 16
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Joke answer: Address and mail an UNvitation to the little guy. That should work. ๐Ÿ™‚

Maybe send a card stock specifically to this couple thanking them for the RSVP to the wedding. Have a reminder line in it that the event is adults only. Make it on something similar to your invitation so it appears as though every one got one?

Personally, I’d also delete the comment off your wedding website so no one else gets “ideas” from seeing this woman’s intention to bring little baby. But if it’s your FI’s family, have him call her and explain.

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