(Closed) Someone assuming they are invited

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Unless the friend says something to you personally, I don’t think you can really say anything to her about it.

However- you can tell you married friend- the invite would be for her and her husband- not intended for her and a guest. You can format your reply cards so that it’s very specific who’s invited. (Another bee came up with this reply card, which I think is brilliant!)


Post # 4
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Unless she is someone you’d rather avoid – she’s unpleasant or you just have a bad history – I’d say let her come as the friend’s date. She’s clearly really excited for you, and that’s a nice person to have at your wedding.

Post # 5
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

If you have a limit I would just kindly say “I’m sorry, we’re trying to keep it small & want to be sure all of our family/close friends can attend”. As for the RSVP, I agree with the PP, or put “we have reserved __ seats for you” and put 1 if she knows her husband won’t be there.

Post # 7
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

@sarahjane822: that’s why I would tend to agree to let her be your friend’s plus 1. It’s a sticky situation, and there’s no right or wrong. If you can’t fit her in, don’t be afraid to say so, but if it’s not going to change anything (you were budgeting for that extra guest-the husband) you might want to just let her come. She’s happy for you, and maybe she wants to reconnect. It’s a small world also…burning bridges is never a good idea. 

Post # 8
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@sarahjane822: Oh dear. This is why I never post anything on facebook. I suppose its not the end of the world if she comes if you already were planning on 2 for your friend but it really is totally up to you. If you send her a thank you so much for thinking about me and wanting to be there on my special day but its too soon to know what the guest list will be and budget and I may want to keep this strictly close friends and family but I will defintaly squeeze you in if possible! 🙂 

Post # 11
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m on the oposite side of the fence – I don’t agree with PPs.  If you didn’t plan to invite your old pal to your wedding then she’s not going to be on the guest list, and if she attends it’s really as a “crasher.”  It was kind of your other college friend to offer to bring the pal as a her guest, but what if things change and her hubby can attend?  (I think it was rather presumptuous of her to offer this option in the first place – particularly if she discussed it with the other pal… I’m sure it came from a good place, but still, it would irk me.)

I’m not sure that there’s much you can POLITELY do to discourage your old pal at this point, but you can certainly remain absolutely silent regarding your wedding plans.  And I do think it’s entirely appropriate to tell your other college friend “I’m trying to keep my wedding small and intimate.  Fiance and I decided we would only be inviting people we have actively had a relationship with over the last 5 years. [or whatever] While I really appreciate your kindness in offering up your husband’s seat to Old Pal, Fiance & I intended that invitation for the two of you; and we hope that he’ll be able to join us – though we understand the chances are looking slim at the moment.”

If the old pal makes a comment directly to you, then at THAT point you might have an opening to say something along the lines of “oh, we’re really trying to keep the guest list small.  Thank you for being so excited for us, it means a lot to me.  I hope you understand though, at this point it doesn’t seem that we’ll have room for many guests beyond our family and a very few friends.” 

Post # 12
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Just let her come since she is happy for you.

Post # 13
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t see the problem with letting your friend bring her as her date, if she was going to be allowed a guest (her husband) anyway it should change your numbers.  

Post # 14
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

you need to make sure her husband can not attend things can change in a year. I think it would b easier to nip it in the bud so you do not have to worry about it. you shouldnt feel presured to have anyone at your wedding its your day not theirs.

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