Post # 1
I see people on the WB posting things like:
“I got a $15 gift from someone who earns $120K.”
“She earns $120K, so she can afford to spend $300 on a bridesmaids dress.”
“She makes $51K, lives with her parents and has no bills, so there is no reason for her to not come to my bachelorette.”
Why do so many of you have no problems spending your frieds money? Or dictating how much someone should spend on you/your wedding based on their income? And how do you know how much all your friends make and exactly what their bills and expenses are? I mean, I can roughly guess how much my friends earn but I have no idea how many bills they have or what their debt is. Yes, I know they have mortgages/student loans/etc. but I don’t know how much they are!
It always makes me cringe when people say things like “But she makes this, so I know she can afford it.” Great that she can afford it but maybe she doesn’t want to spend her money that way?
Post # 3
Ellicott: i think this post is going to start a war.
but I am with you. I don’t ever think its ok to count someone’s money.
Sure, someone makes $50K, or even $100K but they could be in serious debt or they have priorities, and somones wedding is not a priority. And I think thats the problem, these brides that expect an expensive gift from their friends who have a good salary are expecting their wedding to be a priority. Sorry brides-to-be, yes everyone is so happy for you but no one is going to break the bank for your wedding, and if you expect them to, you need a serious reality check.
Post # 4
I’ll admit it, I’ll be disappointed if my close friends can’t be bothered with at least a nice card. To me, it really is the thought that counts!
Post # 5
I ask because I have never felt this way. I’ve never had a reason to. I’m eloping and not having any wedding festivities (no shower/bachelorette/reception), so have never encountered this in my life. This is the first I’ve heard of or seen it. None of my friends have never told me how to spend my money, either. Even in weddings, nobody’s said “Well, you can afford a $300 bridesmaid’s dress and $300 for the shower, but you make X, so you can afford it”. However, I have never complained about costs and just piad my portion with a smile on my face. I’ve never received a gift and thought “That’s it? I know she could afford more.”.
Maybe I’ve never heard it said because I’m a generous gift giver?
Post # 6
Ellicott: I’m with you on this. No one truly knows the financial situation of others, it’s rude to assume that you, “friend”, get to determine what is/isn’t acceptable in terms of gifting amount vs my income.
(which, BTW– who even knows what their friends make?! That’s just not something we talk about in my circle).
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF
Yeah, it can be pretty bad. No one should make assumptions on what people can afford either – I make £X and should live comfortably in Central London but by the end of the month, I’m ready for payday. What’s on paper isn’t always what’s in the bank.
At the same time, I think you should forgive most of the people on here, though – I genuinely don’t think anyone means to sound malicious or ignorant when they say things like you’ve cited; they probably just got caught up in the wedding planning process and let’s face it, humans are inherently selfish. When you combine stress with your vision of the perfect day, it’s easy to understand how some might have an occasional lapse in judgment and say something horrible.
I know that I have and I can openly admit it. When one of my bridesmaids refused to tell me how much she felt comfortable spending on a dress and then got upset when I picked a dress of X amount (which I offered to pay half of), I became frustrated and felt like she wasn’t being honest or cooperative. I vented on here because I didn’t want to talk poorly of a friend to anyone who might know her and I knew that as soon as I got my whining out, I’d feel better.
And isn’t what this site is essentially for? Complaining/venting/cheering about/discussing ALL of the various aspects of the wedding process? Sure, people may sound callous and greedy but the Internet isn’t always how people really are.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
Ellicott: I don’t believe in doing that, but I think the thinking is that some people are surprised that someone earning a certain amount or is in a certain financial situation is not ready to open their wallet or they view them as “stingy”. Reality is people don’t fully understand other people’s financial situations … I am more in the camp of give whatever you are comfortable with. I think this thread is asking for trouble.
Post # 9
Daizy914: more of a circle jerk than a war, I think.
Post # 10
Some people just feel entitled if you ask me.
Post # 11
Meh, i’m never surprised when “wealthy” people dont spend a lot on others…how do you think they remain wealthy?
Post # 12
Cory_loves_this_girl: that and I think some people just don’t have a clue. For ex: I am going to an engagement party this weekend and this friend has expressed to me that she expects people to give at least $100-$200. She is expecting to ‘make enough money’ to help save for the wedding (which is most likely going to be a DW). <br /><br />I didn’t say anything to that bc I didn’t want to seem like a Negative Nancy, but $100 is a lot, and some people don’t have $100 to give! So to expect that is unrealistic.
Post # 13
Some people are just entitled.
How do they even know how much money someone makes? Based on their idiotic assumptions, I’d venture to say they’re the type of people who ask inappropriate questions like this.
Post # 14
I know what my close friends make and have a general idea of their financial responsibilities but I would never assume that I know where ever penny of their money goes. Even if I did, it’s not my right to decide how they spend what they have left over. Our close friends spent $30 on our wedding gift. I know how much it was because they bought something off of our registry. Could they have spent more? Probably, but they didn’t and it’s not the end of the world. People need to keep their hands out of their friends wallets and worry about the sense of entitlement that is seeping from their pores.
Just because couple A spent $150 on their friends wedding gift doesn’t mean that couple B need to return the favor. I am notoriously generous when it comes to gift giving. I spend what I feel comfortable with (which tends to be more than most people would spend) so should the recipient feel that they need to match my generousity when it comes time to shower me with gifts? Absolutely not. Friends shouldn’t care how much money is spent on each other. For all you know, they could be dealing with financial hardship that they haven’t made public. It doesn’t matter how close friends are. Some things just aren’t shared.
Post # 15
Agree with all your original points. I would also like to add “I spent x amount on her bridal shower/wedding gift/being in her wedding and she only spent x for me!”, in order to justify being upset someone didn’t spend enough of their money on you.
Sorry, but that’s not how things work.