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If your moms are besties, i'd probably go ahead and ask. Although it's typically super awkward, among best friends it's just one of those "look i gotta know and it's okay either way" sort of things. I couldn't see my mom not quietly asking her best friend a question like this and I don't see her being offended, particularly if the bride had extended a verbal invitation.
I think you should wait a bit- maybe the budget was short and you may be on the cut or B-list- which doesn't really make sense- considering the rest of your family is invited but I would err on the side of caution. Maybe your mom can non-chalantly mention you in conversation? Eee-gads, maybe they just forgot!
I would have your mom talk to his mom. Seems odd that you'd be invited to the shower and then not to the wedding.
I won't be totally offended if we're not invited, honestly I didn't expect to be as I mentioned in the OP, but since she asked me point-blank if I was coming, I think it would be sort of weird to retract that now...
I agree with the PP's. Get your mom to ask his mom. You DO need to know because of booking hotels, etc so I don't think it's a question you can keep to yourself - although there is no real easy way to ask without it sounding awkward :/
Since you were invited to the shower, I'd assume they know better that you should be invited to the wedding, too, and they intended to. I voted to wait for the invite, but then I realized that you probably need to know asap so you can book your plan ticket and hotel. When did your parents get their invitation? Wait if you can before it gets too hard to book a flight, and if you still haven't received anything, then ask your mom to ask the groom's mother. The mail might have gotten lost, or delayed due to the holidays?
My parents got their invite last week. Maybe for some bizarre reason I was included on their invite, even though I haven't lived with them for years? My FI and I are going over there this Saturday to celebrate Xmas, I think I'll ask my mom to talk to the groom's mother for me.
It's complicated by the fact that FI and I will be out of town until Jan 2nd, hopefully we would still be able to book tickets and such (if we're invited) when we get back...
I would give it a couple more days (holidays make the mail slow as molasses) and then have your mom ask. I would hope you'd be invited given your family is and you were invited to the shower and it's not cool to have people at your shower you aren't inviting to the wedding.
Honestly I think it would have been rude of them to invite you to the shower and not the wedding! They want you to buy them presents but they can't buy you dinner? I would call them and ask about it or have your mom ask since she is friends with the groom's mom.
Edit: Maybe they don't understand the etiquette that you are supposed to give all adult children their own invitation if they are over 18 and especially if you know that they are engaged to be married to someone else!
If you have to buy airfare, then I would try to figure it out as soon as possible.
When you ask your mom to ask his mom (that's pretty fun, but I agree with the rest of the bees that it will work well) ask her to mention that you understand having a tight budget and that you wouldn't be offended if they don't have you on the list. You just want to make sure that you make arrangements if you are invited.
Wouldn't it be nice if everyone was as understanding as you? Weddings are so expensive that often good friends have to be cut from the list even against the wishes of the bride/groom, etc. I wish more people would understand that a lack of invite isn't a statment of your relationship...more of a statement of the bride and grooms' budget. :)
I've been to a wedding where the bride sent out a scanned copy of the invite via facebook, I thought it was pretty tacky, but I cared about her so I didn't let that get in the way of my going.
It's quite possible she forgot about you. I've had so many people ask me, "I'm invited right?" and I'm afraid I will forget to invite some of them; yet, it was her who asked you, so....who knows.
I'd definitely pass word along the grapevine that your invite never arrived -- then you can see what's what!
Invites DO get lost in the mail, it can happen! Get your mom to gather the info and find out fast. Good luck!
Call and ask!
It's VERY rude to invite someone to your shower, but not the wedding - plus, you have plans to make!
Just something like "Hey, John, my parents got the invite to your wedding, but we haven't received ours! When I talked to Stephanie at the shower, she said you guys were getting married in SoCal, so I wanted to check with you, so I can make arrangements" - not anything pushy that sounds like you're inviting yourself - just clarification.
February is quite a ways off yet and they don't send out invites until 6-8 weeks before the wedding , and that applies to every guest. If they sent out save the dates 6 months prior, again they should have gone to every invited guest, not just a select few. If you have not received either, especially a wedding invite, then follow the assumption that you are not invited. It's rude to even bring it up. It's possible that they forgot, but more than likely they didn't. While it's rude to be invited to the shower without being invited to the wedding as well, it's most likely an oversight by the shower hostess and probably not the couple's fault at all since the bride has no say in the shower planning other than the guest list, and alot of times, the hostess doesn't abide by that list and invites other folks as well. A verbal invite is not official even though it may be the case for any other occasion. Unless you receive an actual paper invite, plan on staying home.
If you call, you won't sound like you're inviting yourself.. because you were already invited verbally. ;) Go ahead and check in and find out what happened to your invite.
I was in a similar situation recently, got a STD but no invite. My parents and brothers got invites but I didn't. Eventually, I e-mailed the bride and (VERY nicely) asked if I was still invited and said I understood if I wasn't etc. etc.
Apparently the invite just got lost in the mail, she sent another one and we had a fantastic time at the wedding!
Since your mom just got hers last week and mail can be slow this time of year, I'd give it another week then get your mom to talk to the grooms mom. It's totally awkwards but less awkward than you being one of those people who didn't RSVP b/c the invite got lost!
Since it's a destination for you (and you were invited to the shower WTF??) I would ask your Mom to ask, absolutely. It's extremely bad etiquette for the bride to tell you you're invited then not say anything at all and not send you an invite. So I'm sorry but if it's awkward for her, she deserves it. If things changed she could have at least told you and said she was sorry, you know?
It sounds like an honest mistake; either it got lost in the mail (which did happen to me, my great grandmothers invite came in like a month after I sent them out!!!!)
Because she verbally asked you if you were coming, I would let your mom know about that & have her call the grooms mother just to "check."
I'm with the PP's -- if you were invited to the shower, you're most probably invited to the wedding especially if she asked you. I'd wait a couple more days for the invite since it's the Holidays and the mail is all screwy. I'd def. mention it to your mom though, maybe the couple got your address wrong.
I'd actually check with them directly. I always rather do that then go through the grapevine, because then you get first-hand, accurate info.
If she'd mentioned it to you before, it's possible she might have sent your invite and you just haven't gotten it yet. I think you could just email or call and say something like "Just wanted to check to make sure you were still able to include us on the guest list, so we can make travel plans if necessary."
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Maybe you guys can help me figure out what to do here~
A long-time family friend (a guy) is getting married in February in Los Angeles (I live in SF) I don't know his bride, but in October I was invited to her shower which was held in Northern CA where his parents and family live (They gave the shower). At the shower, she asked me if I and my fiance were coming to their wedding (no invites had gone out at that point) I was caught off-guard because I hadn't been sure if I was invited since they're holding it in So Cal, maybe they have a tight budget, whatever. I told her, yes, definitely.
Anyway, it's now mid-December and apparently the invites have already gone out because my parents received theirs (and my brother is going to be a groomsman), but I haven't gotten anything. My dad asked me the other day if I was going, and I told him I'm not sure, since I didn't receive anything.
Am I still invited? It's not a local wedding, I'd have to buy plane tickets and book a hotel, plus I don't even know where it's being held, so it's not like I can just show up because of my "verbal invite". My mom is best friends with the groom's mom, should I just have her ask if my fiance and I are invited? Should I wait longer to see if I get an invite in the mail?