Post # 1
Maybe you guys can help me figure out what to do here~
A long-time family friend (a guy) is getting married in February in Los Angeles (I live in SF) I don’t know his bride, but in October I was invited to her shower which was held in Northern CA where his parents and family live (They gave the shower). At the shower, she asked me if I and my fiance were coming to their wedding (no invites had gone out at that point) I was caught off-guard because I hadn’t been sure if I was invited since they’re holding it in So Cal, maybe they have a tight budget, whatever. I told her, yes, definitely.
Anyway, it’s now mid-December and apparently the invites have already gone out because my parents received theirs (and my brother is going to be a groomsman), but I haven’t gotten anything. My dad asked me the other day if I was going, and I told him I’m not sure, since I didn’t receive anything.
Am I still invited? It’s not a local wedding, I’d have to buy plane tickets and book a hotel, plus I don’t even know where it’s being held, so it’s not like I can just show up because of my “verbal invite”. My mom is best friends with the groom’s mom, should I just have her ask if my fiance and I are invited? Should I wait longer to see if I get an invite in the mail?
Post # 3
If your moms are besties, i’d probably go ahead and ask. Although it’s typically super awkward, among best friends it’s just one of those “look i gotta know and it’s okay either way” sort of things. I couldn’t see my mom not quietly asking her best friend a question like this and I don’t see her being offended, particularly if the bride had extended a verbal invitation.
Post # 4
I think you should wait a bit- maybe the budget was short and you may be on the cut or B-list- which doesn’t really make sense- considering the rest of your family is invited but I would err on the side of caution. Maybe your mom can non-chalantly mention you in conversation? Eee-gads, maybe they just forgot!
Post # 5
I would have your mom talk to his mom. Seems odd that you’d be invited to the shower and then not to the wedding.
Post # 6
I won’t be totally offended if we’re not invited, honestly I didn’t expect to be as I mentioned in the OP, but since she asked me point-blank if I was coming, I think it would be sort of weird to retract that now…
Post # 7
I agree with the PP’s. Get your mom to ask his mom. You DO need to know because of booking hotels, etc so I don’t think it’s a question you can keep to yourself – although there is no real easy way to ask without it sounding awkward :/
Post # 8
Since you were invited to the shower, I’d assume they know better that you should be invited to the wedding, too, and they intended to. I voted to wait for the invite, but then I realized that you probably need to know asap so you can book your plan ticket and hotel. When did your parents get their invitation? Wait if you can before it gets too hard to book a flight, and if you still haven’t received anything, then ask your mom to ask the groom’s mother. The mail might have gotten lost, or delayed due to the holidays?
Post # 9
My parents got their invite last week. Maybe for some bizarre reason I was included on their invite, even though I haven’t lived with them for years? My FI and I are going over there this Saturday to celebrate Xmas, I think I’ll ask my mom to talk to the groom’s mother for me.
It’s complicated by the fact that FI and I will be out of town until Jan 2nd, hopefully we would still be able to book tickets and such (if we’re invited) when we get back…
Post # 10
I would give it a couple more days (holidays make the mail slow as molasses) and then have your mom ask. I would hope you’d be invited given your family is and you were invited to the shower and it’s not cool to have people at your shower you aren’t inviting to the wedding.
Post # 11
Honestly I think it would have been rude of them to invite you to the shower and not the wedding! They want you to buy them presents but they can’t buy you dinner? I would call them and ask about it or have your mom ask since she is friends with the groom’s mom.
Edit: Maybe they don’t understand the etiquette that you are supposed to give all adult children their own invitation if they are over 18 and especially if you know that they are engaged to be married to someone else!
Post # 12
If you have to buy airfare, then I would try to figure it out as soon as possible.
Post # 13
When you ask your mom to ask his mom (that’s pretty fun, but I agree with the rest of the bees that it will work well) ask her to mention that you understand having a tight budget and that you wouldn’t be offended if they don’t have you on the list. You just want to make sure that you make arrangements if you are invited.
Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone was as understanding as you? Weddings are so expensive that often good friends have to be cut from the list even against the wishes of the bride/groom, etc. I wish more people would understand that a lack of invite isn’t a statment of your relationship…more of a statement of the bride and grooms’ budget. 🙂
Post # 14
I’ve been to a wedding where the bride sent out a scanned copy of the invite via facebook, I thought it was pretty tacky, but I cared about her so I didn’t let that get in the way of my going.
It’s quite possible she forgot about you. I’ve had so many people ask me, “I’m invited right?” and I’m afraid I will forget to invite some of them; yet, it was her who asked you, so….who knows.
Post # 15
I’d definitely pass word along the grapevine that your invite never arrived — then you can see what’s what!
Post # 16
Invites DO get lost in the mail, it can happen! Get your mom to gather the info and find out fast. Good luck!