Post # 1
My best friend got engaged (yay!) and asked me to be her MOH (even more yay!) But there’s another BM who I don’t particularly get along with, and I wouldn’t say that I feel my friendship w/ the bride is at stake, but I definitely feel like when they are around each other I don’t exist. This isn’t my day and I’m not trying to make it all about me, but when we go wedding dress shopping, the bride asks her mom (which is super important, and the only real opinion that matters), then she asks the other bridesmaid. She never, and I repeat NEVER asks for my opinion, even though I am sitting right in front of her.
Sometimes I feel like she desperately wanted BM #2 to be her MOH, but she felt obligated to give me the position since we have been friends for so long. I definitely DO want to be her MOH, as I have been dreaming about her wedding just as long as she has (I wrote her a letter the night she went on her first date with her fiance. I intend on giving it to her at her rehearsal dinner.) but I don’t want to stand in the way if she does not value my opinion.
Has anyone else had this problem? Any other MOHs, Bridesmaids or Brides with advice? It would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
Hmmm. Could it be that she just feels like the other bm has more in common with her in terms of style? Or is wedding dress shopping just one example and she does this with everything?
Post # 4
It’s literally everything. The bride even postponed her wedding for an extensive period of time so the other BM wouldn’t be involved in another wedding at the same time. She even changed her colors (previously canary/concrete) because this BM stated she does not look good in yellow. Ceremony/Reception venue are also left up to this BM’s opinions, and I honestly feel like I am the last to know everything. And it isn’t for lack of trying, either. I ask her questions but I feel like the other BM is always one step ahead. I honestly feel like it is right out of the movie Bridesmaids, because it’s almost as if we are at war with eachother. I wouldn’t get my feelings hurt if the bride did say she wanted the other BM to be her MOH at all. In fact, I think that my feelings are more hurt when she acts as if she doesn’t value my opinion (or my friendship) in the least. I just need to know if this is something I could/should bring up to her (hey, I’ve been thinking a lot, and I’ve just noticed that you seem to have a stronger bond with bridesmaid X. I was wondering what you thought of her being your MOH instead?) or if I am dealing with an overly aggressive BM and a bride that can’t stand up to her?
Post # 5
Well, I wouldnt word it like that, but I do think you should bring it up. I would say, hey, lately I have felt left out of everything, as if my opinions don’t matter and like a runner up, just wondering if everything is ok? I’m sorry you’re going through this sweety.
Post # 6
She could also just be coddling this girl. Maybe she understands that you are stronger/don’t need to be lead as much. When dress shopping, give your opinion! Be outgoing in conversation! And if you still feel awkward, please talk to her! If you have been friends a long time, this is the best way to deal with it. She might just be thinking that you are being quiet, not that you are uncomfortable!
Post # 7
Thank yall so much for the advice! I will talk to her the next chance I get!
Post # 8
I wouldn’t bring it up.
I was in a bridal party where me and the bride and the MOH had previously been really close and even lived together. The MOH and I had a MAJOR falling out about a year before the wedding… not like a disagreement, like I was living at her aunts and she literally pulled me out the door by my hair.
We both agreed that we should be cordial for all the wedding stuff and then would never have to see eachother again. It worked out well, we even had a blast together at the bachelorette party.
The wedding was awkward mostly because the MOH hated that my SO was there and I was so happy with him. Didn’t think I deserved to be happy after “what I did to her.” But I don’t think the bride and groom ever noticed and they got to enjoy their day without any animosity known.
I say just keep quiet and be a good friend to the bride and offer your opinions when you can. It’s stressful enough planning a wedding, hearing about you being hurt would probably bring her to tears. Like PP said, she may just think this girl needs more attention that you or something and that you will always be there for her so she doesn’t worry as much about specifically asking you your opinion.