Post # 1
45 days till the wedding, and I’m having a crisis…
We decided NOT to invite children 15 and under, since there are a lot of guests with small children, and we’re having to pay by the person, which would add about $3,000 to our costs, and we just can’t afford that. We’re also having a very formal, late afternoon wedding, and a venue that isn’t really child-friendly. I am also trying to avoid having my greatest wedding nightmare: a child crying, screaming, or talking loudly during the quiet ceremony. I know that might be wierd, but at every wedding I’ve been to it happens without fail, a baby or toddler gets tired or bored and starts crying LOUDLY during the “I do’s”.
Knowing proper ettiquite, I didn’t say “no kids”. I simply wrote the name of the invited person(s) on the inner envelope, and then had a space on the RSVP that said “We have reserved ____ seats in your honor”. I wrote in a “1” for a single guest, a friend of my Nana’s, who isn’t seeing anyone, and would have several dozen of her closest friends at the wedding. She crossed out the one, and wrote “2”, and she wrote her 4 year-old grand-daughter’s name up top. Now, I’m sure her grand-daughter is lovely, and very sweet, but we just cannot have any children at all, or the ones who didn’t bring their kids will be furious!! What do I do? I don’t know this lady well, but I like her and don’t want to offend her, should my Nana call her? What should she say?
WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO INVITE EXTRA PEOPLE I DIDN’T INVITE?!?
It’s like, “Hello, I’d like you and you FH to pay for my random friend/relative to eat dinner and be entertained, even though you don’t know them/chose not to invite them!” …..ARGG!!!!!
Post # 3
Ask your Nana to call her and explain that the ceremony and reception are not Child Inclusive, and offer to help her find a sitter if she’s watching the kid that weekend or something.
Post # 4
I would talk with your Nana about it. You said it was a friend of your Nana’s right? Just let her know that there’s no possible way you can afford to have children at your wedding, and if you have one, you have to have them all. If she could call her friend for you, that would be ideal. If she can’t, call her yourself and explain the situation. I think what she did was pretty rude, especially after you specifically said you reserved 1 seat for her. I hope this works out for you!
Post # 5
My worst nightmare. We are having an adult reception – our friends are wild and there’s no telling what kind of “wardrobe malfunction” is going to happen or that sort of thing.
Just let her know, gently of course, that it is an adult reception, that you wish you she could bring her young granddaughter and that space is very limited.
No better way to say it. Hope it works out for you.
Post # 6
Wow, I was planning on doing what you did (put down number of seats reserved) to prevent unwanted guests.. I didn’t think people would actually cross the number and increase it! That’s so rude I don’t even know what to say! Some people just don’t know the cost involved or know/care about the etiquette, I guess… I’d be so annoyed. I think I’d definitely somehow “deinvite” the 4-year old. Have someone explain that only one seat was reserved and there is no extra seat for a plus one, and even if there is, this wedding is an adult event.
Post # 7
Oh, goodness, how rude!
I agree that this is one for your Nana — I think having someone else ‘have the conversation’ can work better as it takes some of the sting out of it.
Post # 8
How rude of her! We did the exact same thing (___seats reserved in your honor) and I’d be furious if someone wrote in their own number.
I’d ask your Nana to handle it, but if she’s uncomfortable you can always contact her directly. I’d nicely blame it on the venue (they can’t have people under 18 for legal reasons, whatever) and volunteer to help her find a sitter if necessary. Sadly though, if she shows up with the grandchild you don’t have many other options but to bite your tongue.
Post # 9
Have your Nana call and explain that the wedding is adults only, you’ll help find a sitter or whatever blah blah blah. Why isn’t the kid with her parents, anyway? That’s bizarre. Maybe she’s watching the kid that weekend or something? Either way, not acceptable. I think it’s kind of on your Nana since it’s her friend, but if she doesn’t want to you’ll just have to suck it up and make that phone call. Because, yes, people will be REALLY pissed if a kid shows up and they had to make other arrangements.
Post # 10
That is extremely rude. You were trying to sound more civilized by leaving off “Adults Only” and just telling people how many spaces were allotted and for who and of course someone tried to work around it.
If you are 100% sure your Nana will take your side have her deal with it. Otherwise, just ask for her # and call this guest to explain you are having an adults only wedding and budget has allowed you only so many guests, all of which have received invitations.
Post # 11
I agree with ModernDaisy. If your Nana will agree to tell her that no children are invited at all, then have her talk to the girl. If not, you are going to have to be the one to explain that there are no children under 15 coming to wedding and you can’t provide food for any additional guests.
Post # 12
That is about the rudest thing I have ever heard. Now I’m really worried. To avoid the “can I invite so-and-so” conversations with guests I did the same thing by writing in “we have reserved _ seats in your honor” To think someone would cross out the number and write something in is about the biggest ettiquette faux pas I can think of. Wow!
My plan is if anyone does have the guts to to that I’ll just call them and tell them our venue is only equipped to hold so many people and unfortunately we cannot accomodate extra UNINVITED guests. If they persist I’ll let them know i have other friends on a secondary list that would be thrilled to come in their place instead and completely UNDERSTAND MY SITUATION. I’ll snub as nicely as I possibly can.
Nana may be old, but you need to nip this one in the bud. Because if one child slips through the cracks, you’ll have people all over hating you that paid for a sitter.
Post # 13
oh man…..we are doing that on our RSVP. i hope (fingers crossed) that people arent that rude. i know a few people probably wont come because of that.
have your nana call for sure. explain that you cant have her come and if she doesnt like that, you are sorry but you just cant have children coming.