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is your ex as hot as hers in that movie? (just kidding) realisticly you will be creating a totally new experience with a totally new person. You have kids right? I think I am remembering this from your other posts. Think of how different their births/ first steps etc felt, seperate and special. you are lucky to have gone through a wedding once before so now you know what matters- us first timers should be so lucky. ((hugs))
Vistagirl..um..my x is pretty hot (his inside was what made him "un-hot" to me) but T is super super hot!!
My worries is a random wierd flashback. Just a wierd one happening. I only have one child though. I can relate to having more than one dog thought..and yes, each are totally different!
Our LIVES are different and relationship totally different.
What is wierd is the fear of a silly random thought. I am one who is only wanting to be in the moment on that day. Just concerned the random thought would happen. Granted, I'm not at all feeling like the girl did in the movie when the storm started with the lightening, because I seriously harbor NO feelings at all about my past. It just simply is what it is.
I'm hoping that if/when it happens, it will be fleeting and just for maybe a nanosecond.
I did have a gorgeous wedding before (aside from guy or emotions or anything). I can say that objectively.
I think the memories of that day prob WILL cross my mind, but like you Belle, I'm completely at peace with what WAS.
I know that if I have a fleeting thought of something, It will only show the difference in the feelings that I have for FH and the way I felt about the X (back then).
This relationship is so much more "right". It won't bother me if I think of something (even for a nonosecond) because what I'm experiencing is so much more magical.
First, I love Sweet Home Alabama. One of my all time favorites. Ok, had to get that out of the way. While I've never been married (and yet I read the Encore Board, weird), I have random flashbacks every now and then. My fiance loves the Pittsburgh Steelers (and of course I'm a Browns fan) and so did my ex boyfriend. So watching the games with my fiance, I sometimes flashback because my ex bf was actually the one who got me into football. And really, it's usually just a random thought and goes away quickly. Of course, that in no way compares having a previous wedding and marriage but I think once we get to a certain age (30's), we all have baggage. And it sounds like you've dealt with yours and your wedding day is going to be about you and T and the new life you're creating together.
I certainly have flashbacks. In fact, I had to dig out my old planner to find a pic of my dress- I'm modifying it and wearing it again! (It was an awesome dress). It's funny though, I am not affected by it. It was a lovely time, but I see the people in my mind as people I don't really know. The me that is marrying my fiance is a very different me. Our wedding will be different.
It's hard to compete with the details, I worked my butt off to make it perfect (this time around is MUCH simpler!), and it was. It was a beautiful, perfect day, and yes, on that day I believed I was the happiest I could ever be; now I know better. I'll look back, I'll smile and wave goobye at the woman who was Mrs. Ex, and then I'll move forward with my life.
For some reason I am not worried about this at all. My previous wedding was SO different from this one, this one is more along the lines of what I really wanted.
I have no advice to offer and I'm sure you'll be just fine on the big day. GL. :)
No worries for me in this area, but I do understand what you mean. My starter wedding was not really something I wanted to do. I did it cause I thought it was the right thing to do. As I walked down the aisle, I wanted to turn around and run back into the limo and go gamble at the Bellagio (yes, 1st wedding in Vegas). Also, I could tell my starter groom was drunk. Who really wants to marry a drunk man? SMH. Needless to say, it didn't last and this time I want to marry my Mister. Now, if I see him drunk up there standing at the alter waiting for me... I'm running this time. Julia, watch out! Here comes the "real" run away bride. Wait... was the Julia or Sandra?
I think I'm with SanDiegoAli and Querida on this. Not worried about flashbacks -- the weddings are going to be totally totally different and more importantly, the relationship is totally totally different. What I have now (although we aren't yet officially engaged) feels a lot more like a marriage than my past ever did in that there is more communication, compromise on both sides, and quality time together in my current relationship.
Loved that movie btw.
I am new here so I am commenting a little late....but I understand EXACTLY what you mean and have some thoughts:
I think you can't help but have fleeting thoughts like that.
It is certainly one of the reasons my wedding will be SO different from the first (along with the fact that I am so different now)
I think that our past and all our past experiences make us who we are today....so we carry it with us in ideas, thoughts, reactions, love, memories.....and not to get all corny but that history got us to where we are right now so denying it is futile.
I was worried about this too because I have many regrets and sadness surrounding my first marriage. I wanted to be able to truly be happy when I am standing in front of Mr. Granola saying "I do" (again but forever...hello irony). So, coming to terms with the fact that those 2 things CAN coincide (the old memories and the new happiness) has been crucial for me.
My ex-husband didn't pop into my head for even one little second on my wedding day!
I am a few months later now into this and engaged and can say...the ex doesn't even cross the mind anymore!
I seriously love that movie though.
Only wierd moment I had was when my x inlaws found out last week i was engaged and asked to see my ring. Awkward!
Now that I'm on the other side, I feel compelled to comment. I'm a widow, so the anxiety and anger you have about your xh is not there for me (I know you are fine with him now and wish him all the best, I mean due to the cheating/divorce etc.)
I am older, and wiser now, and still, I was a puddle all day....happy happy tears and don't recall any "flashbacks" to speak of. My husband had no thoughts of his first marriage either, it was a wonderful celebration of our love, our commitment and we were supported fully by our amazing friends and family in attendance.
Don't worry about it, it will be all good, and new, exciting and wonderful!
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Beekeeper
Ok. One of my favorite movies is "Sweet Home Alabama". I love it. Adore it. And the scene where Reece is marrying McDreamy but is thinking of her ex H has made me wonder and worry.
I have NO residual feelings for my xh. None except wishing him well and hoping he and his w work things out well. Nothing negative anymore at all. But what I AM worried about somewhat and it may be silly is will I be having any flashback at all of my prior wedding on my REAL and new wedding day when it happens?
Be honest. I think we'd all if we've been down this road before feel this way. Have you? I think this is one reason why the wedding we'll have is totally different than the way we both did things before..you know "back then". But I don't want to even have one glimmer of a thought of what was on OUR day ya know?
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