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Not totally crazy or inappropriate as long as you TALK TO HIM about it first. If you do it and spring that on him, it might make him really upset. Seriously - be honest and talk to him about it.
Oh I'll talk to him about it most certainly, but I want to make sure I'm not completely out of my mind before even bringing it up.
it is not inappropriate. i definitely think you should talk about it but i do think it would be better if you went ring shopping together and he purchased it.
The rings I like I more stumble upon than anything- I want a sapphire ring but I happen to be very very picky, the selection of sapphire rings rarely impresses me. I don't know if ring shopping would be very successful. Typically the rings I stumble upon are estate or vintage.
it's not totally crazy - and I understand where you're coming from! BUT if he's not ready to shop for rings, maybe he's not quite ready for the engagement. I know it's hard to wait, but let him do it on his own terms. It'll be so much more special if you know that he put lots of time and effort into finding the perfect ring for you.
Not totally crazy but as the other posters have said, make sure it's in line with what your BF is comfortable with. I have had two friends buy their own rings (in both cases, the girl has a lucrative job and their now FI's are in med school with no promise of a well-paying job for several years). My FI would not have liked this at all, which is why I would say talk about it first, but it's definitely not unheard of!
Have y'all talked about this? I mentioned even going in half-sies on my ring cause I didn't want him to spend a ton of money, but it was really, really important to him to get my ring COMPLETELY by himself. But in a way, that's taking the fun away from him and I understand that now- he wanted to buy the ring because it's a huge step for both of us, not just me. It was the hardest thing to learn, and my mom had to tell me over and over, but it's not just about you- its about him too and him doing what he needs to do.
Is there a reason why he can't/shouldn't pay for your engagement ring? I think it's one thing to help him pick it out (and I totally support this)... but another to be like "here, I bought it, now I'm going to wait for you to give it to me." I think most guys would find this a little pushy, do you think your guy would be ok with this?
If it were me, letting him handle this in his own time when he was 100% ready (emotionally and mentally) would outweigh the value in us saving a few bucks on some ring.
Prettyflowers: It isn't necessarily the fact that we'd be saving a few dollars but that the rings I like are typically rather unique as well not necessarily something that is mass produced. This decision has nothing to do with finances on my part or his.
Also something to consider is that we have discussed the engagement in great detail, I know it is going to happen and I can roughly guestimate when it is going to happen (9 months-1 yearish), the only thing I don't know is how it is going to happen or exactly when (I do know it will be after this summer and think it won't be until after the new year as well) In the past year I've only found one ring that I have completely fallen in love with- and it has been sold. Also, as previously stated, I do not think that this will push up the engagement at all- we have our reasons for waiting and those are not going to change.
KMSull- That is what I think the situation is going to be like, this is just an idea *shrug*
My FI would be upset if I did this; however as you mentioned, I did fall in love with a particular ring and had my heart set on it.
I just told him that I wanted that ring and when he was ready he went out and bought it. That way it was all HIM I just chose the ring.
Maybe you could just tell him you have fallen in love with a ring (when/if you do) and he can still do it all on his own?
I understand you thinking but my vote would have to be no because I know that it would have bruised my FI's ego. It was really important to him to buy it and he loves it when I get compliments on it. In fact, I call it his engagement ring because it IS his ring. He bought it and presented it to me to wear. That being said, I don't know you, your FI, or your situation. If this is something you don't think would bother him than go for it.
Is there a way that you could buy your own ring closer to the time you will be getting engaged? I think if you buy it now it could maybe be a big, sapphire elephant in the room.
Maybe you could suggest to him to propose (when he is ready) with a "placeholder" ring and you'll pick out one together when you find the exact thing you want?
This way you avoid possibly looking pushy or making him feel pressured.
Or - give him pictures of the ones you liked and explain how specific your taste is (so he knows to get exactly this look) and he could have it custom made for you when the time comes?
I would advise against it...it could totally backfire which is of course what no one wants to happen. he'll do it when the time is right for him.
My FI wouldn't have liked this at all. He would have been disappointed in not buying the ring himself. He is SOOOOO proud of this ring and the fact that he bought it and found it. So you need to talk to him or go shopping together. I told my FI that one thing he could do was buy me a fake ring to give me on the proposal and then find ours together. But luckily we found it on a spur of the moment shopping trip.
I think that he may be offended if you try to buy the ring yourself especially since he already told you it was his thing...and you said its not financial right? So I think a good meeting point would be to go ring shopping together and you can pick it out and he pays for it or you go halfsies. and if you BOTH see some good deals go for it. But since your waiting is not because of finances I dont think that in your situation this would be the best decision.
I agree with prettyflowers 100%. I think that ring shopping together is one thing, but going out on your own, buying your own ring, and then giving it to him to propose with? That's not being proposed TO, that's practically rpoposing to him yourself. I wouldn't do it.
I think you just need to hold your horses and take things as they come. The perfect vintage or estate ring for you will be there when he decides he is ready to go ring shopping. I don't think its appropriate to buy your own ring and then basically ask someone to propose to you with it. Let him have control of this situation.
Also, if the waiting is not due to finances, it's probably because your relationship isn't at *that* point yet. Simply put, he may not be ready to be engaged. When he is, he will let you know. If he has the money now, the waiting probably has more to do with where your relationship is.
There's no rule that says you're not allowed to buy jewelry for yourself, including a ring. It just doesn't have to be called an engagement ring. If you see something you love and can afford it, why not just buy it and wear it as a normal ring?
Cinnamon Roll- the problem with that is I would never wear a ring other than an engagement ring. I already wear my promise ring on my right middle finger, and I wouldn't wear more than one ring on that hand...
Besides if I got a ring that is too similar to what I want as an engagement ring that'd just be silly- he has already said that it would be kinda pointless.
And as I said before we have OUR reasons for not being engaged right now, we are both ready- we both know what our future holds, it's not just me being crazy.
I don't think some of you quite understood, I would not be doing this behind his back and then giving him the ring and telling him to propose to me. I would talk to him about the ring, so I suppose it would kinda be like shopping together.
If you want to go shopping together, than I suggest that you talk to him about that. Ask if that is something that he would be comfortable doing. However, don't try to force him to go shopping either. He has to be totally open and ready for the experience or it will be stressful and confusing for the both of you
Okay so, bottom line is that he just needs to be made aware that you are very picky when it comes to jewelry, especially since you are a jewelry minimalist and your e-ring is going to be basically all you wear when it comes to jewelry, for the rest of your life.
I think that the conversation you should have ought to go somewhere along the lines of, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I'd really love it if you would consult me when you're ready to buy a ring so that I can have some input because I'm pretty picky about these things. If you're really not cool with that, because you want your proposal to be a surprise, then can you give me a temporary/placeholder ring when the time comes, and then we can pick one out together after we're engaged?"
The temp ring doesn't have to be anything spectacular, or even something that you'd also wear every day. You might even be able to trade it in. I totally feel you, by the way... because I am also ridiculously picky about rings and I really should probably have the exact conversation with my FF that I just reccommended to you! :)
My husband proposed without a ring, and we went shopping together after he proposed. And the money to pay for it came from my savings. I think you can do whatever is right for the two of you when it comes to your ring, but I think that he needs to be on board and totally comfortable with it too.
Talk to him and explain how you feel about rings and if you saw something you loved would he mind you buying it. See what he says. If he's okay with it then cool and if not then you know. Instead, you can look together for styles you like.
OR... suggest to him that he propose in some other way (lots of non-American cultures do this) without a ring, and you get to pick the ring out TOGETHER. That way, the timing of the proposal and the way it's done is completely up to him and there is no pressure on him because there is no ring.
My only worry would be that if he was okay with you picking out the ring and giving it to him, that you would be too antsy waiting knowing he has the ring.
I honestly wish my SO would propose without a ring and we could get one together. To me, that would be perfection.
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What if I bought my own ring? If I bought it and gave it to him and let him decide when to give it to me?
It would make me more antsy, even though I know it wouldn't make anything happen any sooner (waiting has nothing to do with finances).
But I also know that he wants the proposal to be his and I worry this will be taking away from his proposal. I worry he'll get upset or think I'm trying to be pushy, but if I find a good deal on a ring I hate seeing it get snatched up by someone else? (I've missed one ring that I lovedddd)
With that said- I don't have a particular ring in mind right now but if something comes up...
I know this is silly. Opinions?