- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
ETA: Holy crap this is way too long! I have tried to edit it.
For the past 3 or so months, FH has been working late a lot. His job has sometimes-erratic hours, but it is getting to be too much for me. We’ve had a similar issue about 18 months ago, when he first got this job, but it only lasted a month and was quickly resolved… but I’m not sure if this is just a busy time at work or if it’s a recurring problem that I should be more worried about. Plus, it’s closer to the wedding and I’m looking at everything more closely.
Lately, he’s been coming home around 8-10 pm, and going in on weekends sometimes. He’s started talking about work constantly and last Sunday during breakfast, he interrupted me mid-sentence to take a phone call from work.
We talked about this vaguely a month ago and it has barely improved. Lately I’ve had this picture in my head of me holding a screaming baby someday and getting a text message saying, “I’m going to be late…”
So we talked. I found out that he has been sleeping all morning and going into work around 12-2 every day and then putting in 8 hours. He’s also horribly disorganized, but that’s nothing new… Usually it just amounts to losing his keys all the time or something, but this job is his first real, structured job and he’s having a hard time. The subtext of everything he said basically was, “There’s a lot of change in my life and I’m trying to find a balance.”
In contrast, I tend to be hyper-organized, which is the only way in which FH and I are total opposites.
FH felt awful that this is such a major issue for me, and resolved to go into work earlier which would solve most of the problem. Also, his sleeping all the time is related to his diabetes, which has gotten worse lately.
For my part, I offered to get up early, too and make him something to eat in the mornings which would help stabilize his blood sugar. Also, we plan to exercise more which would give us both a lot more energy.
FH made it clear that I am most important to him, and that this is specifically related to the difficulties he’s having with this new-ish job and not a lifelong, workaholic-type thing. The last time we dealt with this, last year, we were just dating. But the wedding is 3 months away and what I could handle a year ago seems so MAJOR right now.
I’ll admit that I grew up the daughter of a workaholic who made it very clear that his home life was not as important as his job, and I’m terrified of repeating that.
I’ve also had little “engagement freak-outs” at every wedding planning milestone, like taking one random issue and worrying if it’s temporary or FOREVER. Each time, it turned out to be nothing. But clearly, this one has gotten to me more.
He’s off today, so we’ll start the getting-up-early thing on Monday, but I still feel anxious. I feel he is sincere, I’m happy with the way we dealt with this issue last night, and relieved to have it in the open. I like the solution we came up with. But what if it somehow doesn’t work?
I don’t know how much of this is just a temporary thing (ie., trying to find a work/life balance), and how much of it is a serious issue? How will I know? How do I deal with the anxiety in the meantime?