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There have been some of these threads before, I thought perhaps we should bring it back!
Dear boss:
Once in a while, I actually manage to have a brainwave or two and do things correctly. I know. I'm shocked too.
In all seriousness, I am not an idiot and I am actually a contributing member of this organization. Hence the 20% raise at my last review. You don't need to criticize every.single.thing. You really don't need to criticize when something is already perfect. There's no need to purse your mouth and wait for something to come to you and then, no matter how absurd it is, let me know how displeased you are.
Like the font. Our firm standard is Heveltica 10. Everything I have ever submitted is in Heveltica 10.
You don't have to tell me I did something well or compliment me. I realize it would be too difficult for you so let's compromise. When I do a great job on something instead of making up things to criticize let's just say "Thanks." and leave it at that.
Dear weather,
ENOUGH ALREADY! Quit with the rain, thunder and bulls--t and let's just have some sunshine!
That is all.
Sincerely,
Sparkle
Dear U.S Consulate in Montreal,
Please let this last leg of our Visa Process go smoothly. Accept the info that I have pretty please? Let's be honest, what you are asking for is above and beyond what is needed and just makes you look silly.
And no, I have not forgotten that you hold my fate in your hands.
Thank-you,
PrettyinPink
You know, I think that actually made me feel a wee bit better :D
Dear office tower built in 1971:
I hear you creaking protest and soft swaying to the super strong wind outside. I know that your windows are supposed to shudder like that, but you're making my stomach turn.
Could you please cut it out until I leave the bowels of your 21st floor in an hour and a half?
Merci,
Sincerely,
111
I do love these threads when they come about :)
Dear Bridesmaids,
You have had 6 months to order your dresses. Wedding is in 100 days. DO IT ALREADY!!! I am kinda freaking out.
Your pal,
Brenna
Dear FI,
I love you and I can't wait to marry you in 3 days!
Love,
Me
Dear Clock,
Today is my last day at work before our wedding and I would really appreciate it if you could move a little faster so I could get the hell out of here.
Thanks.
Dear Stores,
Screw you for not having the cargo pants I wanted in FI's size. :P
Dear people that should know better,
My grandmother was just put in the ground yesterday....how about not asking me to do stupid shit for you just yet. I've barely been functional since Sat when we lost her. This is my first day to work this week. So, why OH why would you think that asking me stupid shit is a good idea????? You are grown and can handle life without me holding your hand for just a couple days! And don't ever EVER reference me losing my grandmother and your experience with death as " Been there done that", sorry but that's not showing sympathy that's you being a dumbass.
That is all.
Dear FIs Parents,
Please stop telling us you are going to help with some of the wedding costs if you have no intention or means to do so. It's okay with me that we are paying for so much ourselves, but every time you give me hope that you're going to send something and then don't, it's a let down.
Also, traveling to our wedding via cross country motorcycle trip, instead of a plane, is a terrible idea. Forget the odd sun and wind burns you're bound to have, and forget the fact you'll be dancing bow-legged. FI does not want to worry about you two getting lost, delayed, or killed in an accident days before or after our wedding. It's a wonderful idea, but this is not the time or destination.
Other than that, we cannot wait to see you soon!
Love,
FDIL
Dear 20 year old self,
Why did you ever think Six Feet Under was good? Stop watching reruns of this pretentious show and get back to work!
Dear Wedding:
You are a major pain in my ass. I hate you.
Signed,
Wanting-to-elope
Dear Unnamed Friend:
Stop being so annoying! Yes it's great that you and your boyfriend are finally dating after months of hearing you whine about not being together, but you act like you're 15 and so immature. You need to grow up! Also, stop sneaking around. You guys are 24 years old!!!!! And I don't need to hear every detail about your intimate moments. My FI would KILL me if I told anyone what happens in our private time!!!!! Plus I don't really care.
Signed,
Annoyed with you
Dear My Boss,
It has been 2 years since my last raise, i know you keep telling me your hands are tied and there is nothing you can do about it but i also know that is total BS because my best friend ( who used to work for you too ) seriously dates a Director in another department and he said he gave out $20k in raises last month. if i dont get a raise when i hit 3 years in may you may lose someone you really cant afford to lose.
thanks for nothing.
Me
(*i know i should be lucky to have a job period - i just dont like being lied to - Just tell me No you arent getting a raise before you make up lies)
Dear Deliverymen,
There is a very clear sign on our door telling you to walk ten metres to the right to the service entrance for all deliveries. Don't act like I'm a jerk just because you lugged a giant box up the stairs only for me to tell you to head straight back down to the service entrance and ring the little bell. Learn to read, then we'll talk. Kthxbai.
Sincerely,
Not The Person Who Needs To Sign For Your Stupid Package
Dear Other People Who Want To Talk To People Downstairs,
Yes, I know the door is locked. Yes, I know there is a sign saying come talk to the receptionist upstairs. However, I am not a receptionist. Stop making a beeline for me just because I'm a girl. You want to talk to my male co-worker who, incidentally, has the closer desk to the stairs.
Thanks for reminding me that gender stereotyping is alive and well,
The Accountant
Dear Cake,
Why do you tempt me so?!
Sincerely,
Craving Carbs
Dear Cat,
Please stop scratching me just because you want to play. I don't need to look like a striped tiger walking down the aisle with tons of scars. If you do not cease and desist as the wedding draws closer, you will go live with Grandma until after the honeymoon.
Love,
Mommy
Dear Boss,
It's my first year here and I won our school a $120,000 grant to start an awesome new program. Our executive director designed the grant budget, including my salary for next school year. It wasn't cool when you lowered said salary by $5k to "fit the pay scale".
Sincerely,
Free money and labor
Dear mega-ultra-super-power-redonkulous-ball winning lottery numbers,
Please come out of hiding and reveal yourselves to me.
Sincerely,
Broke and Tired of It
Dear Winter,
I am sorry to have to tell you that I no longer want to be around you. Since Christmas ended I feel that things have gone cold between us and I think its best that we go our seperate ways. This also means you will have to move out. I will wait patiently but its just about May now and its already starting to get to me. I have a new roomate named Summer planning to move in anytime now, which is awesome because I hear hes hot. So I would appreciate it if you would pack up all your snow and LEAVE.
All the best. (I know I know you will be back in 5 months anyway...)
C.
PIC taken APRIL 28, 2011
I love these threads!
Dear Reproductive System,
Please get your $h!# together and get me pregnant already, I really want to be a mommy now.
Kisses and butterflies,
Impatient PL
Dear Ex-BFF:
Sorry you weren't the MOH at my wedding, just a "lowly" BM. Sorry you're so petty you can't let it go, even though I asked you to sing TWICE during the ceremony and first dance and there's entire videos of Just. You. at MY wedding. Sorry you're still with your emotionally abusive boyfriend (again) cause you need the attention, and that everyone hates him because he's awful.
Most of all, I'm sorry we're not friends anymore, but I can't be your caretaker, psychologist, doctor, unloading dock, policewoman, and rock anymore. You're going to have to grow up a little and stand on your own feet, and live with the consequences of your own decisions. When's the last time you asked me about MY life?
Oh right... Never.
Whew, that feels better!
Dear annoying undergrad,
If you just spend the past 14 weeks not showing up or caring about my class, why do you think there is a snowballs chance in hell that I will give you "extra credit" just so you can pass my class? I am sorry you planned on graduating next week, but hey, lets face it - if you are graduating, you are supposed to be "grown up" now. If you absolutely positvely needed to pass my class in order to graduate, maybe you should have planned on showing up every once in a while during the semester. You will have to graduate in August, and no, that won't mean the world will end.
Signed,
Annoyed Prof
(Man, that felt good!)
Dear FMIL,
Could you please stop being a closeminded bitch and accept your son for who he chose to marry. I am well educated, funny and pretty bad ass which you would know if you pulled that stick from up your ass.
p.s. that MUST be causing harm to vital organs!
Dear EX friend,
I am glad we don't speak anymore. I have been nothing but loving and caring and understanding. I even defended you when people were less than plesant. In the end, i am glad to be bereft of the drama.
Dear Irritating cousins and inlaws to be,
I do not want cake in my face at the wedding. I saved my christmas bonus and my income tax return to pay for this darn cake and I want to eat it. It's gourmet wedding cake. Eat the cake, don't throw it - what are you, monkeys?
@MrsNeutrino: Dear EX friend...
AMEN! I just vented about my ex-bff and truly, I'm so glad to be rid of the neverending drama.
Dear body,
I hate you and your fluctuations in weight. I've tried and worked so hard to get myself where I was in 2008-2010. Now I feel like I'm back at square one. I'm so emotionally worn out over this. I'm done.
Sincerely,
Discouraged Desi
Dear Random Customer,
Please stop acting so high and mighty. I am not scum for being a cashier. I can do better, but with the economy being as it is, work is impossible to find. So cut me some slack. If you see me with a line, don't start clicking your tongue like a chicken and then storm off as though you've suddenly become 2 years old!
Signed,
A frustrated cashier
Dear love of my life,
STOP.BEING.SO.CLUELES. Thanks
Dear Perfect House -
Where are you? I promise that I will be a good homeowner. I will decorate you and paint you, so you look shiny and new.
Yours truly,
Coffeegal
@ItsPronounced_ABear: Get your cat's nails clipped at the vet! It's amazing how dull they can get their nails so they can't scratch you. We just had one of our cat's nails clipped and I finally had no scratches all over me! Although now her nails are getting sharp again, and the wedding's coming up!!! I recommend getting them clipped maybe 2 or 3 weeks before your wedding! :)
Dear Horrible Drivers,
I hate when you tailgate. It is rude and dangerous. Esp. to the girl today who was tailgating me while smoking a cigarette and texting!!!
Signed,
A good driver
Dear People Who Stare In Stores:
This beautiful child with me, isn't weird and doesn't have a lack of manners. When he flops his hands around, he is happy, not trying to annoy you. When he yells random loud things he is trying to communicate with you, not scare you. And when he throws a tantrum its not because he isn't parented correctly, it's because his lack of impulse control and his lack of sensory input are getting too much for him. Most importantly just because he is 10 years old and doesn't use full sentences does not mean he is dumb or as your ignorant ass puts it, "retarded." He is Autistic. He is a beautiful and pure spirit, which is rare. He will never be tainted by your mean words. But I will. Try understanding before judging and looking like an ignorant asshole.
Thanks,
The Nanny
Dear God,
I don't ask you for much, but can you please make it sunny on my wedding day? This is the only wedding I'm gonna have, and I really want to have the ceremony outside.
Dear meteorologists,
Can you please stop changing the weather forecast for May 6th every hour? It's driving me crazy how it goes from "sunny" to "cloudy" to "thunderstorms all day." Let's just go with "sunny" and give me piece of mind.
Dear sushi buffet,
Can you please stop having the crab cake tempura rolls and tempura-battered cinnamon-sugar bananas? I'm gonna have to work out for hours tonight! But seriously, don't really get rid of them. They are delicious and worth it :)
Thanks!
Pomapoo
Dear FMIL,
I know your looking at my best interest but I am really tired of you indirectly telling me about weight loss products to use before the wedding. I am not overweight, i have never been overweight and apprently your son doesnt think so either.
Not every one can be as thin as you or devote 2hours to the gym a day.
Signed,
FDIL with a life.
Dear Maid of Honor:
I'm sorry that you are SO offended that I am doing an adult only ceremony and reception and your children aren't invited. Wait, no I'm not sorry!! It's MY day that I have been waiting SEVEN years for and I AM NOT SORRY FOR WANTING TO DO THINGS MY WAY. YOU should be helping me out with things, not causing me more stress!!! I am walking on eggshells wondering what I'm even allowed to say to you anymore. And I'm not sorry either that I put my foot down and said no I don't want your children bridesmaid dress shopping with us either. And before anyone thinks I am a child-hating troll, I have two of my own and know how inconveniant they are when you are running through the mall trying to get a hundred things done and you have to stop for food/drink/diaper changes etc. In summary, it's my day and I'm doing it my way and if you have a problem with it, kindly step down instead of causing me misery!!! You should be happy for me!!!
Dear Legs:
You're being lame the last two days. It's frustrating. Stop hurting so badly. You act like you've never done a work out before. No one can get me up and down stairs but you, so lets get better at that. Stop being such wimps ok?
Yours Truly,
The rest of your body.
Dear Boss:
Stop walking past my office every GD 5 minutes checking up on me. My legs hurt today and I don't really feel like moving them and that's creating a little lack in productivity today. Get over it.
Sincerely,
I love my job!....
Dear Wedding:
I wish you were easier and free. I wish I was not soooo stressed out about you. Please get easier.
Always yours,
TWIST!
I've got a few...people are annoying me today.
Dear guy in my office playing music:
Yes, we all know you have an Ipad and are the only one in the office with one. That doesn't give you the right to play crappy 70's music all day long. Turn it off. It sucks.
Dear everyone in my office:
I am not your personal maid. Put your damn cups in the dishwasher and your garbage goes in the garbage can. Also, stop making a full pot of coffee at 4:30. I just emptied a $5 pot of Starbucks coffee so you could have a half a freaking cup. Stop wasting good coffee!!!
Dear Tampa traffic:
You suck. Get out of my way so I can make it home in less than 2 hours. And by the way, learn how to merge. It's not that freaking difficult.
Sincerely,
Having a bad day
Dear FI,
Please stop laughing at me when I tell you how scared I am in the house when you're gone from work M-F every week. I know it's kind of like a nervous laugh and you probably don't mean it, but it's incredibly inappropriate and rather hurtful. I'm telling you I'm afraid in our home and you're laughing. Frown face.
xoxo, Future Wifey
Dear waist line,
Please proceed with your immediate shrinkage. Anytime is good, but the sooner the better.
Thanks, Future Wedding Dress
Dear boss,
Giving us a 2% raise (our first in 3 years) and then telling us that "your costs are rising" and "don't spend it all in one place" kinda negates any good feelings I had about the meager gesture of the raise in the first place. Just say "Thanks for a great year. Wish this could've been more, but here is a small token of my appreciation." 'Cause guess what- your raise doesn't cover MY rising cost of gas to get to the office, and considering it's about $20 more per paycheck.. I really don't know how NOT to spend that in one place.
Also, please stop being so secretive. My coworker and I KNOW you're in Hawaii with one of your business (and I hate to think what else) partners, even though you're pretending to just be "out of touch" this week. And you wonder why we get suspicious about your plans for the company?
I, for one, am starting to get my resume up to date and am going to start looking for jobs elsewhere. Between the hypocriticalness effecting my attitude & work ethic and the lack of money effecting our ability to start a family.. or even function on a better than paycheck to paycheck level, I'm really not sure how much longer I can stay here.
Signed,
Defeated
Dear Donald Trump,
Get over it, it doesnt matter.
-jay0hwhy
Dear life,
Please can you find some resembelance of balance? I am sick of crying every other day, sick of feeling sick and sick of feeling sick of everything else! I didn't spend 20 minutes trying three times to write a post on WB for nothing so.... yeah see? I cant even write a letter to you about writing a post.... ugh I need to go back to bed.
from a very confused and lost feeling ME.
Dear Sun,
Please make an appearance today. I'm kinda sick of endless rain right now. Ok... maybe i'm not but can we have some sun-shiney rainy days please?
Love, Fed Up With Grey.
Dear Cousin,
What is wrong with taking pretty photos of my engagment ring? I didn't post them on FB for you, I posted them for my mother. Commenting "WTF?" and then saying "Ohh kay then :S" after I explain isnt a nice thing to do, it just makes me feel like an idiot. Oh and I know you're pregnant again but not everyone is out to get you. There are actually some very nice people out there. I'm sorry everyone gives you a hard time, it isnt because you act like a bitch at all.
from the cousin who is tired of your constant negative "F*** you ppl, i'm pregnant!" FB posts.
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