Something's different about our relationship.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

Have you approached him to talk without being aggressive?

Sorry, it sounds like there is a lot that is left unsaid, or maybe there is nothing else. What is the situation like when you try to kiss him? Do you guys still spend quality time together? The only strange thing is him not wanting to be affectionate, but without knowing the situation it’s hard to judge if it’s understandable or not. Maybe he’s not feeling loved and has a hard time being physical with you when he’s dealing with his own emotions (maybe related to his unemployment). 

The other incident sounds like you had your own feelings that you projected onto him, then found an excuse to flip out, which just pushed you apart. 

Post # 4
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Anon041315:  Honestly, Just sit him down and have a nice long chat with him. Maybe that will make things a little better

 

Post # 5
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee

@Anon041315: I’m so incredibly sorry you’re going through this! I’d be furious about a sexy picture from an opposite sex friend too. Just give it a few days to cool off, and then say, “honey, I’d like to talk to you tomorrow night at 9pm to talk about our relationship, and how I’m feeling.” 

That way you’re not completely blindsiding him, and he’s prepared to share his feelings and gather his thoughts.

Then, when that time comes, remember to use the ‘I feel,” “I think” kind of words so it seems like you are not attacking him.

 

Just remember, that there’s a million chapters in life, and in a relationship. Not all of them are good. But do remember that each chapter will come to an end, and that this snapping at each other, terrible feelings will end eventually.

Post # 7
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Anon041315:  It may feel like that now, but there are always bumps in the road. This is just a bump in the road on the way to your destination.

Post # 8
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee

You need to lean back and leave him alone.  Not forever, but it sounds like he needs some space to figure his stuff out.  Men process things differently than women.  As women, we love to talk things out with our friends and get a discussion going, and through it all figure out what it is we’re feeling.  Men are NOT wired this way.  If they’re struggling with something, they’ll back away either into their man caves or throw themselves into work or a project, and it’s through either being alone or working on something that they figure things out.

I know it feels bad to feel the emotional distance and not know everything that’s going on inside his head.  But if you truly love this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him, you need to learn how men work ASAP — otherwise you’ll stress yourself out over nothing and push him away even further.  If you keep pressing him to talk to you, and are constantly hounding him with a “needy” vibe where you’re constantly wanting/needing something from him (i.e. reassurances, attention, physical touch, talks, approval, etc.)  you will push him even further from you.

If you KNOW your FI is not cheating on you and is just dealing with some “stuff” than stop trying to make things better all the time.  Whenever you try to make things “better” it’s actually making you behave in ways that’s f*ing up your situation even more (i.e. snooping through his phone and creating that huge fight over nothing)   It is normal to have emotional distance at times in the relationship.  This is why it’s SO important that you have a life outside of your FI and your relationship, so that you have things that make you happy and feel passionate about so that you’re not hyper focused on him and what he is/isn’t doing, and ultimately losing yourself and who you are independent of him.  

It’s NORMAL to feel anxious, depressed, irritable, etc. when you have a big transition coming up in your life like marriage.  So Leave. Him. Be.  Go out there and do things that make you happy and busy, and when your FI is ready he’ll come around all on his own.

Post # 9
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Anon041315:  I too would be very offended and upset over that snapchat. Don’t apologize for your reaction– things arent okay between the two of you and there’s contact with another girl. Do these people regularly stay in contact? Messages common between the two of them? You reacted the way you did because you instinctively felt that it was wrong– do not ignore your gut feelings or apologize for ‘snooping’ when he’s clearly withdrawn. I’d try to get to the bottom of things as well, especially if he isn’t talking. 

Again, if my husband was sent a photo of a girl begging him to meet her out, I’d be livid if it was something ‘hidden’ from me. I’m sorry bee 🙁 And I dont mean to be the negative nancy, things just seem strange.

Post # 13
Member
868 posts
Busy bee

@Anon041315:  I’m worried for you. This is how my SO acted right before we broke up( minus the snapchat part) I would actually suggest maybe you talk to a counsellor yourself and get their opinion. it doesn’t sound like he would be willing to go.  I hope this works out for you:)

Post # 15
Member
2882 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Are you guys getting any pre marital counciling? If not, do.  A third party person sound like just what you need. 

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