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Today I just feel like pulling my hair out. I've worked my @$$ off all week at work and then most of the weekend cleaning house and my husband is being a bum. He's been playing this stupid computer game and asking me to take care of additional chores on top of what I already am doing. To top it off, he's telling me that I can't spend some of my paycheck on an ipad. I feel like I've worked incredibly hard lately (it's our busy time at work) and I'd like a reward for busting my butt. It isn't as though we can't afford it, he just doesn't think it's a necessity (which is true, it's just a want).
Makes me absolutely crazy.
tell him the ipad is your payment for the housework lol ...
but there may be a new one coming out soon so you may want to wait
Get your iPad, you will love it! Tell him your using your tax return to get it
@apex: my DH does the same thing. he lays around all weekend and I do everything! But DH will let me spend what I want on stuff. However, we discuss all purchases. Its usually me that wont let him get stuff. :D
Ugh, I feel you. My husband and I just had a 20 minute fight over a tuna sandwich.
What's his reasoning for not spending money on an ipad? Is there something else you guys need to spend it on?
Oh heck no, girl. You better stomp on him being bossy real quick. DH works and I'm at home, so I take care of the household chores. We have a deal that I'll do the cooking and cleaning, but he has to keep his mouth shut about how I'm doing it. If he really needs that stuff done, tell him to shut down the computer and help. It's unacceptable for him to be sitting on his butt and ordering you around while you are doing things around the house.
As for the iPad.... I kind of agree with your hubby. Even though it's your paycheck, it's a MASSIVE purchase and he has every right to have an issue with you spending $600+ on something. DH and I discuss any purchase over $100. Right now, DH wants a drumset. We have a deal that certain conditions have to be met and then we can seriously consider him buying one. Why not strike a deal with him? Compromise, especially on money matters, is very important.
I'm having a "sometimes marriage sucks" day too. We are in the early stages of buying a home and it's incredibly stressful. Days like this make me miss my old single life just a little tiny bit! That probably doesn't help but just wanted you to know you're not alone!
I just completely disagree on the notion of can we afford it. I say yes, he says no. He got a 55" flat screen TV for Christmas... it's really pissing me off that we could afford that but not an ipad. It makes me feel like he's doing this as a control thing more than anything. But the real annoyance is than he's being a mega bum. It's been going on for a few months, ever since he started playing this ridiculous game.
My advice? screw the iPad. Get an Android! So much better and cheaper too! lol. You deserve it.
@Ms Hedgehog: I agree too! My brother just got an Android tablet and it's the coolest freaking thing!
I read that ipad 3 is coming out in March. My suggestion is wait and either get the ipad 3 or get a discount on an ipad 2.
@apex: We got in a HUGE fight over the computer games last week...he is now only allowed to play 2 games a day because he literally played all day for 3 days, and any other free moment he had for weeks and I never did anything with him. I think you need to have a conversation about the games before you blow up with anger as I did. [I am also waiting on an iPad it was supposed to be a gift like going on 10 months ago..:( ]
@bestbuddies: I got Mr. Hedgie one for graduation and I had searched for MONTHS switching back bewteen iPods and Android Tablets. In the end, Androids were cheaper, had MUCH better features, far less kinks and issues, and could be used as an awesome e-reader with free apps like the Nook and the Kindle. Plus a bajillion more reasons why they are better.
I could be biased but, if you are thinging about an iPad, check out Android too. They are so cool I don't even want to let him use his own gift!
@Ms Hedgehog: Plus, you can buy an Android knowing that it's going to be more easily upgradable and not made obsolete by the next model that the company already has in production and waiting to roll out 6 months later.
iPads have free apps for E-readers as well. I have the kindle app that will sync with both my iPhone and iPad.
lol I had an android phone before I got an iphone and I just hated it. It ran slowly, the apps were terrible, and it froze alot. Granted, this was a cell phone and not a tablet, but it definitely left a bad taste in my mouth.
Already having an iphone, all my pictures, music, books, games, apps, etc., are in itunes so it'd just be easier from that standpoint to have it all together and not crossing platforms.
lol, that's his other argument, that I have an iphone, why would I need an ipad? I'm planning to use it in lieu of my laptop (which has been trying to die for about a year now, I've had it for 6+ years) rather than replacing my laptop when it does give out. I haven't written papers or created complicated spreadsheets or anything since college.
When BOTH people work, then BOTH people should contribute to household upkeep. I totally refuse to accept all responsibility for hosehold upkeep simply because I was born with an uterus and have told FH as such. Still, on days off HE sat on the couch while I work my butt off playing catch-up. Well SCREW that. Since I do the majority of the cooking, I keep the kitchen clean. I keep the bathroom clean too as it would truly bug me otherwise. And I clean-up after the cats. Other than that, I no longer do any housework unless he is doing it as well and at the same time. He didn't take me seriously at first.
Then it was tme for his parents to come over for a Sunday dinner. Although it drove me crazy, I did NOTHING in terms of tidying up the house. I told FH that I was too busy preparing a fabulous meal to clean. Finally, the day before, he realized I was serious and he began cleaning. Vacuuming rugs, sweeping and mopping the hardwood floors, dusting -- the whole nine yards. Was he happy? Hell no! Did he do a good job? Hell no! Can I live with a less-tan-perfectly clean house and have more time to do what I want? HELL YES!!!!!
I also buy whatever I want for myself, as long as it does not interfere with the bills getting paid.
That's exactly what I do. My husband calls it my big iPhone. But it works out so well. I only miss having a laptop maybe twice a year when I have to fill out a form or something online that the iPad has trouble with. Otherwise I love it!
@apex: True. However, my Dad has the iPad 2 and Mr. Hedgie has the new Android Tablet and I gotta say, even my dad sold his new iPad once he got ahold of Mr. Hedgies Tablet. And he said all the same things as you as to why he was getting a iPad rather than a tablet.
@apex: go to the apple store, get your iPad and when he sees you with it, he'll jump out of his chair!!
Seriously though, don't pick any of his stuff! i do that when my husband is being lazy. he gets the point and starts picking up after himself.
lol, he'd be so pissed if I just went and did it anyway.
That's the advice I always hear, to not pick up after him but I just hate living in a filthy house. If the dishes aren't done or laundry is stacked up, it stresses me out. :(
I would say grow up, be a husband aka a man and get off the games. When your wife is completely satisfied, and she doesn't want anything to do with you, then you can play your games ;)
@apex: This. Exactly.
I'm actually in the tablet industry - granted I'm in the business grade (not consumer), I have had nothing but bad experiences with Android. Every I know loves their Android for about 1-2 months, then it just gets so slow and bogged down. It's buggy as well. My coworker just told me the other day he has to hard reset his phone about once a month due to it.
If you do get an Android, stay away from Samsung. They are known to not put out updates or at least delay on them. I'd go with HTC.
Or wait until Windows 8 comes out and buy a tablet then. I'd love a Windows based tablet based off their new Phone OS. If you've used Windows Phone, you'd know they did a great job with it. Once more apps come out for Windows Phone, I'll be selling my iPhone.
But on topic - you need to discuss the game problem, or it's going to get worse. DH and I have had similar issues, except with him working 24/7. He has his own business on top of a full time job, so he's always busy. We do not demand each other to do things, and we each have our own chores. He has to vacuum and empty the dishwasher, plus when I tell him to put his clothes away, he has to get up and do it then, not delay. He still gets snippy about this sometimes, but I remind him I just washed and folded everything, and if he wants to leave them out, then I'm not folding the next set (I fold on top of the dryer).
Hopefully you can work something out, as it isn't fair for him to be bossing you around. The only time I'd do all the house work is if I didn't have a full time job. One other thing we have is that I cook dinner and he cleans up. He isn't much of a cook, so this works out. Sometimes I end up cleaning up, so in exchange I request a backrub. Seems like a fair trade to me!
Oh goodness..I feel your frustration because that's pretty much how my household is but he has NO say on what I spend my money on, what so ever. That's going a little over board. But like a PP said...I do all of the chores, and that is pretty much understood. We both work full time but he works an average of 60-70 hours whereas I work an even 40-45. I'm not the best at keeping everything clean, tidy, cooked and put away lol. But I swear if he mumbles one thing about something not being done, he can do it himself!!! lol Men are so frustrating sometimes.
Refuse to do the extra chores & tell him to get up off his ass and do them himself.
Why doesn't he want you to buy an iPad?
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Why on earth are you doing all the chores? Write out a list of evrything that must be done and halve it doen the middle- if he refuses, tell him he needs to use his extra money for hire a cleaner, then buy yourslef an Ipad.
Pssst....I don't think this has anything to do with being married! :P
But yes, that would piss me off, too. Nip it in the bud, lady!
@Eva Peron: I am so reading this to DH and going to see what he says. Too bad he is too invoved with his computer games to listen to me right now....
Um, wow, if Mr. LK ever told me to do chores while he sat on his rump, he'd be finding out what it means to sleep on the couch until he started singing the right tune. That is downright rude and disrespectful. You need to call him out on his childish, rude, and selfish behavior before he starts thinking tht you are okay with it. Don't lie there like a doormat and let him walk all over you.
My husband definitely isn't into housework, and I know that there's no more frustrating feeling than to be cleaning the home that you both live in while he's on the computer/watching TV/playing video games. I'm still trying to conquer this one. If it were up to him, the apartment would never get cleaned. But I just can't live like that!
@Gemstone: Neither of us is "into" housework either, but you do it because you're a grown up! OP, have you told him he needs to help out? Did you live together before you were married and was he like this or did this start after the wedding?
I would not be cool with this. DH and I do the same amount of housework because we both work full time. Before we came to this agreement I had a small meltdown about doing too much stuff, but it took one discussion to change our routine and we've never gone back. I still do all the grocery shopping and cooking, but DH cleans up after me every night and picks up the house every day.
And while he should have a say in a big purchase like an Ipad, what is his reason for saying no? Is it just because HE doesn't need/want one? Or can you truly not afford it? I think he should understand that because of his expensive TV purchase, you are 'next' in line for something big and once you can afford it it's yours!
@MrsAu: I am SO glad I'm not the only one who gets into fights about video games! I feel ridiculous to fight over something so petty, but it's ridiculous that they spend so much (wasted!) time on them... ugh!
Unfortunately it takes me being crabby (read: nagging wife) to get him to do chores. He will help, however, it's when he feels like it after I've nagged him about it. It's always been like this, just exacerbated now that I'm worked 55+ hours a week. Before when we both worked 40-45 it wasn't a huge deal. I still got annoyed about it occasionally but now that I'm working 55+ and he's working 40-45, it's more frustrating. I don't want to spend the limited amount of leisure time I have arguing with him, cleaning, and cooking. But thank goodness these extended hours are only til April 15th :)
@apex: Since he doesn't want to do housework, tell him you will look for a housekeeper to help w/ the housework. And its coming out of his fun money.
And if he doesn't want you to get the IPad, find the most expensive Apple laptop and tell him that you want it instead. Believe me, the IPad will be cheaper.
And the video game obsession is just beyond me. I try to limit DH to so many hours when he's off of work. Doesn't always work but @ least he's not buying new games. He only can borrow. Hell, if I use the library, you can borrow from your friends.
@apex: My DH and I had a similar conversation about his computer gaming last week! It had been making me sooo mad for three weeks that it seemed like every spare second he was on the game. I had tried talking to him about it a couple times and finally got fed up, made him sit down with me, and told him straight up that I was unhappy. I told him that his balance was off and that he was neglecting me. I was very stern lol. He's been great about limiting it to about an hour a day since our convo and he's started picking up on his end of the household chores. I think all we needed was a serious talk about how we were both feeling. As for the Ipad...eh, we have shared finances so I personally see it as "our" money even if one of us is working more hours than the other, so it isn't something I would do. To each her own though :)
@Eva Peron: I agree. DH used to be a huge gamer but now he only does it when I'm out or I need a moment of mental sanity and want to be by myself for an afternoon. ;) I don't think there's anything wrong with gaming but it sounds like your hubby may be taking it too far if he's slacking on other things.
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