Post # 1
Out of our large group of friends our age, my now-husband and I were the first ones engaged. What should have been a happy time was actually a really depressing, frustrating one. My friends that were with their boyfriends longer made my life hell, and I had massive drama that led to three bridesmaids dropping out because of (which I found out after the wedding) turned out to be some massive jealousy on their parts and their goal to “destroy my wedding”. My now-husband’s friends generally avoided us and said “it was all his fault that their girlfriends are starting to bitch them out about getting married”
After all the drama, we went on to have a great wedding, but wedding planning and the excitement that came with it, never materialized for us. No one was happy for us, except our parents.
Now that some of my friends are getting engaged, I am so so happy for them, but am sad at the amount of excitement and happiness everyone else seems to have for them. I would never begrudge anyone excitement during their engagement or say any of this to them, but everytime I have to go to someone’s third engagement party, I feel a little sad.
It’s a dumb feeling, I know. I just needed to get it off my chest.
Post # 3
Oy. It sounds to me like you both have some really terrible “friends” and I’m sorry they put you through that. I have only two friends who were engaged/married before us; we’re the first among most of our friends and there’s been nothing but happiness and genuine excitement.
I guess the best you can do is take the high road and be happy for your friends. You’re married and have what I hope is a wonderful life with your husband – that’s what really matters in the long run 🙂
Post # 4
Yeah, I realized a lot of them aren’t so great after all. My marriage is amazing and that’s what it’s all about, but sometimes the petty feelings creep in. I would never admit them to anyone close to me, so that’s why I took my feelings to the Bee. haha
I am extremely happy for all my friends and their planning, so hopefully I can help make up for what happened when we got engaged.
Post # 5
@leebaby711: Hi girlie!! I’ve been looking for photos of your wedding up here!!
I rememebr your posts and how my blood pressue would raise for you!! I’m so glad those 3 bridesmaids left. That is horrible they were jealous enough to screw up your one special day :-/
Wedding planning was a paid in the arse for me too. I cried more times than smiled. My relationship with female family members were altered.
Just concentrate on the fact that planning is all for the wedding day, and that day was perfect of you, just as it was for me. The planning you will forget. The pictures of your perfect day will last forever.
Try to be thankful for the perfect day 🙂
Post # 6
I know, I need to post pictures. I am so bad at that. Thank you for remembering!
Yes, those old posts make me want to cringe. I can’t believe I let them get the best of me. I am soooo relieved I didn’t have to deal with any of their drama on the wedding day, and my wedding pictures don’t have people in them that I’d want to edit out.
I’m so sorry to hear your wedding planning wasn’t that great either. I am so happy to be married and the wedding was amazing, but the planning I’d like to erase from my memory if that was possible haha I have a few friends planning now, and they are so estastic and everyone is so happy, I thought there was something wrong with me at first that I wasn’t like that.
I loved my day though, and you’re right, I should focus on that. I just needed to vent, it felt a lot better once I wrote out how I was feeling. Maybe I need to invest in a diary again lol
Post # 7
@leebaby711: So did your parents ever come to the wedding? How didyou find out those 3 wanted to ruin your day? Do they still try to contact you?
I’m a brat and would have posted pix all over FB for them to see….but then again I am kinda vengeful
Post # 8
@leebaby711: I’m with you on this one. I’m the first engaged out of my friends and only my parents/two or three closest ones are happy about it, as well as my professors :/ go figure lol. The only people there for FH are his co-workers and my family.
I understand what you mean about happiness never materializing, about people being jealous and petty and trying to ruin your happiness (whatever happiness you CAN have with all the pain and stupidness around you!). It’s sad. 🙁
How did you deal with this at the wedding? Just wondering. I want a day that sounds somewhat like yours was…. little drama and something I’ll actually want to remember or look back on in pictures and be happy at least FH and I had a special evening of it.
Post # 9
Weddings can bring out the best and unfortunetly the worst in people.
Ive really figured out who my “true” friends are through this process, and I still have 10 months to go.
Post # 10
That is really sad. :/ Not trying to assume you should share my friend philosophy, but why are you guys still “friends” with people that would act/treat you guys like that? It’s none of their business how long you chose to date, and even if they were miffed there is absolutely NO excuse for subsequently trying to ruin a wedding. I’m sorry but that is just bitchy. I wouldn’t associate at all with people like that.
ETA: I agree with Bostongrl25 though that people really show their TRUE colors…meaning I wouldn’t give anyone a pass on that behvior. I’ve had a friendship end during this process because I realized I was being taken advantage of in lots of ways.
Post # 12
Yes, my parents finally came to their senses, and came to my wedding, drama-free. I was amazed at how much everyone lost their mind during my wedding. My wedding coordinator was like wow, you’re so calm, and I was like wellll someone has to be! lol
I had a friend of a friend tell me that they held a celebration party at a local bar the day of my wedding and spent the whole night trashing me and hoping my wedding was a disaster like they hoped. I mean I’m not that great, why would you dedicate a whole night talking about me? lol I laughed it off, because it really just boggled my mind.
I’m not so vengeful, but sometimes I wish it was.
Post # 13
aw thats so sad..yeap most people cant even stand your happiness…especially when you thought they were your real friends.. you are married; thats all that matters; hope you feeling better
Post # 14
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through something similar. It’s unfortunate that a time that should be full of ridiculously happy times, isn’t so great. My best advice is to focus on the people that DO care about you and are happy for, yes, even your professors! haha I had one friend who I wasn’t so close with, that saved the day and threw me a second bach party after my friends ruined the first one. There’s a picture of her jumping up and down during our first dance so excited. She was a great source of happiness, I kick myself for not realizing what a great friend she was before this.
For your wedding day, I would focus on your marriage- you’re becoming someone’s wife. That’s all that went through my head that day- after all the drama, tears, and sadness- I wanted to make sure that this day was a celebration of our happiness and it was! Our energy definitely rubbed off on our guests, and everyone had a blast.
So, even if the planning isn’t so great, the wedding and beyond can be great.
Post # 15
You are so right. I always thought it sounded so silly before I got engaged, I mean it’s a party, it’s ONE day, how does it get so out of control? But I realized it’s not so much the wedding that causes the drama, it’s realizing who supports you and who doesn’t. Who is jealous and who is generally happy. You realize who you can count on, not just on your wedding day, but down the road, when you have kids, run into tough times, and need a friend. The nice thing about losing crap friends, is that it leaves room for some great people or hobbies to enter your life.
Post # 16
It is sad, which is why I threw myself a pity party this morning lol but now I’m over it slightly, thanks to everyone’s support on here 🙂
We left a lot of the friendships behind for the most part, but there are a few that I understand their behavior more and have tried to be understanding. A few couples were dating for 8-10 years when we got engaged (we were dating for just under 3) and I could tell that they we annoyed them at getting what they wanted before them. We have a picture of one of the girls looking extremely pissed about 5 minutes after we got engaged, that is so ridiculous I used to laugh at it sometimes. Life isn’t a contest or a race, but I can understand that feeling, so I tried to forgive them.
The terrible friends that caused scenes and were generally crazy are no longer a part of our lives. They were childhood friends too, so I miss having friends that knew me my whole life, but I don’t miss them in particular.