- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
I recently went to a wedding for a really good friend of mine, and I am still appalled at the level of how inconsiderate some of guests were. Here’s the situation:
My friend is an incredibly mature, warm hearted and inclusive person. She met her husband in France and has been living here for the last two years with him. Well, her dad is terminally ill, and since he doesn’t have any other support she will be moving back to take care of him. Her husband proposed to her so they could stay together and he will be following her back to the states. They needed to get married within about 4 months from the engagement so they could start the visa process, however she had absolutely no help from her parents, and he had very little help from his – they pulled the whole thing together on their own, with the fact that they would also have to pay for a very expensive move without their next jobs lined up in the states. They decided that instead of just having a private ceremony, they wanted to share this day with their many friends (they are both very social people and have a large circle of friends). Their wedding was not gift grabby in any way, and despite the lack of money they truly wanted to spend their last few weeks in the country with their friends. They are very informal people and didn’t care much for the show, and their hearts were very much in the right place.
The night before the wedding the venue they rented said they were no longer welcomed (it was a loft, and the neighbor decided at the last minute he wasn’t ok with the party that he knew about for weeks…there is a special place in hell for him). They had to scramble at the last minute to find a new reception hall at 8pm the night before. Transportation between the ceremony and the reception was a bit of a nightmare (I totally showed up at the venue with about 6 other people in the back of a small truck illegal immigration style, and didn’t complain… at least it makes for a good story), and unfortunately the guests were kinda stranded at the venue as it was difficult to get a taxi on a Saturday night.
There were just so many things I was annoyed with. One of my friends showed up in jeans and a t-shirt (she would have flipped if someone did that at her wedding only a year before). Another decided the wedding was informal enough that he could bring the girl he was currently dating without asking the bride. The couple really did miscalculate on the food and when to bring it out, so unfortunately people were starving and cranky (future brides please note: please make sure your guest are well fed! It is really the biggest way to ensure that your guests will rebel). A significant amount of guests and half the bridesmaids left about 3 hours into the reception (they clearly were not asked to do much more than to wear any blue dress of their choosing or one they already owned, the least the bridesmaids could have done was waited for dinner and dancing). The groom was on the phone for a forth of the wedding trying to call for taxis, which is ridiculous considering the groomsmen could have done it if they weren’t completely wasted and spilling red wine on everyone. I wasn’t a bridesmaid, but I ended up being the one to ask the bride if she needed anything to drink (coffee and water to keep her going after her sleeping for 3 hours the night before because she needed to prep the new venue), I gave her my backup flip flops so she could dance, and even held her dress so she could go to the bathroom.
I have to say that yes, it wasn’t the most organized wedding I’ve been to and under normal circumstances yes there were several etiquette rules broken on behalf of the couple. Yet if anyone really deserved a break for once in their lives, it was really these two people. They truly got married for all the right reasons and I really admire their pure selflessness, and it annoys me that so many people could not just suck it up for a few hours and enjoy their friends who will be starting a new – and difficult – chapter in a different country. Their thinking was that the guest they were inviting would be understanding of their situation and be happy and would want to celebrate with them anyways, and this didn’t seem to be the case with everyone. It’s funny how weddings really let everyone’s true colors show.