Post # 1
Well, I’m posting this in Emotional but I guess I’m not super emotional about it. Already, I find I’ve gotten better at sighing and saying “What can ya do!” when it comes to wedding related matters.
I’m just looking for commiseration, I guess. I feel like all of the ‘key players’ (FI, his parents, my parents, etc.) are playing tug-of-war with our wedding. A part of me understands how Bridezillas are born now! Rather than trying to balance so many expectations, it seems like it would be so much easier to shriek “I AM THE BRIDE! WE ARE DOING THINGS MY WAY, PERIOD!! NO MORE DEBATE!” Not that I would. Just saying.
First FI is desperate to have this funky, new-school style reception. Ok, well, not exactly what I pictured, but I am all about equal say in a relationship. We’ll compromise and go more for a lounge style. After originally saying we would get a set amount budget-wise, now my parents don’t like our decisions and may cut the budget if we don’t do something more traditional.
At this point I really don’t care, but FI is going to be upset if my parents decide to do that, and my parents might be upset if FI can’t agree on something more traditional. Blah!
I am not an “It’s All About Me” person by any means, but sometimes I feel like between everyone else my voice is the last to be heard here. I want to give FI and all the parents my wedding planner’s number and say “Whatever guys! You work it out, just tell me when to show up!” Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?
Post # 3
ABSOLUTELY! I think all brides feel this at some point during the process. It’s overwhelming when you try to please EVERYONE, and even if you go into the process with the “it’s my day” mindset, people EXPECT that you are going to bust your butt to please them, so they will throw in their two cents, their preferences on your date, your music, your food, hell, even YOUR dress!
This is why I decided to pay for my own dress, because if there’s anything that I want to be 100% happy with FOR ME, it’s the dress. With no one else funding it, I feel no pressure to succumb to what everyone else wants (and let me tell you EVERYONE wants something different for this dress, lol).
It’s not bad to feel this way. It’s normal. Bridezillas don’t enter the process, they are born THROUGH the process and everyone’s expectations. No worries, it will get better.
But in the meantime, we commiserate. 🙂
Post # 4
I totally understand. We had a talk with Fi parents last night about the wedding and I felt so bridezilla saying “no they don’t need to be at the rehearsal, no we aren’t going to come to the after-party, yes you need to blow bubbles for the processional”.
It’s so hard trying to balance your ideas and those of your in-laws and parents. You just have to make a decision, stick with it and don’t feel bad. Parent’s need to understand they have had their time and now it’s your turn.
Could you still have the wedding you want if your parents pull some of their money? Maybe just a smaller one or something?
Post # 5
I hear ya. I feel like our whole wedding has been about making other people happy. But I have decided that I’ve had enough of that.
But we are paying for the whole thing – and that gives us carte blanche to do what we want. But still everyohe has something to say. One of my friends actually yelled at me b/c I did not want to go to Kleinfeld!!
Post # 6
ugh, I totally feel you!
My FMIL (who isn’t really helping) thinks she should have the decision in most of my choices and it is driving me bonker. I am getting reallly close to becoming a bridezille just because for once in my life: I want the spotlight to be on me for my wedding! I have never been the center of attention and it would be nice to have a day revolved around me for a change. Instead of always looking out for everyone else…always decided what would be best for so-and-so. My fiance is all up for it being my day and he treats me like a princess anyway 😀
Plus, my FMIL thinks we should do this cheap ugly wedding! She doesn’t like some of my ideas because there is a cheaper alternative. LIke she didn’t want me to pay 300 for my dress because I could get a cheaper plain version for less. It didn’t even flatter me, it was just cheaper. She just looks at price, not quality or what I want..or theme…
It’s why we’re paying for the wedding! And, I’m starting to not talk about it to anyone but my mom (whose supportive in whatever I want..cuz I’m only getting married once..might as well make it what I want) and my bm.
Post # 7
Luckily my parents, who are paying for most of the wedding, are very supportive with our wants as a couple, they realize that it’s OUR wedding and no one else’s. On the other hand, the FI’s parents think that things should be done according to tradition and ettiquitte. **sigh** Oh well, they aren’t funding it, so while I’ll listen to their opinions, we’re strongly set on doing things the way we picture them.
Post # 8
I totally feel you girls! My FMIL just decided two days ago that they want to invite 20 more people… to our small venue… and I still haven’t received all the RSVPs back on the cards we already sent. I am extremely worried about capacity. We can only have 120 and right now if all the missing RSVPs and the new 20 decide to come…we’ll be at like 145. Not good. She caught me off guard though and what am I supposed to say? I wish my fiance would have stepped in and said “sorry but we don’t have room” but did he? No. I’m so ready to be done planning!!!!
Post # 9
I have often felt during the wedding planning that it is not the bride’s day. It’s the bride’s day to try to figure out how to make everyone else happy!
Post # 10
I totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s really, really frustrating, and I constantly feel like we’re trying to make everyone else happy, and not ourselves. My mom has super traditional, high-class friends, and she’s often persuaded by their comments. She’ll often come back to me and say things like, “Well, all MY friends don’t think you should do it that way. They say it’s not appropriate.” I want to scream and say, “I’m not planning a wedding for YOUR friends!”
I’ve also had aunts and cousins scoff at some of our ideas, and I think it largely has to do with the fact that they just can’t see the final vision in my head. I know that once they see all the details put together, they’ll get it. But dealing with the snarky comments along the way is stressful.
Hang in there!
Post # 11
don’t take the money from your parents. plan it with your money. it’s the only way things can be done your way. if i could do it all again, i wouldn’t have taken the $8,000 from my parents. Then I wouldn’t have had to hear statements all the time like “oh but you can’t do that, it will make us look bad (or cheap) and we are spending so much on this wedding”.
Take my advice and let your parents take their money back. That way you can do what you want.
Post # 12
sometimes parents object until you can put things in the way that they understand. they want formal? they’re thinking sit down, cake, etc – the way things usually are. Talk about your plan and how it relates to their ideas, and show them how the new way does cover all the same bases and will leave their guests with a more memorable experience without sacrificing anything. I had to literally rip my Glamour magazine apart to show my FMIL what i meant about the girls having mismatched dresses. Pulled a page from the red carpet page, one from the fashion section, one from an ad, etc, and laid them all down next to each other next to some more blue swatches. See? Don’t they look awesome together?! Plus they pay half as much for a dress off the rack that they’ll wear again. She got it, and never had to ask me again about it.
Post # 13
Thanks all. It seems to have worked itself out, as it usually does with this stuff. Thankfully all of the players alternate in their stances, so someone who is driving me up a wall one minute is advocating for me the next! In this case, my mom talked to my dad. Ha ha, I think at this point my mom is thinking “So help me, they can get married at McDonald’s if they want, so long as they get it done and get to work on some grandkids!” I picture us being hustled up to the honeymoon suite for some pro-creative activity right after the ceremony!
I think a lot of us, as women, try to be accommodating and are used to doing things for others. I find that with weddings, though, that trait can quickly get out of control!
Post # 14
I had this image of being the perfect zen bride. You just think that if you are getting married, you must be all grown up and mature. Plus, you want to avoid being considered “bridezilla”, so you overcompensate by being Miss Nicey Nicey, and you end up feeling like stabbing your eye out with a pencil.
Throwing a wedding was a good learning experience for me in finding my voice. I struggled to find the balance between what I wanted to speak up for, what was worth the battle and what to let go. I didn’t do it perfectly, and I melted down two days before the wedding… but the wedding was what we wanted it to be and not too many feelings were hurt in the process.
We brides are human, and it is ok, even healthy, to reveal that humanness!
In fact, in finding that balance, the whole experience brought me closer to my sisters, which was worth it just for that!
Post # 15
OMG yes!!!! Just the other day I was so close to saying “d’ya know what, I’ll just send a cardboard cut out of myself to the wedding, how about that!”. And yes I too can totally see how Bridezillas are born. What gets on my nerves is sometimes I feel like I’m walking on egg shells and whatever I say or if have an opinion about the wedding then I’m a Bridezilla, what because I want to have a say in my wedding, shame on me! 🙂
Post # 16
It is totally frustrating when your family pushes you to do something that you don’t want to do until you SNAP and then they get all ‘disappointed in you’ when you turn into a bridezilla. Eloping would be so much easier!!!