Post # 1
Everytime I make a big decision I’m sure to let my bridesmaids know, because I know it’s frustrating to be in a wedding and have no idea what’s going on (I’ve been there before). We chose our date and venue a week after getting engaged and I let everyone know immediately. My wedding and reception are both going to be at a bed and breakfast in a pretty courtyard OUTDOORS. I let my girls know about this AGES ago and I’ve talked to them about decor and setup and everything too. This morning I was at the gym with a bridesmaid and I mentioned that I was a little worried that it might be chilly so we’re going to rent some space heaters to be safe. Her reaction “well, it’s inside anyways can’t they just turn on the heaters?”
I was so annoyed! She’s the friend I talk to about the wedding the MOST! I said no, the entire wedding is outside and she has the nerve to say well, you told me it was at the church! I’ve never once even considered having my wedding at the church we’ve had our venue chosen for 9 months! This is just one of many incidents where I mention something to a bridesmaid and it’s obvious to me that they haven’t taken the time to read the update emails I’ve sent them. It’s not like I hound them with emails every week! I’ve sent about 3 major ones in the last 9 months.
The last one I sent I asked the girls if they wanted me to make them hair and make-up appointments and I gave them the prices. I got a great deal so it will be very inexpensive for them, but I made sure to let them know that I in know way required them to get their hair and make-up pro done I just wanted to have it available for them and I needed to know if they wanted it or not so I could tell the girl how much time to set aside. In the same email I also asked their shoe size (I’m getting them flip flops) and favorite colors.
Almost every girl replied “size 8” “size 5” “size 9” and didn’t even bother to answer any of my other questions or reply to any other part of the email I wrote.
I guess I’m just really hurt and wanted to vent… if you read all of this you’re awesome!
Post # 3
That stinks, its hard to keep try of all the details when they aren’t your details. What I have found helps when writing emails to my BM’s is at the end, say, I need a response from you guys about question 1, question 2, and question 3. Sometimes where there are lots of questions in the body of emails, people skim and tend to forget.
Post # 4
That is really annoying. Keep in mind every Bridesmaid or Best Man will be involved with your wedding differently, some want to know every detail, others just want to know what time to show up. Also, she could be kind of forgetful – I know I tend to forget details sometimes when I’m not the one making the decisions.
But good for you keeping them informed! I have also been a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding where I was given NO information about ANYTHING! The only reason I knew what time the ceremony was is because I got an invitation. It was the most chaotic wedding, totally disorganized, no one had any idea what was going on. I also send my BM’s an ‘update’ email when the info will effect them, but I’ve probably only sent like 3 or 4 in a year.
Post # 5
I’m sorry you are so frustrated. I’m going to be very honest and I don’t mean this harshly at all (and I really hope you don’t take it that way!). NO ONE cares about your wedding as much as you do. If you’re like me it’s on your mind 24/7. Well, it’s NOT on our bridal parties mind that often. They probably don’t know if they want to pay for hair and make up yet.
Maybe in the future you can call each one of them and give them the info instead of relying on mass emails.
Vent away, but try to remember THEY have their own lives too.
Post # 6
I know I sound selfish, I just wanted to vent. Those stories are just things that happened within the last week or so.. so they’re fresh on my mind.
One bridesmaid didn’t know the wedding was next month and isn’t sure if she can get it off of work now b/c she didn’t request it in time. We’ve had our date chosen for 9 months and she was the first to know for that exact reason.
I don’t expect them to care and know everything about my wedding, but it would be nice if at least one of them would show that she cared at all. Or at least pretend!
Post # 7
I’m going to have to agree with SanDiegoAli here. Your (and mine and all of us Bees) wedding is consumg your life right now, but your friends/bridemaids just do. not. care. that. much. I try to keep the wedding-related emails to my BMs/friends to a minimum so that everything is not all about my wedding. I try not too bug them constantly or too far in advance about things that are really prob only important my mind.
Also, I try things like you mentioned with a grain of salt. For example, a friend told me that one of my BMs told her that she was p*ssed that I am having a cash bar. I’m NOT having a cash bar (I’m actually having a top-shelf open bar) and I have no idea why she would think that. I’ve emailed my cousin/BM about 7 times for her to PLEASE email me the link to the dress she chose. No response. Oh well.
Post # 8
Yeah, I know they don’t care as much as me. Not even close. That’s totally ok. I guess I’m just overreacting.
Post # 9
I know how you feel. My bridesmaid couldn’t remember where we ordered her dress and asked me to pick it up after the store emailed her about 6 times. I too had to realize that they just aren’t into it that much so I really try to keep it to myself and not bother them unless they ask. That way I don’t sound like that’s all I care about and my feelings don’t get hurt when they don’t respond how I expect them to.
Post # 10
Hmm, that drives me nuts as well. When my Maid/Matron of Honor mistakenly misses answering a question I just email her the question again so that she sees it again. I think especially if you’re asking them a lot of questions at once they tend to forget the first ones and only answer the last ones – I know I do that a lot in my emails!
Post # 11
Don’t feel bad! This is something I deal with all of the time in my business. If people see a lot of text in an email they just skim, skim, skim, it has nothing to do with you personally. For me, this tends to be the best format!
Hi X, Just wanted to get your feedback on a couple of things. Could you let me know about the following 4 things:
My advice: spacing is key. Separate every question into a single, short line of it’s own. If it’s mid-paragraph people are less likely to see it. Same for any key ‘points’ you want them to see. Then you can always do ‘details below’ for those who will actually read the whole thing!
Post # 12
I have never once gotten a reply to a single e-mail I have ever sent to my BMs. My sister, the Maid/Matron of Honor, NEVER asks about the details of the wedding and was confused about the time, date, place, and dress details (despite having an STD and e-mails with this information). My friend, another Bridesmaid or Best Man, is upset that I’m getting married on a Friday- which she has known for OVER a year!- because it will make her miss work. Ummm…she only works part-time and has complete and total control over what hours and days she works (her job loves her). This same Bridesmaid or Best Man is having a serious mental breakdown that I asked her to buy a dress that was navy and knee-length (no other requirements!). She keeps asking me if [insert wrong color or too short of a length] is okay, because she likes it better. All this goes to prove that no one else in the whole world cares about your wedding and the details about it as much as you do. Also- I totally, 100% sympathize with your situation!
Post # 13
It could be the opposite and they are driving you nuts! The last wedding I was in I was the Maid/Matron of Honor and the other bridesmaids kept emailing me asking me about this and that. One day I got 60 emails from one bridesmaid. I was soo frustrated. I’m glad they weren’t bothering the bride but come on I don’t care and she doesn’t care what color toe nail polish you want to wear. Just get it done and be on time!
Post # 14
sorry just had to vent LOL
Post # 15
i know exactly how you feel! i ask questions because i genuinely want their imput – and its stuff that has to do with them, dress choices, shoe picks, hair styles – things that they will ultimately have to wear or do and its like pulling teeth!!!
all i have to say is if they hate it its their own fault. i make suggestions and ask for opinions and its nuthin but crickets!
i sooo understand.
Post # 16
Thanks for understanding girls! It’s nice not to feel all alone!
@vintage haha! 60 emails?? wow! I suppose there are two very opposite sides that can both be very annoying! 🙂