Post # 1
To all the ladies whose fiances are
-way involved in the wedding planning process
-not in any way, shape or form wanting a bachelor party with strippers
-willing to change their last name in any way (rather than wanting you to be the only one to change their name)
… you all are awesome.
But sometimes when I read these boards, I seriously feel like I’m the only one with a guy who couldn’t give a crap about centerpieces, wants to go to the strip club for his party and … doesn’t think … highly … about men who change their names.
I envy you ladies, honestly. I wish my guy was enlightened enough to say to me “you know, I’d rather go camping than celebrate my upcoming nuptials by looking at some other lady’s bazongas.” But no, I’ve got the old-school guy.
Anyone else out there feel this way?
Post # 3
Mine is indifferent, but his Bridesmaid or Best Man is SUPER hyped up to have strippers. I told him, “You know how uncomfortable that makes me. I don’t think it’s necessary,” and he agreed–but I’m still waiting on him to tell that to his best man. =/
Post # 4
OH MY GOSH. You read my mind. My man went to the cake testing and menu tasting (the only two things that have involved food so far) and that’s been his extent of the planning. It’s frustrating. I ask him his opinion “I don’t care, whatever you want.” and then he’s like… “When did you get these? Why didn’t you ask me to pick them or go with you?” I DID! YOU WERE TOO BUSY WATCHING BASEBALL!
phew. okay, sorry…. had to get that off my chest.
Post # 5
My husband was very involved in our process, he did go to a strip club (but got my OK first – I trust him and all of his friends), and we are both traditionalists as far as the name changing goes. If a man wants to change his name to his wife’s name, that’s cool, but just not something I would ever consider, much less be angry about.
Post # 6
My husband barely knew what a centerpiece was for, went to a strip club, and is giving me a small bit of crap for not changing my name. lol. None of this bothers me though because I don’t know if I would like a guy who was that into weddings, really.
Post # 7
You’re definitely not alone. My husband didn’t want anything to do with strippers… but I’m with you on the other two. He would give an opinion on something if I forced him to but for the most part he didn’t get involved in planning. He told me he would help if I really wanted him to, but he trusted me to make the wedding beautiful on my own since I obviously was a lot more passionate about the colors of the flowers or the design of the menu. Also, hubs really wanted me to change my mind (which I did because I wanted to), but would have accepted it if I chose not to. But there was no way in hell he would be changing his name to mine or making up some sort of blended or hyphenated last name. And would probably make fun of one of his friends if they did.
Post # 8
Deeeefinitely not the only one! My Fiance had strippers at his bach party (and in the hotel room! ), and he couldn’t care less about flowers, colors, centerpieces, etc. He’s also made it clear that he would be a little upset if I didn’t change my name, and there is no way in HELL he would ever change his name. Luckily, I’m happy to change my name to his!
So you are not alone!! 🙂
Post # 9
you just described my fi. and (vent) even if i narrow things down to TWO choices, he won’t help make decisions! sorry you’re going through this….but apparently, it’s pretty common!!
Post # 10
My Fiance and I made a deal – I would bring him a few choices of things and he would tell me what he likes best, instead of showing him all the choices I sort through to pick my favorites. He would be fine just showing up and saying “I do”, but I want his input. We were discussing possible venues the other day with my parents and I was saying, “I like this, I like that” and my dad stopped me and said “what about what J likes?” I thru my hands up in the air and told my dad if he could get that information out of J he was doing better than me. My Fiance is notorious for going along with whatever I like. He’s very laid back.
We haven’t discussed the bachelor party and strippers. But I really don’t care so I don’t see it being a big issue. He doesn’t traditionally like strip clubs anyway.
And I’ve joked about him changing his last name to mine because I like mine more. He has no interest in doing it, but then he doesn’t care if I take his last name and would be just as happy with me keeping my name. But I will probably change mine so we have one family name.
Post # 11
You’re no the only one! My Fiance hasn’t had much to do with anything– but im kind of thankful because the one or two things he did try to decide on were so far from what i would have picked! For instance he wanted this multi-colored RL tie because he thought it was soo cool. But our colors are french blue, silver, some purples etc. He didn’t understand why a multicolored tie would look out of place! LOL I did get him to change his mind on the tie and do a couple things with me such as dance lessons, premarital counseling, etc. But in terms of detailed planning im glad he hasn’t had too much of an interest!
Post # 12
I’ve seriously hit the point where I’m indifferent about the party. The more of a fuss I make, the more it’s going to seem like forbidden fruit and the more he’s going to want to do it. And the moment he says to his idiot friends “Cupcake doesn’t want me to go to the strip club …” they’ll be in the car with the engine revving. *eyeroll* I trust him, it’s the friends I don’t trust …
@Kaitlin — that happens in our house all. the. time. I’ll make a decision about something I don’t think he’ll care about and then three months later he’ll be like “why are you doing that??” I’ve hit the point where I approach things by saying “I need to make a decision about X. Is this something you care about or do you just want me to make the decision?” Or we’ll get into a fight about something I’ve assumed is completely mundane and he’d have no oppinion on — like a cake topper.
There’s a scene in Hot Tub Time Machine (don’t judge) where the group of guys finds out one of them changed his last name to his wife’s last name and my Fiance bust out laughing and was like “no guy would EVER do that!!!” and I kept thinking, there are people on the ‘bee that do that …
Post # 13
My fiance is 1.5/3. He cares about the wedding – some things more than I do, but is too lazy to do any work. Grr. This is especially inconvenient because I am, too.
He’s TERRIFIED of strippers. To the point where I considered plotting with his brother/best man to hire one because he would literally run away. But I think it’s too mean.
I really, really, really wish he would be willing to change his name, though. I can understand his reasons why not, but I’ve had to work to separate my rage at an uneven system which expects women to bear all the burden on this from him and his own personal decisions. Though his not being willing to change his (to mine or hyphenating or something else) made me all that more certain I would keep my own name.
ETA: @cupcakesprinkles: we were watching that movie, too (shh!) and I was all set up to enjoy it when that scene happened. I got very annoyed (had recently been discussing this with my fiance), lost interest in the movie, and fell asleep.
Post # 14
Fiance doesn’t care about the venue, decor, centerpiece, invitations (he’s already said he will have no part in helping me put together my planned DIYs), ummm.. photography, color…. just about anything wedding related. He’s actually said “I dont care about all that stuff, its all for you, so you have to like it. I’d get married out there *he points out at the parking lot at work* for all I care.” Gotta give it to him tho, it *IS* us girls that wants to do all this and plan this day. They just want the end result – to be married.
I’m not sure if he is joking about the stripper or not, but it doesnt bother me. I think its just “the thing” to do for a bachelor party, kind of how a diamond is “supposed” to be the engagement stone of choice.
And the name change was a MUST for him. He’s even said it’d was a deal breaker.
Post # 15
Totally understand everything everyone has said! My Fiance hasn’t even picked his wedding party yet!! Only 8 more months to go & most of his friends live out of the province or even out of the country so they may need to know!
Post # 16
My hubby was in the middle when we were planning our wedding. He cared about some things, but for flowers and girly stuff I was on my own. I realized quickly that I was ok with this, because when he did care there were usually differences in opinions and compromising and such, and sometimes it’s just easier with just one person doing it.
He wanted the normal bachelor party, but when I said it made me uncomfortable, he was quick to say no to a strip club.
And he would never take my name, but was ok with me keeping it. Even though I didn’t want to, so that didn’t matter much.