Post # 1
I seriously don’t know whats wrong with me.. I have the best guy in the world and the best daughter in the world. I am very fortunate. But there are so many big happening in my life that I feel like Im sinking into darkness. Sometimes I just have spurts of crying where I just want to die… Sometimes I feel like Fiance would be better off with someone else… This is the first time I have ever admitted this out loud. FI’s parents hate me because I have a kid.. and take it out on Fiance. They don’t talk to him and ignore his calls and I know that when he sits down to think about it that it really hurts him but he is acting like it doesn’t because he knows it upsets me when he is upset. I hate that I caused this rift between them. When we first met, he was in love with his mother.. now he thinks she is evil. Sometimes I think that his parents are right,,, and I don’t know where this old way of thinking comes from.. but I should have waited. I should have waited for him. But then I think about my beautiful sweet smart everything baby girl…. she is such a highlight in my life.. but if I ever want Fiance and I to live together like a real married couple I will have to leave her in Florida because a judge denied me the right to rellocate with my daughter. On top of all of that.. her rather recently came over and threatened to kill me and sliced me across the face with a blade in my mother’s house. The judge granted me a no contact order but he still gets my daughter every other week. And if all of that were not enough… my mother takes my EX’s side with everything. She blames me for all the stress in her life because I am living in her house. She wants my daughter to live with her father because it is close to her. I just feel like there is so much on my plate at once that I am drowning….
Post # 3
I don’t know where to begin. This is just incredibly awful. You start by saying you don’t know what’s wrong with you but your post is horrific. That’s what’s wrong with you. Everyone else surrounding you, right now, making happiness just out of reach. I am so so sorry.
I can only comment on the part I have some experience with. YOU did not cause a rift between your fiance and his mother. SHE caused a rift between herself and her son. What kind of reason is that to dislike you? Because you have a child….No wonder he is starting to see her as evil. Let him make his own choices in that department. He loves you? Let him. I know all about this because my husband went from Mama’s boy to really disliking her, also. I also often blame myself and he calls me silly. The only thing we did was help bring to light her true colors.
Suicidal thoughts are not child’s play. I’ve had those too in years past. Can you speak to a therapist? Priest? Anyone? BIG BIG HUGS TO YOU
Post # 4
@Just_Squeeze: To be honest, for the most part, FI’s parents are out of sight and out of mind. I just feel like my two loves.. my daughter and my Fiance can never be with me for enything long term. Fiance is in the AF, he has requested to be moved but nothing yet.. its not like he can just quit his job. My daughter is only 4. My heart is in shreds right now
Post # 5
@MrsNeutrino: *hugs* I know i have said this before, but I often think about your situation. As a mom, it hurts me to think of all the pain you are going through.
There are such hard decisions to make because your heart is so torn between staying in florida and seeing your daughter and moving to california to be with your future husband.
All I can say is that it is not your fault your fmil is thinking “old school”. It is not your fault that your ex is not willing to co-operate with you. It is not your fault that your mom is stressed.
Please listen to just_squeeze when she says to see someone to talk to. Keeping this all inside can cause a lot of damage and thinking about dying is not good at all.
Post # 6
Oh man I am so so sorry to hear you are going through this! This must be so difficult for you. I agree with PP though try your hardestttttt to NOT blame yourself for the mother in law stuff. That was her choice not yours. It is NOT your fault she is so judgemental and hateful. As for your daughter’s Father he showed violence towards you and still gets to keep your child? Have you thought about getting better lawyers b/c that sounds ludicrous. That should be illegal!
Post # 7
I can sort of empathize with the way you’re feeling right now. Suddenly, in the past week, my mental health has plummeted to a scary low. I am highly depressed and have had some grim thoughts. I feel like this is all brought on by the stress of the wedding. I were you, I wouldn’t worry about your FI’s family. They sound crazy, to me. A lot of people have sex and end up having children before marriage. It’s life. You’re not horrible for it, and if your Fiance loves you, screw them! They’re being childish in not speaking to their son because he loves a girl that *gasp* has a kid! You seem like a good person, there are a lot worse things than having a child.
I know how bad you want to be with your Fiance, but you have an obligation to your child. She needs a mother, not her crazy ass dad. I really have a hard time understanding why moms walk away from their children for their boyfriends. Not that you have, yet, but that you’re having the thought is unbelievable to me. Are you seriously going to go far away from her knowing that she’s gonna have to be with that psycho ex of yours (or some other relative that isn’t even her parent)? I know you’ve gotta share custody with him now, but at least if something happens to her you’re nearby to rescue her. If I were you, I’d wait until your Fiance can get transferred. I mean, you can get married before then and just take trips to visit him/him take trips to visit you. But, I would not suggest leaving your daughter.
Post # 8
I have to say that I agree with @Pinksapphire: about leaving your daughter. I can only imagine how hard it must be to not be allowed to relocate with your child. However, it’s really unreal to me that you are even considering it. It, to me, would be not even a thought it my mind. My children come before anyone even if that someone was going to be my husband.
I feel for you with the stresses and I’m really sorry your fmil is a pain in the ass and that your mom isn’t really on your side with things.
But, personally, I think you need to start looking at this as strictly her mother and not someone’s Fiance. Your life needs to be where ever she is living and the rest will have to come to you.
I wish you luck.
Post # 9
@MrsNeutrino: Okay first of all this is a lot. I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. With that being said. I can understand your thougths that you shouuld have waited, but like you said your beautiful little girl is the highlight of your life. If you would have waited you wouldnt have had her, so never beat yourself up for that. Now it sounds as though you ex is quite abusive, He cut your face with a blade?? That is not okay, can you get full custody of your little one with the concern that he is obviously isnt stable if he is doing things like that to anybody?? Then maybe you could re locate?? I wouldnt beat yourself up about you mom! I think anybody that lives in close quarters can get on eachothers nerves. She shouldnt be taking it all out on you, but sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most! Now moving onto your Fiance and his family. This rift was NOT caused by you!! That was caused by her. Its her choice weather or not she wants to accept you, but you are lucky to have a man that will stand up by your side, and not take any shit!! He loves you, and you love him, thats what people deserve is to be with people that are passionate about them, therefore, I dont think that you should feel like he deserves better. Im sure in the end things will work out for the best. It may not be fun in the meantime, there maybe tears, but you are strong. Im glad that you have a place like the bee that you can vent. *MAJOR HUGS*
Post # 10
All sympathy aside, and trust me I have it, but if he sliced your face with a blade, why is he not in jail for assault with a deadly weapon? I’m hoping I misunderstood that part.
I am sorry you are going through the rest of it. I think it might be time to seek out some professional help, everyone has dark days, but this is stemming into something lasting and you should seek help.
Post # 11
@SweetVanity: He went to jail for a whole couple hours. He was charged with felony assult and battery and bailed out the same day.
Post # 12
@Just_Squeeze: I agree! I am so so so sorry all this is going on around you. It’s no wonder you aren’t happy right now! I am happy you have a wonderful man to help you through this. At least that’s one good thing in your life right now!
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter and will be praying you are able to relocate her soon. You are not causing the rift between your FH and his family. I think it’s clear their reactions have drawn him away from them.
Big hugs… I pray things get better soon, let me know if you need anything or just want to vent.
Post # 13
@MrsNeutrino: Holy cow. If I could hug you I would. I can’t imagine how much harder that makes things. I can’t believe after that the court still allows him to see your child. He obviously has some serious issues.
I am so sorry you are going thorugh this.
Post # 13
@MrsNeutrino: I am so sorry you’re going through all of this! Find a good counselor, seriously. It may feel weird the first time but it will change how you feel because you’re letting out all of those feelings.
Also, can you try to get a restraining order of your ex? I know it’s just a piece of paper, but it’s another step towards keeping your daughter with you. She clearly does not need to be with that man.
Post # 14
@MrsCoachBtoBee: I have a restraining order. The judge said because she wasn’t there (and maybe even if she were) at the time of the incident that the previous ruling on visitation still stands.
Post # 15
That is so sad!
Sometimes I cry for no reason. Big sobs and Fiance gets really irritated with it. He says I have nothing to be sad about but it just comes out.
How old are you? A while ago I was reading how this can be fairly common for women in their mid-20’s. All of a sudden, life hits you…marriage, jobs, no more school, dealing with more drama on your own, etc. and it can be overwhelming. Once I read that it started to make sense as to why I felt so hopeless sometimes.
Can you go to counseling? Do you have a good friend you can talk to if you are not comfortable with counseling? Professional help would be of great assistance if you feel like this often. I am sending hugs your way!