Post # 1
I feel sort of Bridezilla-y so I just need to get this out. UGH!
I get along really well with my FILs. I feel very fortunate about that. But sometimes FMIL just drives me nuts. I sent FMIL an email explaining the difficulties of getting the rehearsal dinner set since we have so many of us (19) and having it on Valentine’s Day but let her know the final plan. That number includes us, my 4 girls, their husband/boyfriends, FI’s 4 guys, our “usher” I guess we’ll refer to him as, both sets of parents, and FI’s grandma. She talked to FI’s grandma and apparently FI’s grandma is just appalled that we’d invite these “dates” (yes, FMIL actually put it in quotes) and that we should not be responsible for feeding them. FMIL says she agrees.
We talked about this in person. I told FMIL all about how it’s seen as very rude not to invite the SO’s of the bridal party to the rehearsal dinner. MATRON of Honor is bring her HUSBAND. Maid of Honor is bringing her boyfriend of well over a year, one bridesmaid would have brought her fiance if he was able to get off work to fly in, other bridesmaid is bringing her boyfriend of over 3 years. These “dates” aren’t flavors of the week! Not to mention that all 7 of them are coming in from out of town. One is flying in from CO, the rest have to take time off work to drive over 2 hours.
The biggest kicker? Neither side has contributed a cent to the wedding or any wedding related activities. So it’s not like FI’s parents are paying for this RD. It’s our money. Don’t worry about it.
I feel so much better now.
Post # 3
@LiliKitty: Yeesh. YOUR money, YOUR decision. They can go shove it 🙂
Post # 4
If they aren’t paying I would drop that conversation altogether! You are spot on to treat your BP so nicely and with proper etiquette. I am shocked at his g’ma’s reaction!
Post # 5
they’re compliaining about who is invited and they’re not paying? wow.
they are in no place to make comments on who will attend the RD… esp. the grandmother– what in God’s green earth does she care for?
Post # 6
O boy. This is the kind of stress you just don’t need so close to the wedding. End the conversation all together. What a ridiculous reaction, and how funny that they think they have input in how YOU have chosent to treat your guests.
Post # 7
@LiliKitty: I am in the SAME boat. Literally. I am planning the rehearsal dinner with my money. And my girls are married, engaged, and dating for 4 years, and FI’s guys are dating for 5+ years AND most of them are from out of town.
I wouldn’t send an email explaining the difficulties. I would only give them the date and time and that’s IT.
Post # 8
Yeah, why do they even care if they’re not paying? As I was reading it, I thought they were paying so I was thinking, yikes..It’s kinda rude if they won’t let them bring their SO’s but I guess they can make the rules. Once you said they weren’t paying…? I probably would tell them to shove it.
Post # 9
I find it amusing that technically the grandmother shouldn’t even be at the rehersal and she’s the one complaining….
Post # 10
@BluSptLvR: Wait I thought it was for close family? Don’t grandparents technically come because they are seated before the mothers?
Post # 11
@LiliKitty: Are these ladies tight wads or something? Suggesting you snub the SO’s of your out of town bridal party – I can’t even. Not to mention their butting in when they’re not even contributing is outrageous. I realize they’re probably just trying to save you money, but if it comes up again, just tell them its decided and that’s that.
But yeah, totally get your frustration here. Sheesh.
Post # 12
@LiliKitty: Your paying, so why the hell do they care.
Personally, anyone in the wedding party came the rehearsal and dinner alone. Around me, its not common for the spouses to come to the rehearsal. Thankfully I didn’t even have to touch this issue bc out of the BM and GM, only one of them was married, but he is unhappily married, he didn’t bring his wife to the wedding.
ANd on top of that my MIL paid for it as a gift, so I didn’t want to invite people that didn’t need to be invited.
Post # 13
Thanks ladies. I knew I was the one in the right but it’s just so nice knowing I have the backup support.
@Chrysoberyl: She sent me an email asking if I had the plans settled yet since we talked over the weekend, so I responded to that which lead to her saying the whole “dates” fiasco. After my OP (and calming down slightly) I wrote her another email quoting Emily Post about rehearsal dinner etiquette. I’m pretty sure I even said “You and [FFIL] aren’t paying for it so don’t worry about it” or something really close to that. I’m a fairly blunt person. Haha.
@BluSptLvR: Grandparents are invited just as much as parents are.
@Zhabeego: Yeaaahh. I consider myself frugal. She takes frugality to the extreme.
Post # 14
@LiliKitty: Oh wow. Yeah my FILs could care less about any aspect of the wedding. Hopefully they at least have the date in their calendar so they know to show up.
That’s good that you pointed that out. I had the issue with FI’s parents saying TRADITIONALLY the bride pays for X, TRADITIONALLY, the bride pays for y. TRADITIONALLY, we only pay the rehearsal dinner.
How can you shove these TRADITIONS on me if you’re not even going to follow them yourself?? :O
Post # 15
Wow what? That’s crazy of them to complain about ANYTHING when they aren’t giving you a dime. I’d either just ignore their constant comments and do what you want, or else reply something about how it’s your money your choice. And proper etiquette to boot.
Hahaha I see you did! Nice job.
Post # 16
@LiliKitty: Just tell them if the RD plans do not fulfill their vision, of what a RD should be, they certainly aren’t required to attend.