Post # 1
So we spent all weekend registering for kitchen/bedroom stuff. I asked him if he wanted to register for tools, and he said no, he was set, he didn’t need any more. So, we did the usual–kitchen utensils, filling in the gaps of his pots and pan collection (that’s right–we’re keeping the majority of his b/c they’re Calphalon and they were expensive and he doesn’t want to get rid of them–even though they are not my first choice of cookware) and bought spoons and ladles that matched what he already has (becuase he wants everything to match!) not because I liked it best. So, tonight, he goes on Cabella’s website and registers for: a shotgun shell reloader: $400. I asked him how that was going to help furnish our house. He said it would get me out of his hair.
This and various other things makes me think he is terrified of losing his bachelorhood and is regressing back into childhood. Generally speaking, he is a sweet, thoughtful guy.
I can’t change him, can’t make him grow up. But I sure am disappointed in him–disgusted in fact. I think it’s selfish and rude of him to “register” for a shotgun shell reloader. I hope everyone in his family realizes how selfish that is and doesn’t buy it for him. It makes me want to go “register” for $400 worth of clothes at The Limited. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Post # 3
It’s ok to feel angry about this. Maybe the two of you could expand on the Cabella’s registry, together? That way the shotgun shell reloader can be with the new tent and ice axes? Just an idea. FI and I are both outdoors people (Hello, rural Alaska!), and a lot of people we know have registered at Cabella’s, REI, and local outdoor places. It sounds like he doesn’t want tools, but he does want outdoors stuff. It may not be for your home, but it is for your new life’s together. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 4
@Angelique02: It’s a want list, not a get list. Let him have it and I think it would be cool if he got it. If it were me I’d make sure of it. So much of the registery is ‘home’ stuff but it’s really all for the woman. My parents got my hubby a $1000 gun pistol he had wanted and I was so happy to see him get something he really wanted. All the dishes, kitchenaid, crystal, etc were things I cared about-he was fine with hand me downs.
Not to mention he’ll save TONS in the long run reloading ammo which will save the two of you money, in addition to the birds he’s shot for y’alls dinner.
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s a big deal to be honest, it sounds like there is something else going on here to make you so upset. Most guys would think that registering for household stuff and cookware is the girl getting her things, and if you had already asked him if he wanted to register for tools I don’t see what a shotgun reloader is such a big deal? Seems to fall into the tool category to me.
Are there other things that are making you upset or hurting your feelings at the moment?
Post # 6
I am with @The Unsespecting Bride, I totally think it’s ok for him to register for this. It is a tool. I have seen alot of registries in my years and see very few things that guys really “care” about. There are not that many guys out there who care about whether the towels match the bathroom (although there are some who do), so he put something on there that he will enjoy and save you some money. Shells are expensive and it’s a ton cheaper to load his own.
Post # 7
If it makes you feel any better, my hubby registered for a fancy pocket knife ($80) on our wedding registry. No one bought it, so it wasn’t a big deal. I let it slide.
Something to keep in mind though, items typically over $100 won’t be purchased unless its a family member or people go together to buy one larger gift. Register for a wide variety of things in different price rangings. I have a feeling no one will see a $400 shot gun reloader as wedding gift material.
Post # 8
Thanks for the opinions, ladies. Makes me feel somewhat better.
@The Unsuspecting Bride and tksjewelry: If he didn’t give a rats ass about the cookware and the cutlery and furniture, I would be in complete agreement with you: let him have his toy.
However, as I alluded to in my earlier post: he DOES care. We can’t get the cookware I want because he refuses to get rid of his. I don’t like his cookware–its the non-scratch Calphalon stuff you have to be so careful with. So I have to deal with it and fill in with the extra stuff we’ll need–making sure that it matches what he has–this is HIS requirement, not mine–I don’t care if it matches as long as it works. He wants everything to match. Nevermind that X brand is more userfriendly, or that I like it better than Y brand. Y brand matches HIS stuff, so Y brand it is!
Same with the furniture. He is SOOOO upset that I don’t like his furniture–it’s not my style. I am a city girl and I have travelled widely internationally and my tastes reflect that. I’m not an outdoorsy girl, although I don’t mind the occasional hike. But I certainly don’t want my living room to look like it’s a mountain cabin. That’s what his is on the way to looking like–it most CERTAINLY looks like a bachelor pad and when I start talking about redecorating, he starts getting so upset.
Sigh. That’s the “what else” that’s going on…as much as I can figure out. Maybe there’s more. This whole getting married is so complicated.
Post # 9
I feel you on the furniture – I have typical Scandinavian tastes wtih lots of clean lines, light colours, natural materials, light wood etc. My FI on the other hand has two huge black leather couches, an obscene amount of electronics and gadgets, loves anything big and chunky and dark. At the moment our house is a mix of both our furniture, it doesn’t look great but we’re working on it. For the time being I’m happy to live with the monster couches and he’s putting up with all my books, candle holders, cushions and so on. Slowly we’re replacing one piece at the time, we take our time until we find something we both like and hopefully in the next few years we’ll have the place looking great.
Moving in together, combining your lives and having to compromise is tough, especially if one or both of you is used to living on their own and getting their own way. But look at it this way, perhaps the compromise of your two tastes will result in something great, maybe mountain cabin chic is the new thing? Seriously though, it will get easier with time.
Post # 10
My FI put a $9,500 custom-built computer on our Amazon registry — he knows no one would EVER buy it for him and wrote “just dreaming!” beside it — he just wanted the fun of putting it on there in the first place. When my Mom pulled it up (who is as traditional as they come when it comes to registries), she laughed and said “that’s so like him.”
If it stays on your registry, you might have folks who have the same reaction — definitely not buying it, but getting a kick out of seeing someone they know well put up a dream item, and you can turn it into something funny. That doesn’t address how he made you feel with what he said, but if you’re worried about people taking offense, that might be one way to get around that part!